I am my father’s POA. He is 86 and experiencing fast cognitive decline. His gf has taken over his medical care. If he has given her POA, is this legal? They do not live together but she is restricting our access to him. Does anyone have advice?

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Did your father get a medical diagnosis of dementia or cognitive decline AFTER you were designated as PoA? If so, you have legal power to excise the GF. If he doesn't have dementia he can change his PoA at any time. But I wouldn't take her word for it, I'd demand proof.
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Reply to Geaton777

GF's restricting access to your father hints that all is not as it should be..
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Reply to RedVanAnnie

Since you have poa without any proof that she does, talk to his physician to see what dads diagnoses is what is going on with him. Dad may have signed a HIPPA form allowing them to share his information with the girlfriend. I'm assuming that she goes to appointments with him too. You do have the power to rescind HIPPA permission as POA, talk to doctor's nurse too, they are your greatest line of communication and defense for dad, explain about girlfriend situation and her sudden need to isolate and restrict him from family. Do you or another trusted family member live close enough to take him for office visits? This would be the first step to remove her control of the situation. If he does have dementia or as you stated is declining quickly, do you have his social security number? Run a credit check to make sure she hasn't opened and accounts with him, if she has close them, place a freeze on his credit so it doesn't happen. Are you on his bank accounts? Check those too for any fraudulent activity. Something doesn't sound right if she is attempting to restrict your contact with your dad, it doesn't add up to a caring relationship. Does dad live in his own home by himself? May be time for a live in companion or a move to a memory care facility that can meet his needs. You may need to get a no contact order for girlfriend if there is proof of wrongdoing on her part and also a chat with APS and the states attorney if needed.
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Reply to Takincare

There is a difference between POA and a health care proxy.
POA is a legal document that appoints an individual to handle finances and business matters.
Health care proxy is a legal document that appoints someone to make medical decisions, if person is unable speak for themselves.
Does gf have a legal document stating she can handle his medical affairs?
Why is gf restricting visits from family?
I would get in touch with elder abuse protection services, and see if they can help
Something is very wrong. Good luck!
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Reply to earlybird
Isthisrealyreal Aug 1, 2020
Health proxy is called a Medical POA.

Just so you know.
Just because they aren’t married doesn’t make her a gold digger and doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve respect. My partner and I have been together for 26 years. I am the POA for health. It makes sense because I am the one with him at all times. He Has dementia, urinary incontinence, other issues, and is no longer able to manage his own schedule or medications or drive. I have nursed him through three cancers over twenty years. I am with him 24/7, make and take him to all medical appointments, handle his meds, his food, and every aspect of his life. He has four adult children who barely call, let alone visit. I do this because I love this man with all my heart. So suddenly if he’s ill, everybody wants to be in charge? Maybe the girlfriend in question is in a similar situation. I just love it when nobody can be bothered with dad and leaves everything about his care on his girlfriend’s shoulders but the minute he gets sick, everyone surfaces and wants to be in charge whether for money or control or to try to diminish the girlfriend’s importance to their dad. Don’t be so quick to judge this woman. And if dad still has his mind, he’s an adult and able to decide who he wants in charge.
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Reply to Retired1234
FloridaDD Aug 1, 2020
But that is not this situation.   Here, OP says the GF is limiting access to dad.  That is a red flag.
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Contact Protective Services at once!  Does she have POA?
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Reply to EllensOnly

The gentleman in question is 87 (according to the OP's profile), lives in independent living, and is undergoing age-related decline with some form of Alzheimer's Disease and/or other dementia. The OP further states that he is "experiencing fast cognitive decline" which could mean pretty much anything. I have no idea whether this means he doesn't recognise her voice when she calls or if he's forgotten how to get to his own bathroom. It could mean *anything.*

But we don't know how long the "girlfriend" has been around, what is meant by "taken over" medical care, whether or not she has the father's verbal permission or any sort of formal POA, in what way she is restricting the family's access to the father, or indeed if she is in fact doing that.

So how anybody feels able to give advice beats me.
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Reply to Countrymouse
FloridaDD Aug 2, 2020
I think investigating whether the GF has a valid POA (which many people have advised) is the best advice.
You have your father's POA which is not the same thing as being his health representative. Take a look at your POA documentation. It might only give you decision-making authority over his finances and property, but not his person or his medical decisions. If you know the lawyer your dad used to do his POA give him a call and talk to him about it. I know that in my state (Connecticut) girlfriends or boyfriends have no legal status whatsoever in making financial or health decisions for their partners even if they live together unless it has been stipulated by the other partner in a legal document, because my state does not recognize "common law" marriage or "living together". If you have your father's POA he did that ahead of time and probably did a Health Care Representative document along with it at the lawyer's office. Many times when an aging person gets into a romantic relationship the other partner in it will often try to limit contact with adult kids or adult grandkids and will make sure they supervise any visits. The reason for this is they don't want the family to know they're spending the money and assets and know that can change in a second if their partner gets sick or dies. You have your dad's POA. Now is the time to transfer or change bank accounts, close his credit card accounts and have new ones issued, and inspect the credit card bills and bank account withdraws.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver

If you don't mind my asking - how long have they been a couple? If she hasn't known you and your family for very long could it be that dad, in his declining state, is telling her stories about you that just aren't true, but she is unaware that's the case?
Is the relationship between you and her in such disrepair that you wouldn't be willing or able to ask her, directly, why she is restricting access?
Sometimes being direct is the best way to be...if she has the ability to restrict access, and your goal is to see dad, you might be better off speaking with her about it.
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Reply to notgoodenough

The whole situation is based on the "girlfriend" limiting access to the man's children. They are concerned, as they should be. It is a control issue, of which the "girlfriend" has ZERO right, regardless of how unworthy she may think his kids are.
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Reply to SouthernSun

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