This is my first holiday without Mom who died in April. Any ideas on how to cope?

People are wired differently. I did not want my first motherless Christmas to be around a lot of happy people. I wanted to wallow in my sorrow (with old family holiday photos, comfort food), not act as if it were a big party. So, gauge your own personality. Do you want to wallow or forget? Find a family member or a friend who also will support you in that decision.

Very tough and my heart goes out to you. Will you be spending holiday with other friends or family? If you are staying away because of your blue feelings, don't. Go anyway and enjoy the distraction.

Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, or visiting your nearest senior living facility and visiting with seniors without family.

Plan the day by going on a hike, taking a walk at a park, a good book. Go to the movies. Vow to fill up the day with activity, to get outside of yourself. It doesn't mean your dishonoring your loved one. Consider it a reward for all the holidays you may have given up to care for your loved one these last couple years.

Mine too...You're not alone. I've found that spending time with relatives or friends and not focusing on the fact that it's a holiday has been helpful. You can celebrate another year. Make this year just a day to spend with people you love. Or as sunflo says, do some activity or help the community.

Dear katiekat2009, The very best advise you could ever get is this: Go to your pastor and share with him what you are going through. If you do not have a pastor then call 770-603-PRAY (7729). My church has a prayer room and we pray for everyone for every reason 24/7...leave a msg and the next person in will record your prayer request in the book and pray for you. If you are near Atlanta, GA and to be specific Jonesboro, GA, then please, please, please come and visit. I lost my mom in 2008 and I was led there by the Lord. I have never regretted a moment or even thought of looking back. But even if this church is too far for you to get to, call and let us pray. Let us help you find a church close to you. I was not even thinking about church when I landed here...but I know I was bound for devastation without it. Please, at least call for comfort. It really does help. God has sent me 3 replacement moms...and each one of them fills a unique niche once held by my birth mom. And believe me, it takes all three of them to make up for the loss. When you trust in Jesus, you can't go wrong, He DOES fill the void...in more ways than you could ever dream of or ask for. Loving you in Christ, Susan B. @ First Baptist Church Jonesboro (Georgia).

Father God as I write these words I recall my own journey and my own loss but YOU helped me to see that this was not 'my' journey or 'my' loss but rather a reflection of YOURS long ago on the cross. And even though the loss was difficult, YOU were with me through it all from day one. I am lifting up Katie to YOU Lord. I am asking YOU to take her into YOUR arms and hold her tight. Be with her and watch over her like YOU did for me. Father God I know that "I" did not get through this loss of my mom. I know that "YOU" brought me through this loss of my mom. I also KNOW that YOU will bring Katie through this loss of her mom. So Father I am asking YOU to comfort her right now @ 7:16am EST as I pray and type interceding for her asking YOU to give her my portion of comfort that YOU had given to me in 2008. Show her that YOUR love overcomes all pain. Show her that her mom is now safe and sound in YOUR arms. Yes, while it is difficult for us to bear with the instant loss...YOU help us to cope day by day knowing YOU "have the whole world in YOUR hands".

Katie, I wish for you peace in the days to follow knowing that many will be praying for you.

Susan B. @ FBCJ

When my mother passed away, I began volunteering. 10 years now I help serve the homeless on Thanksgiving and it is the best part of my holiday. I feel mom is somehow helping me to give back to others. Pay it forward. I didn't feel like wallowing in the grief, and certainly didn't want to forget. Somehow this seemed to honor her as I remembered her life fondly.

You cope one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I know this because my mom died two weeks before Mother's Day. I thought I was going to die of grief that first holiday but I didn't care what was "correct" I just did whatever I wanted knowing that the day has only 24 hours and all holidays come to an end because there is an end to them, thank goodness. People do different things and they are all okay. I found that keeping busy in anything helped the time to go by; otherwise, I was just going to have to get through it. Next year gets easier because you've already gone through it. That year of "firsts" is the hardest; others who have gone through with it say so and those are the ones I feel most comfortable talking about it to.

This is my first Christmas without my mother, who passed away last December, too.
Keep yourself busy.
Go shopping, baking and cooking, and whatever you enjoy doing.
Surround yourself with friends and family.
This will help to keep your mind on the things you should be thankful for.
Enjoy the holidays, your Mom would have wanted it that way.

Perhaps start a new tradition of some sort - whether it's going away or eating something different. Not to ignore the memory of her or the pain of her loss, but to help you cope.

MY condolences to you, first and foremost. And I understand completely. I lost my mother this past October, one day before her 83rd birthday. And as I was her caregiver for 15 years it feels so surreal that she is not here, and with the holidays here I have decided to invest the emotional time in myself. And I realize also this is a time for healing and being gentle with myself. And I was given a good piece of advice from a very good and trusted friend... I was told to "make yourself your own project. You were your mother's caregiver for 15 years, and now is the time to re-discover who you are. Yes you will visit "grief" on occasion, but you do not have to live there. Experience life again ..do the things that you took pleasure in that you never really had the time to do before. Don't just "eat a sandwich", prepare a feast for you! And this is so true. This thanksgiving went by, and it was okay, I was okay. Actually I was more surprised by how well I did feel... I know my mother would have wanted me to get on with my life...and I feel the best way to honor her memory is to live, and live well physically and emotionally. I still have those moments of sadness, but that is okay.....it just tells me that I am thinking of her and it is then I think of that moment, that "trigger" and feel what I need to feel. And then I move on. I will always remember my mother, and I certainly hope so! :-) Good luck and the best to you and yours

Everybody has a different experience with loss, if you are open to it, you might try adopting a needy family for the holidays, or even one child who doesn't have parents. It would take your mind off of yourself.