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I live 1100 miles away. My wife and I plan our vacation around visiting and checking on them every three months. I do not have POA. They are in their 80’s. I have taken FMLA from my job to try and get this squared. Father refused to go back to doctor and get mom medical care. Unfortunately DHR had to get involved. Mom ended up having pneumonia and UTI even though we had people coming in 3 to 4 hours a day 5 days a week. They are is a safe place now but now have to go through the process of getting guardianship. I am 62 myself and traveling back and fourth is getting very tiring and expensive. I know putting them in a nursing facility is the best thing but I am feeling very guilty about this

This was inevitable and guilt isn't appropriate because guilt requires causation out of malice.
You didn't cause this. And you can't fix this.
And that last is important.
Should you accept guardianship then no court of law will EVER allow you to resign it. It is taking full responsibility and judges don't let you out of it even if you are ill.

This is a huge mistake. Please don't do it. Let social workers know:
1. You are not responsible.
2. Do to age, illness and a lack of skills you cannot BE responsible.
3. That you refuse to take guardianship or POA
4. That should guardianship be required it must be done by the state.
The state will then appoint a Fiduciary through the courts to manage placement and care and to manage assets. You will have nothing to say about this and they will do it their way, according to how they feel the assets may best last to end of life.

I am sorry. I must be blunt here. You are not qualified or well enough to take this on. Wishes are about as useful as fishes in this instance. This is about the hard bite of reality. It is going to hurt all involved. And the only thing you can conceivably do here is to save yourself and hope for the best for your parents.
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Glockhart Oct 30, 2025
Thank you I will discuss the implications of this. I am in pretty good health. I do love and care about my parents but don’t want to spend my remaining years chasing them. I did try to get a POA and planning in place for years. The only thing they would agree to was a life estate for the small house and property they have.
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Seeing to it that they have a safe place to live with appropriate care is a kindness, not something to feel guilt about. If you neglected to act at all and didn’t care about their plight, that might be cause for guilt, this isn’t, just the opposite. This is dealing with the inevitable consequences of aging. Be sad it can’t be better, but know you’re doing your best. They are blessed to have you looking out for them
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