Follow
Share

We are all in a desperate situation here.


As I have described in my previous question, my grandfather is the primary caregiver of my grandmother. He is 82 years old and is pretty much like a computer. Absolutely nothing wrong with his mind. My grandmother is fine at the moment but the issue is my grandfather


Last Saturday he rang an ambulance for himself and got himself into emergency department, leaving my grandmother and my uncle together in the house. He didn’t tell any of us what was going on. He just left. Myself and my mother rang the hospital as soon as we heard and went to see him. He seemed okay.


within a couple of days his blood tests revealed that he had pneumonia and he had a heart attack the day he rang the ambulance. He was in a general ward and was given antibiotics, oxygen and he was told that he would be getting a stent after they cleared the infection.


However two nights ago he took a turn. His antibiotics weren’t working anymore and they decided the next thing to do was move him to High Dependency. They started off by giving him 80% oxygen in a mask because his breathing was still bad. We left him that evening he was still very alert. Knew everything that was going on around him and he looked great. He was the picture of health.


However, this morning at about 3am he took another turn and his breathing worsened. Still very alert, He discussed his treatment options with his nurse and told her to sedate him and put him on the breathing tube. He was sedated but remained stable. They increased his oxygen to 100%


about 6 hours ago, they moved him to intensive care to monitor him closer. He has remained stable ever since and we have been up to see him 3 times today.


our last visit was about 2 hours ago and we had to talk with the doctor. We went into see him and he was still stable, he is still warm and honestly, he looks like the picture of health. He looks normal other than the tubes. We also saw that they decreased the amount of oxygen they have been giving him to 60% which we thought was a good thing.


When the doctor spoke to us, things only sounded worse. Most of his lungs are badly infected, sepsis etc, he needs a lot of life support and his blood pressure is dropping so they’re trying to keep that level and because of all the treatments they are giving him, his kidneys are starting to struggle and she said they may need to put him on dialysis. They’re still contemplating their next move. They may move him onto his stomach tomorrow in the hope that his lungs may improve and things will start to look up but in a nutshell she said she’s very concerned!


I’m starting to lose hope. It’s just one complication after the other. I can’t eat or sleep. I’m praying all the time but God won’t seem to answer my prayers.


Also we haven’t told my grandmother anything yet because of her Alzheimer’s but she knows something is up. She keeps asking for him and she’s saying things like “I hope you’re not hiding anything from me!” We have to tell her something. If he dies and then we tell her, it will just destroy her. She’s crazy about him. We think maybe if we bring her up to see him, hearing her voice might help him a bit but we don’t know. She might get a shock seeing him tubed up. We asked a nurse in ICU and she says maybe wait a day and see if he improves.


He he has only been in ICU for about 7/ 8 hours and his stats are still stable. He doesn’t look sickly at all. He’s warm and he’s a good colour. He looks healthier than half the patients in his ward. I just can’t understand how things are this bad! He’s very robust and strong but his age is not on his side. He is still stable. It’s just a waiting game to see if he improves or worsens tomorrow.


Please we just need some advice. It’s like a roller coaster not know what’s happening next we honestly need a miracle. Our family is already falling apart without him. Any advice?

Find Care & Housing
Thank you everybody for all your support and advice.

my grandad passed away and 8o clock last night.

My grandmother spent the whole day with him before he died. She was there from half 11 until about 6 o clock.

When we first told her, she burst out crying and was in total shock. She kept repeating the same questions “how did this all start?” “When did he go into hospital?” She asked that throughout the whole day.

It it was only until a couple of hours later, I think she started to realize the severity of his disease and it started to sink in. She constantly asked “is he going to be okay?” And whenever we answered she would say “If anything happens to him I will go off my head. I cannot live without him. I don’t want to live without him. I love him so much.” It was heartbreaking watching her stare at him. She had the look of torment in her eyes.

When she left. We made sure she said goodbye properly and told her to say goodbye as this may be the last time she will ever speak to him. She held him and said “it’s me, your wife. I’m going now. I love you so very much. I always did and I always will.”

My uncle drove her back to the house. When we called him he said she was silent all the way home. She didn’t say a word (which is not like her at all. She is always talking) and when they got into the house, the first thing she said to herself was “Daddy must be up in bed” which was also out of the ordinary. My uncle made her some food and she couldn’t even eat it. She just remained silent and said she was going to bed. So I think it finally sunk in but she’s also in denial. I just hope she’s okay sleeping tonight.

I think In the end it was the right decision to tell her. I just hope she doesn’t take a turn while this is going on. I have a feeling she won’t last long after my grandad. Her broken heart will give in.

