My friend hired a private pay caregiver and now wants to fire her. What should she say?

Tell her at the end of the day thank you for her help, and you'll no longer be needing her services. Give her whatever amount above and beyond her pay you feel like. (I wouldn't give anything.) Two weeks' extra pay is absurd in my opinion, especially since this hasn't been a good relationship and the caregiver is gaslighting her (whatever that means).

If she's been playing mind games, your friend should have the money owed her ready to hand to her, and escort her out the door. Have someone else there with her when she does this if she thinks the caregiver might cause trouble. Be sure to get any keys she might have, and be sure to change the locks or passwords to your internet -- anything she might be privy to.

Be straightforward, unemotional, and there is no need to make explanations. Your friend is the employer, and she can fire anyone she pleases. She does not owe her an explanation.

Be prepared for her to ask you for specific reasons it is “not working out”. A person who is getting fired may be aggressive. Have a witness (friend) come over on the day you are terminating. At the end of the day, ask her for the keys and let her know that you will not need her anymore. If she doesn’t have keys, I recommend calling her after she has gone home and letting her know that you appreciate the help she has been but you will not be needing her services effective immediately. Let her know that she will be getting her pay as well as 2 weeks (or whatever you want to pay). That can be mailed or if she Venmo or Zelle, send it that way. Also let her know you wish her the best. If she demands a specific reason; just say over and over (DO NOT ELABORATE) that her services are not needed anymore. NOTE: IF she has keys, you need to get them back or change the locks. IF she has the alarm code, change the code. WRITE down what you are going to say and stay on script. This is not the time to wing it. A neutral reference can be: NAME worked for our family from ?/?/? To ?/?/? Her duties were personal care for my mom including bathing, lotions, hair care, mouth care, light meals, walking/exercise, straightening up mom’s room and other duties as needed for the care of my mom. (Add more if you want). NAME has her own vehicle and was prompt and timely in her attendance. Sincerely, YOUR NAME

I like the idea of giving her notice that day she is done, paying her whats owed and an extra two weeks. Maybe good if ur there when it happens. Just say, sorry its not working anymore. Thats it. I would not ask her if she needed a reference. If she asks for one, do a generic one pinpointing her best qualities. You can't keep her from getting another job maybe over a personality clash.

Your friend says “I’m sorry, things haven’t worked out quite the way I expected, so we’ll have to finish this arrangement. Thank you, and would you like a reference’.

If your friend wants to be nicer, she can give 2 weeks notice so that the carer can make other arrangements.

If the relationship is not good, it may avoid problems to give 2 weeks pay in lieu of notice - PARTICULARLY if she is not clear about insurance for accidents. Expensive last minute accidents (even computer sabotage) is the reason why employees are often escorted off the site immediately after being fired.

If your friend wants to make up a story for an excuse, go for something like ‘my family want other arrangements in place before I go away in 6 months’ or ‘my dear dear cousin is going into a NH and has BEGGED me to take on her dear dear 20 year caretaker, and I just can’t say no’. Or anything else that comes to mind.

Does your friend still need the help? Has she got someone else lined up?

When it comes to getting rid of the gaslighter, I like Margaret's simple approach: give notice according to whatever was agreed at the time of hiring - and I agree that it would be best to pay for the time and let her go, you don't want someone who's potentially resentful working out her notice period in your house - offer a reference, and leave it there. The caregiver isn't owed any further explanation and I'd avoid it. Your friend could probably do without the hassle.

What form does the gaslighting take? Is it serious - possibly posing a risk to future vulnerable clients - or just annoying?

With all the people out there who work as caregivers, why did your friend hire someone she never liked to begin with? She shouldn't have expected things to work out in such a situation.

She needs to tell the CG that things aren't working out as expected, her services are no longer required, thank you, goodbye & good luck. You can give her two weeks notice or pay her for two weeks, which is preferable to me to get her out on the spot and not have her lingering around for 2 weeks. Paying her a month severance pay is uncalled for, in my opinion, unless she was a long term employee. I agree with making no mention of a reference; why recommend someone you're firing for 'gaslighting'???

I had to fire an aide because she was lazy and I just couldn’t tolerate money being wasted on someone doing little work but a lot of eating and reading her emails on her cell phone. The final straw was when she kept complaining about how slow my mom was eating. I called her agency while I stood next to her and simply said her services are no longer needed. The aide was shocked as she departed but I didn’t care. Her agency did not seem surprised when I fired her. I have a feeling she was an aide who was hard to place.

If she never liked the caregiver, why did she hire her? If your friend is displeased with her caregiver she should tell her the truth (in front of you or someone else) as to why she is being let go.
Give her two-weeks notice and a month's severance pay. That's the decent thing to do, but no reference.
If she's not a good caregiver and there's all this alleged gaslighting going on, I would not send her off to another position with some other unsuspecting person in need of care.
You or someone else close to your friend should stay at her house for the two weeks while the caregiver packs up and transitions out.

Most companies don’t give two weeks pay on termination to most blue and pink collar workers. They just terminate you.

I would tell the lady that moms looking to move in with family or to a facility immediately. There is no need to go over performance at this point.

Your friend needs to have a witness in the room. Tell the caregiver that she doesn't think this is a good personality match. Thank her for her services and let her know that she will no longer be needed and that other arrangements have been made. Wish her well. End of story.

The suggestion by other posters that your friend should put up with this person just because they might be a protected class is nonsense. Caregiving is a very up close and personal thing. She shouldn't spend one more minute with someone she isn't comfortable with. Anyone can be hired and anyone can be fired.