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She can't get services and she is well off. Let's just say she has money and I am suffering. I lived with my 100 yr. old grandma for 7 yrs and now she can't be left alone. I am also struggling to take care of my son. What do I do? I can't pay my bills and going in debt. I am the only one out of 6 grandchildren who takes care of her, no one visits or talks to her. 7 yrs ago, my mom asked me to take care of her, I dropped out of college, rerouted my son's school, and moved 500 miles away from my immediate family. I kept my promise to my mom even though she passed from cancer 3 yrs ago. A month ago, I lost my dad and I couldn't be with him, because I was taking care of my grandma. I am getting depressed because of this. My grandma's 89 yr old brother is her POA and pays her bills. I approached him about it and he tells me she doesn't have the finances, but I believe that to be untrue. I know what my grandma has and in no way am I using her for financial gains. In no way the amount I desperately need per months breaks her piggy bank. What do I do? I can't even work because I can't leave her alone. Just recently I helped her recover $ 6,300 in assets and thought she would be able to help me and she says no!!! That was my mom's money. I can't take it anymore!!!

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get a paying job and let grandma pay for care? Why is that not your first choice
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She doesn't want to pay anybody and says she can be left alone by herself but her doctor says she cant be by herself. I am her live in care. Oh by the way, I had a job.
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Grandma and her POA need to pay you or make arrangements to pay a caregiver. Give them a date to start paying you and the wage you want. If they will not agree to this, get a job and leave Grandma. You are under obligation to take care of your grandmother. You are being used by this woman.
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Get a job and move out. You are being used.

Grandma needs care. Grandma should be paying for that care. She doesn't have to because you are there.
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First of all, you don't need to phrase it as her "helping" you. She should be "compensating" you (or someone) for providing the care she needs. Since her brother is her POA, he is responsible for paying for help for her out of her funds. He knows she can't live alone. He needs to figure out what her options are and find help that she can afford. It shouldn't be left to you to work for free when you need an income to support your son and your self. Whether you move out or not, you need to find a paying job and let grandma's POA figure out how to get care for her while you're working.
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it is difficult to negotiate with an 89 year old POA, but that is where you need to start. You need him and your grandmother in the same room, so that you can agree with them together what help grandma needs every day and how many hours it takes to provide it. The choice is then a fairly simple one. They can a) pay you for those hours, or b) pay somebody else.

To assist them in their choice, you might also like to get together some leaflets or webpages from agencies in your area, including prices. Then uncle can see which option is more affordable, too.

I hope he's not in for too much of a shock.
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Jessy, give notice to your Grandmother's son, who is the Power of Attorney, that you will be leaving on February 28th and moving back home, and that he will need to find a new caregiver for his mother. Just tell him it is not working out, and be firm about it.

It is totally unfair that you need to forfeit your own financial security for someone who HAS a financial security.

Even if your Uncle offers you pay, it won't be the same as getting pay from having a good job where you get money put into Social Security and into Medicare, plus paid sick days, possible a company 401(k) for savings, and most important paid health insurance. After 7 years, it is time for someone else to take the baton.

I know there will be a lot of grumbling, possible rows and snits. Ignore it, stick to your plan and start looking for some place new, even a cousin or friend who can take you in until you find employment and save enough to pay for an apartment.
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I'm not sure Jessy has a home to move back to, has she? An awful lot of loss in those seven years, an awful lot of ground for her to make up. And then there's her son's education she's already had to uproot once and may not want to change again. Very difficult.

I hope it won't be impossible to improve things with the grandmother's situation so that Jessy can both look back on a job well done and be ready to move on from a more secure footing when the time comes.
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Would your mother really want you to give up your life and future security to care for grandma? I sure would not want my children to do that for me! That is my job to make sure my future is secure and I am taken care of some other way than my family.

You need to be working legitimately to save for your own retirement. That can be done with grandma with a care agreement and her as employer. You would need an elder law attorney to draft the agreement which should be grandma's expense. You would also need representation to review an offer should one come.

You first priority is to take care of you! Spoken by a daughter that cared for her mother for four years before I changed things and realised I need to protect myself.
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She even claims me and my son on her taxes too !!! I thought this would help her too! I never thought I was being used. Perhaps she is using me. I have such a big heart. I have bend over backwards for. I thought I was doing the Godly thing taking care of her. Not to mention, they are Holy people.
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How do you intend to put your son through college?


What are you going to do when you can't work any longer and haven't got Social Security because you're not paying into the system?

Do you and your son have health insurance?
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So many terrific responses here, jessy2you. I hope their words give you the strength to take control of your life.

