I suggested to my 93 year old mother that it was selfish to expect me to move over 150 miles from my home of 28 years, leaving everything behind for an unknown length of time, to be her unpaid carer. She snapped back, 'why shouldn't I be selfish! and I remembered my GP's advice. When it comes down to it, do you think my GP is absolutely correct in his assessment that it is either us or them?
I agree with your GP too.
Being a loving daughter does not mean you have to be a hands on caregiver.
You should NOT move and uproot your life. Your mother should not expect this .
Your mother can sell her home , use her money for assisted living either in her town or by you .
Do not let Mom live with you .
My mother’s geriatrician said these 8 words to me ,
“ I’m more worried about you than your mother . “ It was what I needed to hear .
Your GP and my mum's (also mine) are on the same page.
My mum was the opposite to yours. When Mum had few a few moments of lucidity during a long stay in hospital, she told me to stop visiting her and to not stay so long when I was there. She told me to go and live my own life. She also pointed out that she was being looked after, that I didn't need to fuss.
She also put me on the spot by asking if she would be going home or not. I gently told her that they were thinking of sending her to a care home, unless we could find a more suitable place with a lift and carers on site (which we did). I asked her if she was okay. She said of course, she'd worked in a care home and had no worries about going into one.
Mum had worked with the elderly most of her life as an auxiliary nurse, a nursing home carer, and as a sheltered housing (independent living) manager. So, she'd thought about what was the best thing for both the residents and their families, over the course of many years.
Your mum clearly has never thought about her care, beyond what she wants. She has never considered the impact on you, and it's too late for that now. She will always be selfish on this subject.
It's up to you to consider yourself and the impact of moving and caring for your mum.
So, don't do it!
Do not move. Do not leave the things you love to become her care slave. Help mom find a place where she will be cared for by professionals. And it should be near you so that you can visit and be her advocate.
It is up to the elderly to make plans for their own care. Your mom thinks you're it. She was wrong! Her aging is her health problem. SHE should make the adjustments in order to get care, NOT you. SHE should be inconvenienced. NOT you.
Just from what you told us, it appears that she's an overentitled, mean, selfish and bossy elder who will make your life miserable over this. Don't give her the pleasure.