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His daughter was given POA while in coma. My fiance lives in a nursing home now but is alert and awake. His daughter says I'm not welcome to visit him there because they don't like me, but we loved together and were together. It's obvious he wants me there but the nursing home makes me leave when I go there. This is so wrong but do they have power to do this?

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This circumstance has come up recently in another thread. Depending upon the wording of the POA document, technically yes, she does have the power. But very likely the document wording also states the POA is to act on the best interest of the designee, your fiancé.

Isolating a person just because a POA says so may be not acting in his best interest. For instance, if you were abusive and the daughter knew it, the daughter's actions make sense. If the daughter is refusing you just because she can, "they don't like me" [who is "they" and how does that matter?], then I'd notify Social Services or Department of Aging and file a complaint. Have them find out why the daughter's isolating her father and how that's in his best interest.
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JtB4Me Dec 2019
Ok no i wasnt abusive in fact i remained by my fiance side through his 1 month coma and then he was moved to faciluty 4 hours from home which i traveled and stayed with him there also. It wasnt until he was moved back into the county we live they decided i wasnt welcome. He has memory issues tand spedch problemd fro. Wreck but he knows me and remeners and wants me there.. Im low on money and my knowledge of these issues in poor. I didnt evwn know this could happen to me. Help
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No she wasn't. Given POA while your fiancé was in a coma, that is. Not possible. Power of attorney can only be given by a person who is a consenting adult and, importantly, as a bare minimum, fully conscious.

So I don't know what the situation is but I do know it's not that.

How long is it since your fiancé recovered from his coma?
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AT1234 avatar
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AT1234 Jun 2019
Countrymouse, it’s shocking to me to read so much misinformation about POAs and how they work. Thank you for educating here.
Seems to me principle doesn’t want contact, but who knows.
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Have you talked to your fiance?

Does he know that you are being kept away?

He needs to know or he will be believing that you abandoned him in his hour of need. I would get word to him and ask him to tell the nursing home that he wants you there. The POA is only whilst he cannot make his wishes known and is not of a sound mind. Sounds like he no longer needs anyone talking on his behalf if he is awake and alert.

That would be my 1st step.
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If the POA reads only when the principle cannot speak for himself or is found incompetent to make own decisions and he is now awake and aware, then she no longer has that authority. He can now speak for himself. Have you tried to visit? Are you on a list of people not allowed to visit? I would call the Nurses desk and talk to the DON. Tell her what the daughter said and ask if the DON can ask your fiance if it's OK if you come visit him. POA does not give daughter the authority to over ride the principles wishes.
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commutergirl avatar
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commutergirl Jun 2019
I would want awake and alert to be more defined.
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Bowrebound, as CountryMouse had stated, it is impossible for someone who is in a coma to give authority as to who will be their Power of Attorney.

Or did the daughter always had the Power of Attorney and now she is doing her duty to abide by what is written in the said legal document?

You must be communicating with someone from the family or a family friend to know that your fiance is now alert and awake. Maybe give this time, the accident could have created medical issues that the family would prefer you not see.
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I thought the POA was supposed to act in the person's best interests? Keeping the fiance away certainly isnt in his best interest. If she is capable of that, what else is she capable of?
Id be careful leaving your house unattended too long, but thats me. What stops her from removing all his & your stuff in your absence? Or locking you out of the house if it is in his name only. Maybe have a neighbor notify you if anyone shows up at your house. Or get a ring/camera.

She could also wipe out your joint checking/savings accounts from what I am reading about other posters on this forum. After the $ is gone you cant do much. I wouldnt keep much $ in there to be on the safe side. Seems even long standing spouses wishes can be run over by vindictive POAs!!!! Wow I didnt know that!!

I looked it up this issue and the lawyers on a forum said to call an elderly law attorney, Department of Elder Services, or Department of Social Services. You have to do this quickly. They said you cant wait.

I dont know how she can over ride his rights if he is talking and wants to see you.
Can you talk to fiance via phone? Let him know what is going on? I would think if he is verbal he can say who visits him or not. Is he just awake, or is he oriented and knows what is going on? The POA acts on his behalf when incapacitated.
He should be able to get an attorney or notary to come in and remove her. Got to talk to the lawywr 1st.
There are 4 types of POA. Find out which one she has. This goes over the types.

