We are all in a desperate situation here.
As I have described in my previous question, my grandfather is the primary caregiver of my grandmother. He is 82 years old and is pretty much like a computer. Absolutely nothing wrong with his mind. My grandmother is fine at the moment but the issue is my grandfather
Last Saturday he rang an ambulance for himself and got himself into emergency department, leaving my grandmother and my uncle together in the house. He didn’t tell any of us what was going on. He just left. Myself and my mother rang the hospital as soon as we heard and went to see him. He seemed okay.
within a couple of days his blood tests revealed that he had pneumonia and he had a heart attack the day he rang the ambulance. He was in a general ward and was given antibiotics, oxygen and he was told that he would be getting a stent after they cleared the infection.
However two nights ago he took a turn. His antibiotics weren’t working anymore and they decided the next thing to do was move him to High Dependency. They started off by giving him 80% oxygen in a mask because his breathing was still bad. We left him that evening he was still very alert. Knew everything that was going on around him and he looked great. He was the picture of health.
However, this morning at about 3am he took another turn and his breathing worsened. Still very alert, He discussed his treatment options with his nurse and told her to sedate him and put him on the breathing tube. He was sedated but remained stable. They increased his oxygen to 100%
about 6 hours ago, they moved him to intensive care to monitor him closer. He has remained stable ever since and we have been up to see him 3 times today.
our last visit was about 2 hours ago and we had to talk with the doctor. We went into see him and he was still stable, he is still warm and honestly, he looks like the picture of health. He looks normal other than the tubes. We also saw that they decreased the amount of oxygen they have been giving him to 60% which we thought was a good thing.
When the doctor spoke to us, things only sounded worse. Most of his lungs are badly infected, sepsis etc, he needs a lot of life support and his blood pressure is dropping so they’re trying to keep that level and because of all the treatments they are giving him, his kidneys are starting to struggle and she said they may need to put him on dialysis. They’re still contemplating their next move. They may move him onto his stomach tomorrow in the hope that his lungs may improve and things will start to look up but in a nutshell she said she’s very concerned!
I’m starting to lose hope. It’s just one complication after the other. I can’t eat or sleep. I’m praying all the time but God won’t seem to answer my prayers.
Also we haven’t told my grandmother anything yet because of her Alzheimer’s but she knows something is up. She keeps asking for him and she’s saying things like “I hope you’re not hiding anything from me!” We have to tell her something. If he dies and then we tell her, it will just destroy her. She’s crazy about him. We think maybe if we bring her up to see him, hearing her voice might help him a bit but we don’t know. She might get a shock seeing him tubed up. We asked a nurse in ICU and she says maybe wait a day and see if he improves.
He he has only been in ICU for about 7/ 8 hours and his stats are still stable. He doesn’t look sickly at all. He’s warm and he’s a good colour. He looks healthier than half the patients in his ward. I just can’t understand how things are this bad! He’s very robust and strong but his age is not on his side. He is still stable. It’s just a waiting game to see if he improves or worsens tomorrow.
Please we just need some advice. It’s like a roller coaster not know what’s happening next we honestly need a miracle. Our family is already falling apart without him. Any advice?
He was laid out today and he looked great. We didn’t let my grandmother see because she doesn’t remember a thing and we think it is best that she doesn’t see him in a coffin.
his funeral is tomorrow and we don’t know what to do. All the family is saying play it by ear or try to hide it from her but we are afraid that if she’s finds out, she will become weak and collapse in the church.
any ideas what we should.
any advice is greatly appreciated!
Hugs!!!
May God grant all of you grieving mercies and strength.
Hugs to you and her.
I so sorry about your grandpa. I will say a prayer for your family, especially your grandma. Hugs!
my grandad passed away and 8o clock last night.
My grandmother spent the whole day with him before he died. She was there from half 11 until about 6 o clock.
When we first told her, she burst out crying and was in total shock. She kept repeating the same questions “how did this all start?” “When did he go into hospital?” She asked that throughout the whole day.
It it was only until a couple of hours later, I think she started to realize the severity of his disease and it started to sink in. She constantly asked “is he going to be okay?” And whenever we answered she would say “If anything happens to him I will go off my head. I cannot live without him. I don’t want to live without him. I love him so much.” It was heartbreaking watching her stare at him. She had the look of torment in her eyes.
When she left. We made sure she said goodbye properly and told her to say goodbye as this may be the last time she will ever speak to him. She held him and said “it’s me, your wife. I’m going now. I love you so very much. I always did and I always will.”
