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II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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A hospital gown or smock can prevent at least prevent at least full frontal nudity. And the fact he’s attempting to date might incentivize him to actually get dressed. Relationships in memory care have been tolerated and even encouraged as long as it’s not taking place in public.
Dementia prevents a person from understanding, or caring about, social norms. You can be sad about your DHs brain dysfunction, but don't be hurt by it because his behavior has nothing at all to do with you or your marriage. He may forget you're his wife and that you're married altogether. Hes not trying to betray you, hes in a different world than you are! You may find him holding another residents hand the next time you visit. Your goal, and your sons goal, must be to keep him content and not screaming in agitation about anything, as is common with dementia. If he's naked, the aides will dress him. If he defecates on the floor, they will clean it up. All you care about is that he's calm. You lost the man you married awhile ago, when you had to place him. That's the grief and the loss here, known as The Long Goodbye.
Its very difficult to watch the decline of a loved one who was once so smart or sharp or loving turn into someone else entirely. I know, I watched my mother lose her mind for 6+ years to what we feel was vascular dementia.
Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller is a very good book in plain English you might like to read. Puts the condition into perspective, it really does. The 36 Hour Day is another good book, more of a reference manual to look up certain behaviors or get certain questions answered.
I'm sorry you're going through this ordeal and wish you good luck and Godspeed with a difficult situation.
Thank you so much for helping me to know I’m going to have to acknowledge this is his disease. He was walking with a women and holding hands when i was there Monday. I saw Through the door and I know felt sick to my stomach and it really broke my heart( this lady holds someone’s hand all the time, mostly men) so you are so right. I am going to try to find that book. God bless you and I’m so grateful.
As the mind goes or plays up behaviour will become characteristic at times it’s just something that happens and something you have to switch off to ( for yr sanity’s sake)
when it happens treat it as normal so he doesn’t hear panic hey dad you’re in your birthday suit let’s get sone clothes in and change the subject - anytime I need something to get thru to my dad I pretend it’s nothing n he listens
It sounds cold but to survive you really need to switch off to your hurt and concentrate on dad like it’s a job
maybe it’s time to sit with a health person and run through what you con expect to see as this is at the start of decline/just a small piece of what you need to get used to to seeing
my father went thru an uncharacteristic phase snd I was devastated until I switched off to me- I’m here for dad -?not my hurt - and it helped me get with the plan- now it’s routine he luu I stems now everything is approached calm like it’s no big deal
actually we founds dads tablets were causing/contributing to his behaviour and dehydration concentrating in that ( only giving high dose pain killers when pain is severe sips of water throughout the day and he bounced right back - we consulted the dr btw before messing with his tablets sometimes it’s a phase that can be improved-sometimes
I feel you! I just moved my mom to a different memory care facility and I believe the transition has contributed to some really bizarre behavior. She is in a mixed population, which is assisted living and memory care in a small unit of 15. (The needs of the individual are balanced out so that those needing more care do not totally absorb the caregiving resources.) However, within the past two weeks, my mom has stood up from her recliner in the TV room dropped her drawers and let go. She did "number one" the first time then the following week it was number two. Yes, although I wasn't there, I was mortified. Mostly because I know that she doesn't know what she's doing, and I know she would be mortified if she was cognizant. She is responding to a medication change and although she still moans to herself all the time, she's not screaming at the top of her lungs, crying and relieving herself in public. But the thing is with dementia, it could be a totally different story next week. I just have to trust the caregivers and their experience with situations like this. Dementia does strange things with people. My mom is a little bitty lady but a year ago in the middle of the night she moved the refrigerator in her room. Not slid it, picked it up out of its cubbyhole and moved it to a different part of the room. None of the staff had ever seen anything like that. Nobody can figure out how a little old lady did it without injuring herself. After they removed the refrigerator, she started pushing the super heavy recliner around her room at night. I am so thankful for this facility because there's no predicting what the mind will do and it's a great comfort to me that she's in a safe environment.
Thank you for your response. I hope things even out with your mom. It is by far the hardest behavior so far. My son asked if i felt betrayed. It’s not that can’t put into words. But i can tell being here to share is going to help me!! God bless!
A woman came into my dad's nursing home room and stripped down. Mom found the woman's bra in dad's room. Dad was bedbound and mostly mute by that point so he was spared the embarrassment. My mom got a kick out of it. It is disturbing for family, but it happens.
I had to smile when I read this post because one particularly favorite patient of mine used to occasionally walk the halls of assisted living naked.(There were no memory care facilities at that time) She would do this when it wasn't my shift, as I was the private aide who would come in a few days a week for added help. Come to find out she actually believed she was in her own home and just "going down her hallway"... Like many of us may do in our own homes. I believe that's the mindset most people have. But solution for that would be to get the clothes they can't remove. Seems perfectly reasonable when you look at it from that angle, But of course we have to make sure that they don't flash everybody. Please be assured that it is just part of the cognitive decline and there is a solution for it. Hugs
My father had dementia and was still living at home with my mother. He would forget to put any clothes on from the waist down also. He even once answered the front door that way. There were hygiene issues too and my mother would be very distressed. I was shocked the first time or two and then realized it was just another feature of his overall decline.