https://www.notarize.com/blog/types-of-power-of-attorney

Please let us know how that goes. I just realized this could happen to ANYONE even long standing married couples with step kids can have problems. The step kids from 1st marriages can rip the spouse away, and keep the other spouse in the dark about their whereabouts. Please keep us informed how it goes. Good luck!!!
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AT1234 avatar
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AT1234 Jun 2019
Wow, there are a lot of assumptions here! The belongings in his home, your combined money, no I don’t think this OP said any of that. So much not said in this post I’d suggest if he has not invited you in there’s probably a reason. Red flags. Respect his wishes.
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No. Her POA is no longer valid if he is alert and awake. Ask the nursing home to check with HIM if he wants to see you. Otherwise they're breaking the law. And how did he sign over his POA when he was in a coma? She probably never had his POA legally...
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commutergirl avatar
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commutergirl Jun 2019
Not really true. My mother is awake and alert however unable to comprehend what her medical needs are and ability to answer on her own behalf
and thereby my POA for her remains in effect until death or a miracle. The POA could have been voluntarily signed by him prior to accident. I prepare POAs for family and friends, not an attorney required document because it is signed voluntarily. My son has been in and out of relationships and he is well aware if anyone is in charge when he can't speak up its Mom. My daughter, brother, hell I made one for my ex husband. Ever since Terri Shriver in Florida was on life support for years with long court battle between husband and parents it has been noted the vitality of having a POA.
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The POA is legally binding.
There must be more history here.
I would like to suggest to meet daughter offsite to gain her trust. Getting closer to her, more friendly grounds may be the best start to the restart. Best wishes.
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If you fiancé is awake and alert, capable of speaking his wishes, the POA is no longer in force and he needs to tell his daughter that you are allowed to visit. He also needs to notify the care facility. They cannot keep you out if you are not creating a disturbance for him or the other residences. It sounds like more is at play behind the scene.
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Your boyfriend would have to sign in front of a notary to give his daughter POA. Unless she had it before the coma. I would ask him to let the nursing home know that you can visit.
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commutergirl avatar
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commutergirl Jun 2019
Not necessarily. In our state, POA only requires two witnesses. However, If daughter received a letter from doctor obviously being incapacitated, she could have obtained a court ordered POA. Boyfriend should ask for a copy of the POA. He may have signed it prior to accident you never know.
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Problem: no one can give a POA when they are in a coma. I'd investigate. Daughter might not like you. But she's lying.
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They don't....and your fiance can change his POA since he's now awake and alert. His daughter is lying btw. She can't be granted POA while her father lay unconscious.
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AlvaDeer avatar
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AlvaDeer Jun 2019
As his next of kin, yes, she can be made power of attorney by court order if her father is injured and unable to act in his own interest. However, if he is awake and alert and mentally sharp now, he can see a lawyer and assume his own affairs.
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So much wrong here I can’t list. See an attorney or do some research your assumptions are not based on law or truth.
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No one can know the real circumstances here, but yes, while she serves as the power of attorney she more than likely does have this right. The things is, if your fiancee is now well and able to act in his own interest he can withdraw power of attorney with his own lawyer as simple as it was given. He would have to prove he is of sound mind and well able to make all decisions in his own behalf, would have to contact his own attorney and complete papers removing his daughter as his power of attorney. This, as you can imagine, is a massive, a HUGE step. You describe him as "living in a nursing home now" but awake and alert. He can be awake and alert but still mentally confused, and unable to act in his own interest. Clearly things have happened that cause familial strain. So sorry, and cannot imagine how painful this must be for you.
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NO! A POA does NOT have the authority to dictate who can and can not visit! The only person who can sometimes do this is a court appointed Guardian and only when this authority is stated in the guardianship.

If you need help call your local Long-term Care Ombudsman Program, they are the Federally mandated advocates for residents in nursing homes. There is no cost for them to help you.
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worriedinCali avatar
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worriedinCali Jun 2019
Yes a POA May have the authority to dictate who can and can’t visit.
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Maybe she was made the decision-maker while he was in a coma as the next kin, but not likely POA, since only your fiance can assign a POA and he did not have mental capacity at the time. If he now has returned mental capacity, then gets to call the shots again. Even if he didn't have capacity, and they were allowing the daughter to make decisions, they would have to have a very good reason for not allowing you to visit, such as you coming in and causing problems such as being drunk and belligerent or fighting/yelling at patients or staff. Otherwise, they would need to get a restraining order against you to keep you away. If your fiance wants you to visit, and they are not allowing it, it could be interpreted as social isolation which is elder abuse and you should report it to the LTC Ombudsman.
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You mention daughter has POA, but never say it's the daughter who is not allowing you to visit. You said the facility is the one turning you away. Is there more to this story?

If he is awake and alert, can you talk to him by phone? Is there some reason he may not be doing anything to allow you visitation? Tell him he needs to talk with his doctor and the facility to add you to the list of people authorized to get medical information and to visit. A POA can be revoked at any time he chooses to do so if it is really the daughter keeping you from visiting.

Did something happen at the nursing home that they would not want you there? This may sound rude, but has there been any history of drug/alcohol or they would think you may bring some illegal substance into the facility? You didn't say it was daughter keeping you out, but the facility does not want you there.

A medical power of attorney is used when you cannot make decisions on your own. If he is ok now and wants you to visit, the social worker at the facility should be able to help him get this done or tell him why you are not allowed to be thee. You can also call the social worker to ask why they do not want you there (if you really have no idea).
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how did she get poa when he was unable to give it? poa is granted only by someone who is alert and capable of giving it. For the nursing home to honor it, it must have been granted before the coma. if that is not the case, the poa is not legally binding.
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JtB4Me Dec 2019
No he never made anyone poa but since he was in coma his daughter went into to the court system what does that make her if she not pos over him
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Bowerbound does not say if daughter was made POA at some point b4 fiance was in bad accident. That is how I took it.
Being alert and awake does not mean fiance is all there mentally yet.
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I noticed that Bowerbound, the writer of the original question back on June 20th, has not been back to answer any of our questions.
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Llamalover47 avatar
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Llamalover47 Jun 2019
Freqflyer: Good catch! Though that's only 3 days so I wonder if they've been busy.
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Daughter has that much of a control over you? Btw, how was POA obtained if fiance couldn't sign the document due to being in a coma? Something seems amiss.
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Have you seen that PoA? A person in a coma is not able to execute a PoA. Maybe the nursing home has told you this because the daughter has convince them that you're in some way influencing her father negatively? It's possible you'll need to wait until your fiance is fully alert and capable of making his own decisions, for him to authorize the nursing home -- or not -- to allow your visits.
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And I have to wonder also about Bowerbound. Is she really, officially a fiancee? Is there a large age gap that the daughter wonders about? How long have Bowerbound and the 'fiance' been a couple? If her fiance is now alert, why hasn't he set this straight so she can visit? Many questions here.
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JtB4Me Dec 2019
Yes there is alot to consider but his family has not cared much for me because of a age difference . i was 19 when we got together and we when i was 21 we had a little boy. I am now 33 and and he is 50. We always talked about marriage but never was financially able to do so. I have lived with him for over 10 yrs i was living in the home whwn he had car wreck. I stood by his side thru his coma i moved to the hospital he was at 2hrs away from our home and i was with him thru it all till he was moved back to our home town they decided i was going to be able to see him. Theres no excuse for her to do this to me i dont think. When i returned home from his coma his family had took over our home i was evicted and them pronounced homeless so my son was taken from me by his mother. Its been a horrible past 12 months and ive done everything i know to do. Ive seen him maybe 5 times since he been back and for brief moments. Ive gotten into the nursing home and he has seen me but eveytime im confronted by staff orderd to leave and he doesnt want me to go but his speech is slurr his memory isnt best. He was seriously injured and it he has come a long way since he was took from me. I know he wants me there but im all alone i dont have anyone helping me here and all i want to do if anything is sit in silence with him and hold his hand. Everyday is a nightmare. I would do anything to just be next to him. He was not only my love but my very best friend. Last time i was there he held onto me and wpuld not let go. He remebers me he knows who i am he has alit of issues i am sure but he does in fact remeber alot. I asked him if he wanted me there and he sgook his head yes. They still made me go and the daughter well she is nowhere in sight so they make me go. Please someone tell me what i can do to . this is the truth and i inly want to be there for him im not asking financial responsibly im not wanting power of his estate i just want to be there for him.
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As far as I know a POA is for medical and financial purpose. I haven’t come across one that would state anything about personal relationships. I have had POA for my Husband and Mother before. Usually the person in question needs to sign the information appointing someone that will look out for their best interest. If your boyfriend is able maybe you should discuss this with him and find out why you are being asked not to visit.
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"His daughter was given POA while in coma" I find that difficult to believe. Who signed if he was in a coma?
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worriedinCali avatar
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worriedinCali Dec 2019
The Daughter went to court and got guardianship per an update
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I think we all should learn from this post. When you assign POA make sure you try and cover any problem.

Financial, mine said I could buy and sell. It didn't but should have said that any monies received, go into an acct that can only be used for my care. Also should say that POA will not make it hard for friends and family see me unless that person/s cause me distress.
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This thread is very confusing, is bowerbound Jt ? Who took the son? What the what? This is a guardianship clearly.
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I would go talk to an attorney about your situation. I dont think they can just throw you out into the street like that and take over. Definitely go talk to someone.
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Did you live together? Do you have a ring and a formal engagement. I agree with others that I would go to an attorney. Had you anything at all that you were included on, say accounts or anything? I couldn't feel more sorry for you. This has to be dreadful. I see by update that this is a guardianship. I think that if this is the case, unless he regains faculties and can make his wishes know in any rational way, you may not be able to intervene.
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For those who haven’t read the conments—the mans daughter has court appointed guardianship.
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