My uncle drove her back to the house. When we called him he said she was silent all the way home. She didn’t say a word (which is not like her at all. She is always talking) and when they got into the house, the first thing she said to herself was “Daddy must be up in bed” which was also out of the ordinary. My uncle made her some food and she couldn’t even eat it. She just remained silent and said she was going to bed. So I think it finally sunk in but she’s also in denial. I just hope she’s okay sleeping tonight.
I think In the end it was the right decision to tell her. I just hope she doesn’t take a turn while this is going on. I have a feeling she won’t last long after my grandad. Her broken heart will give in.
I’m just dreading how she is going to react to the funeral. We haven’t told her that he has passed away yet
My mother (his daughter) did not handle it well and would not accept he was at his end. She was told repeatedly by medical staff that it was time and the most merciful thing to do was take him off the ventilator. She'd beg the ICU nurses to tell her he was improving, even when it was obvious he wasn't. She didn't want to hear any of it... "He wants to live!". No, SHE wanted him to live, and it's not wrong to feel that way. We all want those we love to live forever! The doctor explained that even if by some miracle he pulled through, he would be 100% bedridden, likely get pressure sores, and would have to be in a nursing home. He wouldn't have wanted that. After two weeks of this, the entire family was worn out and told Mom she had to do something. The doctor, head nurse, and two other nurses sat Mom down and had to get tough (nicely) with her. She finally agreed to take the ventilator off, and he passed within an hour. He was ready to go.
I know it's awful. I know what you mean when you say your family is already falling apart without him. But I can promise you... family won't fall apart, you will be closer than ever! And you all will be okay. Sad, yes, and will miss him terribly. Right now you don't think anything will be okay again ever. But it will be.
When I get sad about someone I've lost, I try to think what they would say to me if they could. Would they want me to be sad the rest of my life? Or would they want me to enjoy my time on this Earth? No one who loves you would want to see you sad, especially over the one you lost. It's like when you know you've hurt someone's feelings... you feel awful that you caused them to feel bad, you know? I know my grandfather would hate knowing I was crying/sad due to him, regardless of the reason. His time on Earth ended, and he wants those he loved to treasure all their time here.
Hang in there. Everything will be okay. <3
my grandad is deteriorating but he is still here for now. My uncle and my mam are going to come up to by granny’s house now, break the news and bring the two of us down to see him. I am absolutely dreading this. I don’t know how she is going to react
You say she forgets pretty soon, maybe she will find peace with seeing him and will find her new normal and forget this very trying and tragic experience.
May God touch her and help all of you. May your grandfather find healing. Hugs!
May God be with you and your family.
Hugs!!!
I pray that your grandfather pulls through and this is just a warning that things need to change. Which you should talk to your family about how to move forward because grandpa is not going to be able to be sole caregiver again, he is now in need of care. Start looking into options.
May God grant your grandfather the strength to overcome this physical illness and restore his health to him, may your family be guided to the best solution for the many challenges you are facing.
Hugs!🤗🤗
I am so sorry that your family is facing this crisis.
And even if your Grandfather is in a sleep-state, I think he would love having his bride by his side.
I remember back when my Mom was on Hospice at long-term-care. The evening caregiver who wasn't a regular told my Dad he needs to go see my Mom that evening. Dad didn't want to go as he saw my Mom at noon, but the caregiver insisted. So he went. Mom passed a few hours later. How that caregiver knew, was uncanny. Dad was so grateful that the caregiver had insisted he go.
Just saying.
Sadly, many primary caregivers become overly tired and tend to become ill. Sounds like your Grandfather ignored all the medical signs and kept going forward taking care of your Grandmother who was his first priority. What a wonderful sweet gentleman.
Keep us up-to-date.
My uncle is not the most compassionate when it comes to my grandmother he didn’t want anyone telling her because he “would have to listen to her going on and on and on.” My uncle and my mother got into an argument about telling her. My mother wants to tell her the truth and let her see him before he passes.
My family are with him and and unfortunately they were told that he may be gone within the next 12 hours. We don’t want to bring my grandmother down and this
To top it all off, she just came down to the toilet and saw me on the couch and asked a load of questions. I gave her the excuse that he was staying in my mothers house with the flu because he didn’t want to pass the flu onto her. She got worried and kept asking me is he going to be okay and then said “Are you telling me the truth? He didn’t fall or have something bad happen?” I just said no he’s just in mams house. We can ring them tomorrow. She will probably forget anyway.