I’m just dreading how she is going to react to the funeral. We haven’t told her that he has passed away yet
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Margaret37
Report

Dearest Margaret, I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time, and I'm praying for peace for you and your family.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Brooklyngal
Report

Margaret, I am so sorry you are going through this. If the hospital says it is time for the family to come to the hospital then gather everyone up and go. You mentioned your Uncle is at your Grandparent's house. What are his thoughts about taking your Grandmother to see your Grandfather? What does your Mom think should be done? Follow their lead.

Sadly, many primary caregivers become overly tired and tend to become ill. Sounds like your Grandfather ignored all the medical signs and kept going forward taking care of your Grandmother who was his first priority. What a wonderful sweet gentleman.

Keep us up-to-date.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to freqflyer
Report
Margaret37 Aug 8, 2019
Thanks very much Freqflyer.

My uncle is not the most compassionate when it comes to my grandmother he didn’t want anyone telling her because he “would have to listen to her going on and on and on.” My uncle and my mother got into an argument about telling her. My mother wants to tell her the truth and let her see him before he passes.

My family are with him and and unfortunately they were told that he may be gone within the next 12 hours. We don’t want to bring my grandmother down and this

To top it all off, she just came down to the toilet and saw me on the couch and asked a load of questions. I gave her the excuse that he was staying in my mothers house with the flu because he didn’t want to pass the flu onto her. She got worried and kept asking me is he going to be okay and then said “Are you telling me the truth? He didn’t fall or have something bad happen?” I just said no he’s just in mams house. We can ring them tomorrow. She will probably forget anyway.
(0)
Report
Margaret, since your Grandmother is looking for your Grandfather, if it were me I would take her to see him. I agree with your Mother. Otherwise, you and your Mom would be second guessing if Grandmother wasn't able to pat his hand or kiss him one last time.

And even if your Grandfather is in a sleep-state, I think he would love having his bride by his side.

I remember back when my Mom was on Hospice at long-term-care. The evening caregiver who wasn't a regular told my Dad he needs to go see my Mom that evening. Dad didn't want to go as he saw my Mom at noon, but the caregiver insisted. So he went. Mom passed a few hours later. How that caregiver knew, was uncanny. Dad was so grateful that the caregiver had insisted he go.

Just saying.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to freqflyer
Report

I am so very sorry about your grandpa. But I would have to agree with the other post on here. Your grandpa is very ill. I understand that he doesn't look sick but he is. Grandma has enough wits to know something is up. Don't deprive her from seeing her love go without saying goodbye and who knows it might do him some good. It is said that people in a coma can hear the people and nosies around them along with a feeling of love ones being there. No ones knows if this is really true, the research is still split, but I believe it is true!


May God be with you and your family.

Hugs!!!
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Shell38314
Report

He has a raging infection compounded by a heart problem that can only get fixed when he is better. Hearing about turning him on his stomach means he is still critical. If they say he has developed ARDS, he will be sick for a while. Age is a problem. The machines are to support his body until he can fight the infection. Expect at least a week in ICU followed by about another week to get better for the stent followed by the 21 day rehab stay. My personal calculator is for every day in bed in ICU means another 3 days to gain strength.
If his wife is able to understand enough, let her know and tell her what she will see before she walks in the room. They have social workers who you can ask for help.

In my mom's early days, she still helped with final decisions for her husband. She does not remember dad's death 9 years ago but she does not grieve. Fast forward this year she lost her son. She lives now in the present. She does not ask so we do not tell. Your grandma does know something. That is telling.

As for you and your family, ask for in-house clergy (even if they are not your denomination) and social worker to come talk to you. Make sure you are eating regularly. Health worker see plenty of family get sick because they don't take care of themselves.

You are correct about this being a roller coaster ride. Keep the faith
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to MACinCT
Report
Margaret37 Aug 8, 2019
Thank you very much for your advice. This was really helpful

We just got word from ICU that my grandfather isn’t responding to medication the way they want them to and have advised my family to come over. Things are looking grim.

I am currently in my grandmothers house at the minute making sure she is okay during the night. I am afraid she will wake up to use the toilet downstairs and see me on the couch I am just getting more and more nervous
(2)
Report
Margaret,

I so sorry about your grandpa. I will say a prayer for your family, especially your grandma. Hugs!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Report

Margaret, I am very sorry for your grandmother and your loss. Just know that your grandpa is in peace and not in pain anymore. Your grandma needs to know so she can process it the best way she can. Don't worry how much time she has or doesn't have just love and tend to her as you do! She will need all the love and support she can get.


Hugs!!!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Shell38314
Report

For what it's worth I think everything was handled as it should have been, you did good. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to cwillie
Report

I am so sorry you lost your grandfather, and that you grandmother lost her husband. I'm glad she got to say good-bye, and hope that things go smoothly moving forward.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to chdottir
Report

See All Answers

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter