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Like take meds, take a shower , etc

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I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She focuses on positive caregiving and gives wonderful explanations on how dementia changes our LOs, how those changes show up in their changing behaviors and declining abilities and why it happens. She also give great pointers on how to better engage with our LOs in a more productive and calm way.
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I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. In this booklet, she discusses showers and why the elder pushes against them so hard; and what you as the caregiver can do to help him be more agreeable to showers in general. What I found with my mother is that she was afraid of slipping on the tiles, so I got her a pair of water shoes on Amazon which did the trick and removed her fear of falling entirely.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:

The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience

The "Do's"
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment

Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently

Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.

Another good book is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin. Learn all you can about AD/dementia b/c knowledge is power!

Wishing you the best of luck!
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Newton's third law:
'any applied force is met with equal and opposite force'.

Perhaps ask yourself, "Does this need to be done right this instant or can I let the thought settle in their own time and mind?"
This has worked for me, and returning a few times with a prompt or question can make it seem like it was their idea all along.

Also redirecting or 'directing through' can be persuasive - "We will do this and then [something pleasant]" with little reminders throughout of what is to follow.

The utopian view that they will be on the same page for getting things done is a rarity as action/completion often has no significance, making you the only one with the agenda - hence, you are the problem, not the solution from their perspective.

Oh yes, I do totally get the frustration though...
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