My mother has been living with my husband and I going on 5 years now. In that time period she has had 2 strokes, which fortunately didn’t cause any issues with her limbs but did a little cognitive damage. She has had a heart attack, pneumonia, numerous UTI’s to the point her urologist put a catheter in. Many hospital stays due to dehydration. Last year she had C. Diff twice. We’ve done skilled nursing to get her stronger, home health care, asked her to drink more water, walk around some. With all of that going on, we have included her in every family event, birthdays, holidays and vacations.
We have made reservations to go the the beach for a week, which I have not shared with her. My husband and daughter don’t want her to go, because they want a real vacation. Not one that consist of “catering” to her many needs. She can’t get in the pool, she can’t walk on solid ground much less sand. My husband doesn’t want to be in charge of the wheelchair to push her around on the beach. I have given up all of my interest because when we plan to do something she literally gets sick or falls down and we are at the ER. I try not to think it’s on purpose but it does at times feel that way. All she does all day is sit in her room watching tv, playing on her phone or sleeping. When she does come downstairs with me she wants to talk about the past with my dad (they have been divorced for over 40 years and it was an abusive relationship). When I tell her I’m not going to talk about that stuff, She tells her sister and my siblings on the phone that she has to watch what she says cause I’m just so put out with her. Tells them how tense things are. I have lost it with her when she pulls her toenails off and bleeds everywhere as she is on a blood thinner and is anemic. 😡She literally only comes downstairs twice a day if that.
I know I deserve a trip without the responsibility of all that is her. But I know I will have all the passive aggressive or guilt comments when I get back. Or my sister and her sister will have something to say yet they have been of no help in the 5 years I’ve had her. We tried to put her in AL but she just doesn’t have the money for that. Which by the was 6 months ago and I still get to hear about how that made her feel. 🤦🏻♀️ I don’t know what I’m asking for...guess I just needed to vent in a safe place. 😓