Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Everyone says to take time to grieve, then says "be sure to do this and that" and I am overwhelmed. Where do I start...who can help me? He was in Hospice care... can I count on them to help?
First...I am sorry for the loss of your dear husband. My late husband died 5 years ago today, and I find it so very hard to believe how fast those 5 years have went. The only thing hospice will do for you at this point is to provide grief counseling for free if you feel you need that. If you're planning any kind of funeral for your husband the folks at the funeral home will help you plan the kind of service you want. Then depending on your age(if you're not retirement age yet, but at least 60)you should call the Social Security office and report his death, so you can receive widows benefits if applicable. After that you can take your time with any of the financial things like his will, any trusts he may have had, or retirement funds. And if you have a financial advisor they can help you now as well. And if you had a joint checking account like my husband and I did, you will have to take a copy of the death certificate to the bank so you can have them change any accounts to just your name. There does seem to be a lot to do initially, but most of it you can take your time doing, so you can give yourself time to grieve, as that is the most important thing that should be done after losing your dear husband as he deserves that much. You are going to be ok, this I know. Will it take some time? Of course. But know that God's got you and that He will never leave you nor forsake you. May God bless you and keep you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
The funeral home supplied a list of things I should do, I think this is standard practice. If you just do one thing every few days, it will all be completed within a month.
I made a few mistakes along the way.
My first mistake was to cancel all the credit cards in his name. I thought that would only cancel the cards in his wallet, not the cards in my wallet that had him as primary. Imagine my surprise the first time I went to get gas and the gas card was declined. (The lady in the store was so kind to me, she gave me the gas for free!)
My second mistake was when I tried to take his name off of our bank accounts. My bank stopped me from doing this, they said to leave his name on everything with the bank for a while. They explained why, but I have no idea now what they said. I should probably go back to them since it has been a year.
Another mistake, if you want to call it that, was to not make a clean sweep of the clothing. Some of it I gave to my son, and when I see him in his father's shirts, it is a bit triggering. That just might be my problem to address.
You are overwhelmed right now. Give yourself grace and time.
I'm sorry for your loss. I agree with funkygrandma59 to talk to hospice or any church or faith organization for grief counseling.
The funeral home will guide you through everything to organize a service, if that's what you wish. They will also notify the SSA about his passing, but I would still call them yourself. The funeral home will offer a few free death certificates so be sure to get those because you will need them. I think 3-5 should be ample.
If your husband had a Will I would review it to see who he assigned as the Executor. Because he was your spouse, most likely all his assets will "pour over" to you. If you have any questions you can contact a certified elder law attorney to interpret anything in the Will that you don't understand. If he didn't have a Will and all property and assets were owned jointly by you or you were the named beneficiary, then there's not much to worry about. Again, any questions can be asked to a CELA.
If your husband was receiving a SS benefit check, just leave enough money in the receiving checking account to cover that same amount because the govt will likely take it back (since the August check actually paid for Sept and the recipient needs to be alive the entire month of Sept in order to keep that money).
There isn't anything urgent to do except pay the bills as usual. You can transfer accounts later. Don't hesitate to ask trusted family, friends, neighbors or church/synagogue members to help you. Our church has a Care ministry where we keep tabs on elders in our church and provide any help that is requested, members, part-time attenders or completely new people from our community.
In the past 2 years my 83-yr old neighbor across the street from me has lost her husband, son and now just in the last 2 weeks her adult grandson and her beloved 14-yr old dogs. The neighbors have rallied in a beautiful way to lift her up and support her each time. Do not hesitate to ask for help or accept any that is offered. Tell people exactly what they can do for you -- most of the time they are aching to help.
May you receive peace in your heart as you move through the grief and change.
The Hospice Social Worker can help you or at least help point you in the direction you need to go to do all the things you need to do. And the Hospice should also offer Bereavement as well. And yeah you are right there is a lot to do. Did he have a Will? If so the Lawyer can help you with that. I hope the Funeral Home is helping you with some things. But do not let them push you into doing what you do not want to do. Make sure you have ordered plenty of copies of the Death Certificate. Order more than you think you will need. I do hope you have family and friends that you can count on at this time. 🙏
Ask Hospice if they have any recommendations for widow's support groups or for probate attorneys. Your first step, if you are executor, will be in transfer of your husband to a funeral establishment and making arrangements there, ordering your death certificate copies, making certain they or you notify SS of this death.
Choose a probate attorney or trust and estate attorney then. They will walk you through the steps to get an EIN number for tax purposes and settling your husbands estates and affairs.
That's a start. You will be busy for some time, but it is understood that this all takes time.
I am so sorry for your loss. Do understand that we all feel utterly lost and confused in the shock of loss like this. Give yourself time. Gather all the support around you that you are able, family, extended family, friends, faith based or other community you have created in your life. Feel free to consult with a Licensed Social Worker in private practice--this can be a touchstone to maintain sanity in a time of great fear.
Wishing you the best and hoping you will update us as you go.