On a separate note, make sure you take time to reflect on your new life that you're going to head to. Give yourself a needed mental and emotional health boost by dreaming of where you want to head to, a new place (or stay there and be paid for when you're not out working in the world), going back to college, how to pick up pursuing your dreams that you stopped when you took over care of your grandmother, and what wonderful things you'll do with your son when you're free.
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Jessy, If she is claiming you on her taxes she is using you.

Even if you have a low paying job, you will be better off. You can claim your son on your taxes and get an Earned Income Tax credit. This can be up to about $3000 if you qualify.

Get a job and move out.
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My son has insurance through his father who isn't in the picture. I mean I have to beg her for food money and sometimes I even have to go to food pantries for food.
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Jessy2you, I just read your latest posts. You're being used and treated terribly. Please don't waste any more time in implementing the suggestions of posters in this thread. You deserve to be happy and get on with your life.
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It brings me to tears right now, knowing all the kind advice you all have been giving me. Yes I do have dreams and hope. I feel so dead and unhappy here. When I am done helping my grandma throughout the day, I go to my room depressed because of this life I am living. My grandmas brother said don't worry, you will get the house when she passes, but I never asked for it. I asked for financial help. I don't even want this freaking house. I am not that way. Seriously I am not!
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If your grandmother has enough taxable income to make it worthwhile to take you and your son as exemptions, she's not living in poverty. If you are having to scrounge for food money and are living without health insurance, that's disgraceful. You are being exploited. They don't sound like holy people to me.
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Whoa wait a minute. The grand-daughter needs to go to a food bank to feed herself and her son? Something doesn't sound quite right here.
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Ask the POA what good a house will do you if you have no income to pay for taxes and upkeep.

You needs to have a caregiver agreement, written by a lawyer and notorized , that pays you a living wage. Otherwise, you need to leave.
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That's exactly what I heard my grandmother say to her brother! I overheard her tell him no way!! She isn't going to afford to pay taxes with no job. She didn't tell me I still be here in the house after she passes. She said No way!!!
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This is not a healthy environment for your son.
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Being Holy is sure working out good for grandmother and her son, isn't it? Not so much for you, though.

Get paid, or leave! It really is that simple. Maybe you haven't seen that yourself because you've been encouraged to do the "Godly" thing. That sure turns out to be convenient for grandmother, doesn't it?
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Jessy,
The going rate for live-in 24/7 help is $60,000 per year. It's complicated because you have a son, but you could make a decent wage taking care of an elderly person if your grandmother won't pay you.
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How could I been so blind!!!! I take care of her every morning. I lift her out of bed, dress her, and put her shoes on. I walk her to the kitchen and get her breakfast and pills ready. I feed her her lunch and bring her to the dining room. I wash her daily, clip her nails, tweeze her, and cut her hair. I keep her company, make sure she excerises, and give her her supper. Finally, off to bed I take her. I am so good to her, I just don't understand how she couldn't care.
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They sound like selfish religious people to me and not loving holy people. You have been used. You have a child to take care of which takes priority over grandma.
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It seems that grandmother and uncle (and everyone else in the family no doubt) are somehow under the impression that THEY have been helping YOU all these years, allowing you to "sponge" off grandmother in exchange for your help. You dropped out of college so you must have been pretty young and naive when you moved in, I'd say it's long past time you grew up and started asking some hard questions about your place in the family and your future.
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Your grandmother doesn't have to help you financially. Many grandparents do what they can with that kind of help, and others just can't, or won't.

This isn't about Grandma being charitable.

This is about PAYING for services GM gets. Not "helping" you and "giving" you financial assistance. Please stop thinking that GM should be more generous. She just should pay what she owes! Generosity has nothing to do with it.

And why would your uncle exploit you like this? Is he a "holy" person, too?
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Yes he is, goes to church and everyday and does the rosary 3 times a day and so does she. He tells me all the time to give my problems to God and go to church. He says my problems are due to ignoring God and not putting God first. My grandma tells me, it's all what kind of life you lead. How you spend your time on earth, will determine where you go.
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A lot of people are very devout but don't think to apply the religious teachings to how they live their own lives. It doesn't always stop them from using their religion to manipulate other people for their own benefit, either. Remember that Marx called religion "the opium of the people." It sounds like your grandma and great-uncle are trying to press you into submission or at least acceptance based on what God supposedly wants for you. Ask why God wants you to sacrifice, but not them? Grandma gets to keep her money but still get loving full-time live-in care, and you get what? Sacrifice! And you're supposed to think that God approves of that? I don't think so!
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Ah, but if they have been providing a home for this poor unwed granddaughter and her child after she dropped out of school, (and she didn't even try to find a job after all these years!) ... you can see how it can all get twisted around into them being godly and charitable and Jessy being ungrateful, can't you.
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