There exists anti- strip clothing that he would be unable to remove himself. You could discuss that with the memory care staff. It might be more work for them. But assuming he has just forgotten, it’s also just one more loss and not a crisis.
I’m truly sorry you are in pain over this distressing development. But he most likely just doesn’t notice or care anymore.
Sad, but if he is in MC he probably has no idea what he is doing. My FIL had a tendency to do this as his PD advanced and he had terrible night terrors. When he disappeared overnight and was found nude on the ground near a pool, that was when the family (finally) realized my in-laws needed to be in AL. It happened again now and then even though under normal circumstances he couldn’t dress, walk, or get out of bed alone - he would show up nude at the nurse’s station in the middle of the night! The brain can do wacky things!
It sure can!! 6 months ago he wouldn’t urinate with me in the bathroom. It’s just yet another thing to learn to live with huh? Going to find some of the clothes suggested. Thank you
Is he doing this intentionally, or without understanding that it's inappropriate? If it's intentional, as in exhibitionist behavior, talk to a geriatric psychiatrist about how to get this under control. If it's unintentional, talk to the staff about having a few safeguards, like not leaving him alone after showering or helping him with the bathroom, until he has finished covering up.
In either case, google "anti-strip clothing for dementia." You'll find things like one-piece outfits that zip up the back, so he can't reach the zipper.
Hi! Try not to feel hurt. When we all get to the end, nearly all of us (nuns perhaps excluded) know what a naked body looks like, whether male or female. The staff can cope, and that’s their job. You didn’t make it happen, and you didn’t do it yourself. There are far worse things than nudity that might be done (like throwing feces). Develop a tough hide. Say something like ‘I hope you were all impressed, he always has been!’.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Maybe it is more comfortable for men to be nude?
It is the disease progression.
Its very difficult to watch the decline of a loved one who was once so smart or sharp or loving turn into someone else entirely. I know, I watched my mother lose her mind for 6+ years to what we feel was vascular dementia.
Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller is a very good book in plain English you might like to read. Puts the condition into perspective, it really does. The 36 Hour Day is another good book, more of a reference manual to look up certain behaviors or get certain questions answered.
I'm sorry you're going through this ordeal and wish you good luck and Godspeed with a difficult situation.
it’s just something that happens and something you have to switch off to ( for yr sanity’s sake)
when it happens treat it as normal so he doesn’t hear panic
hey dad you’re in your birthday suit let’s get sone clothes in and change the subject - anytime I need something to get thru to my dad I pretend it’s nothing n he listens
It sounds cold but to survive you really need to switch off to your hurt and concentrate on dad like it’s a job
maybe it’s time to sit with a health person and run through what you con expect to see as this is at the start of decline/just a small piece of what you need to get used to to seeing
my father went thru an uncharacteristic phase
snd I was devastated until I switched off to me- I’m here for dad -?not my hurt - and it helped me get with the plan- now it’s routine
he luu I stems now everything is approached calm like it’s no big deal
actually we founds dads tablets were causing/contributing to his behaviour and dehydration
concentrating in that ( only giving high dose pain killers when pain is severe sips of water throughout the day and he bounced right back - we consulted the dr btw before messing with his tablets
sometimes it’s a phase that can be improved-sometimes
Best wishes
However, within the past two weeks, my mom has stood up from her recliner in the TV room dropped her drawers and let go. She did "number one" the first time then the following week it was number two.
Yes, although I wasn't there, I was mortified. Mostly because I know that she doesn't know what she's doing, and I know she would be mortified if she was cognizant.
She is responding to a medication change and although she still moans to herself all the time, she's not screaming at the top of her lungs, crying and relieving herself in public. But the thing is with dementia, it could be a totally different story next week.
I just have to trust the caregivers and their experience with situations like this.
Dementia does strange things with people. My mom is a little bitty lady but a year ago in the middle of the night she moved the refrigerator in her room. Not slid it, picked it up out of its cubbyhole and moved it to a different part of the room. None of the staff had ever seen anything like that. Nobody can figure out how a little old lady did it without injuring herself. After they removed the refrigerator, she started pushing the super heavy recliner around her room at night.
I am so thankful for this facility because there's no predicting what the mind will do and it's a great comfort to me that she's in a safe environment.
But solution for that would be to get the clothes they can't remove.
Seems perfectly reasonable when you look at it from that angle, But of course we have to make sure that they don't flash everybody. Please be assured that it is just part of the cognitive decline and there is a solution for it. Hugs
There exists anti- strip clothing that he would be unable to remove himself. You could discuss that with the memory care staff. It might be more work for them. But assuming he has just forgotten, it’s also just one more loss and not a crisis.
I’m truly sorry you are in pain over this distressing development. But he most likely just doesn’t notice or care anymore.
In either case, google "anti-strip clothing for dementia." You'll find things like one-piece outfits that zip up the back, so he can't reach the zipper.