I’m so sorry for your loss. What you’re feeling is completely normal — grief itself is already overwhelming, and then all the ‘to-do’ lists and advice from every direction can feel like too much to carry. Please know you don’t have to do it all at once.
Yes, hospice can absolutely be a resource even after your loved one has passed. Many hospice programs offer bereavement support for family members, sometimes for up to a year or more. You might want to reach out to the hospice team and let them know how overwhelmed you are — they can connect you with grief counselors, support groups, and sometimes even help guide you on the practical next steps.
For now, give yourself permission to take things one step at a time. Handle only what feels necessary today — the rest can wait. Grief is not a race, and you don’t have to carry it all alone.
Just like selling a house and moving, plan to schedule 20 to 30 minutes a day as baby steps. You might find that you do more than that some days and less on others.
Take a deep breath. You do not need to rush most of the things you will need to do. Hospice may have already notified Social Security. If your husband had a pension, notify the company of his death so they stop making payments. You don't want a lot of payments made that you will suddenly have to pay back.
Let your bank and financial institutions help you with any changes you need to make in titles and legal papers. Again, there is not a great rush. I found the people at such places very helpful and comforting and I knew they were doing the paper work correctly. They can also guide you in what else needs to be done with your legal paper work. You do not need to do it all at once. Institutions are very forgiving.
Take your time in deciding what's next for you. For the next several months, you will not be thinking clearly even when you think you are. Don't make major decisions or sales or purchases. When you feel ready, you can begin to sort through belongings and donate things, perhaps sell an extra car if there is one. In a year or two you might decide you want to move, but do not rush into that decision. You may prefer to stay right where you are.
Do not get rattled by things people tell you "should" do or how you "should" feel. Again, you do not need to do it all at once.
Regarding stopping payments from a pension her husband may have had, keep in mind he may have selected to receive less pension $ during his lifetime in order to leave a reduced pension benefit to his spouse. This is fairly common. If he did select that, then she will continue to receive a reduced pension amount for the rest of her life. She needs to find out what his pension plan offered and what he selected. If he chose to receive the full benefit don’t feel bad. Many people decide to take the maximum pension benefit and just use life insurance or savings to provide a financial security blanket to the surviving spouse.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It has been 7 years since I lost my husband. I have walked in your shoes and it is awful. My suggestions are: Yes keep his name on the bank accounts for now. No rush to remove his name. Also get a notebook from the dollar store to write things down and make your to do list. If he has a will, make sure all properties are owned jointly. You can avoid probate that way. If no will or not everything is jointly owned, that’s where the problems come in. That’s what I went thru. As far as for his clothing and personal items, there is no rush. I offered many things to my kids and I am honored when they wear them. A friend took his flannel shirts and made pillowcases out of them. I bought pillows and gave them to the kids and grandkids. Also, don’t be hard on yourself. Grieve when it hits you and it will hit you a lot. Try and do one thing each day if you can. But don’t feel bad if you have a bad day and can’t do anything. And lastly, if someone asks if you need help, take them up on it with a task you can farm out. We cannot do it all and it is overwhelming. God bless you on your journey.
First take a deep breath. Hospice will help guide you. Start with first things first. Getting yourself thru the funeral. Take time. The funeral home contacted SS for us. They ordered death certificates. I ordered copies. I called life insurance company first. I went to banks and financial institutions. They need copy of DC (only there first because I’m so leary of scammers). I called IRA or 401K . Next I contacted health insurance, Medicare secondary.Did household bills last. I wish i could sit down with you. **You know what- just make a list of things as they pop in your head or as ppl suggest. Keep your notebook handy. Then when you get a minute write down the contact phone numbers for your list. Then you can figure out who to call first. leave space to keep names and the date of who you call and what they say. It’s hard remembering at this point. You’re welcome to msg me if you like. But of course there are lawyers on here that could possibly guide you better. God bless
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The only thing hospice will do for you at this point is to provide grief counseling for free if you feel you need that.
If you're planning any kind of funeral for your husband the folks at the funeral home will help you plan the kind of service you want.
Then depending on your age(if you're not retirement age yet, but at least 60)you should call the Social Security office and report his death, so you can receive widows benefits if applicable.
After that you can take your time with any of the financial things like his will, any trusts he may have had, or retirement funds. And if you have a financial advisor they can help you now as well.
And if you had a joint checking account like my husband and I did, you will have to take a copy of the death certificate to the bank so you can have them change any accounts to just your name.
There does seem to be a lot to do initially, but most of it you can take your time doing, so you can give yourself time to grieve, as that is the most important thing that should be done after losing your dear husband as he deserves that much.
You are going to be ok, this I know. Will it take some time? Of course. But know that God's got you and that He will never leave you nor forsake you.
May God bless you and keep you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
The funeral home supplied a list of things I should do, I think this is standard practice. If you just do one thing every few days, it will all be completed within a month.
I made a few mistakes along the way.
My first mistake was to cancel all the credit cards in his name. I thought that would only cancel the cards in his wallet, not the cards in my wallet that had him as primary. Imagine my surprise the first time I went to get gas and the gas card was declined. (The lady in the store was so kind to me, she gave me the gas for free!)
