This is my first holiday without Mom who died in April. Any ideas on how to cope?

KatieKat my heart goes out to you. I lost my mother 7years ago and the first holiday was not possible for me to celebrate with people. As someone else stated earlier, do what seems more feasible for you to do. Their are no "time judges" in a situation like this. I just couldn't handle the joy and happiness of other people 's exuberance . But the next family gathering ( after the winter holidays I was there because I needed the fullness of the family circle and their love to begin the healing . Whatever you decide, know that at that moment it was right for you because healing is an individual process and when you are emotionally stronger, utilize some of the wonderful suggestions which have been extended to you. I chose to eventually volunteer with children which opened my spirit in so many ways. So dear know that you are loved dearly by your mother and always will be! God bless you always.

I lost my mom in June so I understand, it's so hard, I talked to my family a lot, clung to my wife for support as I was so heartbroken and remembered how much mom loved the holidays, how they made her smile and how she would want me to be during this time

MY condolences to you, first and foremost. And I understand completely. I lost my mother this past October, one day before her 83rd birthday. And as I was her caregiver for 15 years it feels so surreal that she is not here, and with the holidays here I have decided to invest the emotional time in myself. And I realize also this is a time for healing and being gentle with myself. And I was given a good piece of advice from a very good and trusted friend... I was told to "make yourself your own project. You were your mother's caregiver for 15 years, and now is the time to re-discover who you are. Yes you will visit "grief" on occasion, but you do not have to live there. Experience life again ..do the things that you took pleasure in that you never really had the time to do before. Don't just "eat a sandwich", prepare a feast for you! And this is so true. This thanksgiving went by, and it was okay, I was okay. Actually I was more surprised by how well I did feel... I know my mother would have wanted me to get on with my life...and I feel the best way to honor her memory is to live, and live well physically and emotionally. I still have those moments of sadness, but that is okay.....it just tells me that I am thinking of her and it is then I think of that moment, that "trigger" and feel what I need to feel. And then I move on. I will always remember my mother, and I certainly hope so! :-) Good luck and the best to you and yours

I'm fine and I don't get mad that would be wrong, but here one question I like to ask you.
Based on what Katie said and Katie only what made you mention anything about being religious? That my point! to give your wonderful information, Be Blessed

The holidays are a very hard time of year, but It could help to possibly do taxes, as you'll be prepared in advance for April 15th, and doing something such as taxes hopefully won't bring on sentimental feelings. Hope all goes well.

Everybody has a different experience with loss, if you are open to it, you might try adopting a needy family for the holidays, or even one child who doesn't have parents. It would take your mind off of yourself.

katiekat, you are entering what I call "The Year of Firsts" - first Christmas without X, first birthday, etc. I am far from the poster child on accepting and dealing with death of a loved one. Frankly, it just sucks and you just have to cry/plow through it.

I'm rather hopeful others on this board can offer you ways to cope than I can. All I can offer to say is... don't beat yourself up if you find yourself crying - not just during holidays but at weird/odd moments like in grocery stores when you see something your Mom may have liked to try.

It's a process. Hopefully, yours will be faster than mine.

I'm sure you remember hearing your Mom laugh and seeing her smile, even if it was a long time ago. Try to do things that would make your Mom laugh/smile/giggle/or some sort of tradition. It could be making her favorite holiday cookies; doing something you know would make her smile or giggle, torture her next door neighbor she never liked (HA! just kidding...sort of :: smile ::)

Don't be afraid to reminisce - tell stories about your mom to your family and friends that will make all of you smile. It's okay if you cry. They will understand. You can never replace your loss of her, but you can ensure she lives on.

I wish I had done that. I was just a heap of sadness and grief for many years. So, please, learn from me. I'm in so much trouble next time I see her (in the afterlife), it's not even funny. Hopefully my advice to you will gain me a few brownie points.. ;)

Hang in there! When all is said and done...your Mom must've been quite a special person to evoke these emotions from you. You are lucky for that. So was I. (( HUGS ))

And don't let anyone tell you what you "should" do. You know that yourself so do what is "necessary" for you. Those close to you will understand, even if it's to just sit quietly with you and be there if you need them.

My Mother also died in April on Easter Sunday at the age of 98. We all miss her but she was ready and we have a lot of happy memories. When I decorated the Christmas Tree this year and again saw the Christmas ornaments she made it was a good feeling. May God Bless you.

Perhaps start a new tradition of some sort - whether it's going away or eating something different. Not to ignore the memory of her or the pain of her loss, but to help you cope.

Dear Katiekat2009: This is my third Christmas without my mom. That first year of holidays, birthdays, and special moments was definitely the hardest, especially on Christmas and Mother's Day. What I did, and still do to this day is to focus on all the good memories I had with her pertaining to the specific holiday. For example, and this is just one of many, on Christmas when she was well enough to go places, I would take her to our home and decorate the tree while she pulled the ornaments out of the boxes (sitting in her favorite chair) then handed them to me. Most of our ornaments have something a special memory attached to them. I would play her favorite Christmas music and after we were done, I would sit with her and just look at the tree with the lights on. I still do this now even though she is no longer with us, but the memories are there, and it seems like she is still there in that chair with me. Sometimes the memories still bring tears to my eyes, but they are really happy tears because they remind me of the "good ol' days". Each of us has to grieve and "remember" in our own ways, but whatever way that may be, it takes time and patience. God bless you this Christmas as you go through this difficult time. Remember to take care of yourself -- it helps to keep you strong.

I find I will always miss my mom, however the first set of holidays are the most difficult. I used remembrance as a way to cope, I remembered all the traditions and the times we spent in the past, I've tried to pass those traditions on to my family members. Our loved ones are always with us in our hearts and our memories. Cherish those moments as a way of honoring her.

The first year after Mom died, Dad and I had friends from the church over for dinner that did not have families they were able to spend the day with.
My husband died in early November, and Thanksgiving was tough because we had always hosted Thanksgiving dinner for his family. We went ahead and did it again, in memory of him, until I sold the house last year. The one that was hard was New Year; my son and DIL and I went to my sister-in-law's for Christmas, and then I went with him and his wife to her folks, who live some distance away but in the same city as some of my own family. I spent New Year's Eve with DIL's family, and they did their family Christmas on New Year's so they could include us, and then I spent a couple of days with a niece I had grown up with--at that point, I needed to be with my own people, especially ones who had been close to my husband as well.