My second mistake was when I tried to take his name off of our bank accounts. My bank stopped me from doing this, they said to leave his name on everything with the bank for a while. They explained why, but I have no idea now what they said. I should probably go back to them since it has been a year.
Another mistake, if you want to call it that, was to not make a clean sweep of the clothing. Some of it I gave to my son, and when I see him in his father's shirts, it is a bit triggering. That just might be my problem to address.
You are overwhelmed right now. Give yourself grace and time.
The funeral home will guide you through everything to organize a service, if that's what you wish. They will also notify the SSA about his passing, but I would still call them yourself. The funeral home will offer a few free death certificates so be sure to get those because you will need them. I think 3-5 should be ample.
If your husband had a Will I would review it to see who he assigned as the Executor. Because he was your spouse, most likely all his assets will "pour over" to you. If you have any questions you can contact a certified elder law attorney to interpret anything in the Will that you don't understand. If he didn't have a Will and all property and assets were owned jointly by you or you were the named beneficiary, then there's not much to worry about. Again, any questions can be asked to a CELA.
If your husband was receiving a SS benefit check, just leave enough money in the receiving checking account to cover that same amount because the govt will likely take it back (since the August check actually paid for Sept and the recipient needs to be alive the entire month of Sept in order to keep that money).
There isn't anything urgent to do except pay the bills as usual. You can transfer accounts later. Don't hesitate to ask trusted family, friends, neighbors or church/synagogue members to help you. Our church has a Care ministry where we keep tabs on elders in our church and provide any help that is requested, members, part-time attenders or completely new people from our community.
In the past 2 years my 83-yr old neighbor across the street from me has lost her husband, son and now just in the last 2 weeks her adult grandson and her beloved 14-yr old dogs. The neighbors have rallied in a beautiful way to lift her up and support her each time. Do not hesitate to ask for help or accept any that is offered. Tell people exactly what they can do for you -- most of the time they are aching to help.
May you receive peace in your heart as you move through the grief and change.
And the Hospice should also offer Bereavement as well.
And yeah you are right there is a lot to do.
Did he have a Will? If so the Lawyer can help you with that.
I hope the Funeral Home is helping you with some things. But do not let them push you into doing what you do not want to do.
Make sure you have ordered plenty of copies of the Death Certificate. Order more than you think you will need.
I do hope you have family and friends that you can count on at this time.
🙏
Choose a probate attorney or trust and estate attorney then. They will walk you through the steps to get an EIN number for tax purposes and settling your husbands estates and affairs.
That's a start. You will be busy for some time, but it is understood that this all takes time.
I am so sorry for your loss. Do understand that we all feel utterly lost and confused in the shock of loss like this. Give yourself time. Gather all the support around you that you are able, family, extended family, friends, faith based or other community you have created in your life. Feel free to consult with a Licensed Social Worker in private practice--this can be a touchstone to maintain sanity in a time of great fear.
Wishing you the best and hoping you will update us as you go.
Yes, hospice can absolutely be a resource even after your loved one has passed. Many hospice programs offer bereavement support for family members, sometimes for up to a year or more. You might want to reach out to the hospice team and let them know how overwhelmed you are — they can connect you with grief counselors, support groups, and sometimes even help guide you on the practical next steps.
For now, give yourself permission to take things one step at a time. Handle only what feels necessary today — the rest can wait. Grief is not a race, and you don’t have to carry it all alone.
Hospice may have already notified Social Security. If your husband had a pension, notify the company of his death so they stop making payments. You don't want a lot of payments made that you will suddenly have to pay back.
Let your bank and financial institutions help you with any changes you need to make in titles and legal papers. Again, there is not a great rush. I found the people at such places very helpful and comforting and I knew they were doing the paper work correctly. They can also guide you in what else needs to be done with your legal paper work. You do not need to do it all at once. Institutions are very forgiving.
Take your time in deciding what's next for you. For the next several months, you will not be thinking clearly even when you think you are. Don't make major decisions or sales or purchases. When you feel ready, you can begin to sort through belongings and donate things, perhaps sell an extra car if there is one. In a year or two you might decide you want to move, but do not rush into that decision. You may prefer to stay right where you are.
Do not get rattled by things people tell you "should" do or how you "should" feel.
Again, you do not need to do it all at once.
They ordered death certificates. I ordered copies. I called life insurance company first. I went to banks and financial institutions. They need copy of DC (only there first because I’m so leary of scammers). I called IRA or 401K . Next I contacted health insurance, Medicare secondary.Did household bills last. I wish i could sit down with you.
**You know what- just make a list of things as they pop in your head or as ppl suggest. Keep your notebook handy. Then when you get a minute write down the contact phone numbers for your list. Then you can figure out who to call first. leave space to keep names and the date of who you call and what they say. It’s hard remembering at this point. You’re welcome to msg me if you like. But of course there are lawyers on here that could possibly guide you better. God bless
See All Answers