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He was reported (rightfully so). He's a high consumer of alcohol and was also falling down, passing out and also knocking himself unconscious. So we brought him to my house a month ago, so he would be jailed or kill him self. Today he managed to take his electric wheel chair to get alcohol. (I was at work) It's been a month since he drank. In order to get to the store, he had to ride on the highway 30 min. When I got home he was sloppy drunk cursing me and my husband. He's been a mean miserable drunk his whole life. I found the Vodka he bought and tossed it. He's very upset.
I've had to rescue my parents my whole life. Mom just died 6mo ago with Alcohol related illness. I'm so tired. This story above is a speck of the events I've had to deal with.
He's a master at lying and hiding and has no respect, yet commands it when drunk. (I never disrespect him, though it's tempting)


Any advice?

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Respectfully, I think you are in a co-dependent relationship with him and should see a therapist so that you can set appropriate and healthy boundaries for yourself. Someone with healthy boundaries would never have rescued him but rather would have called APS and allowed the county to gain guardianship of him. You don't "disrespect" him because you cannot see that what you do for him regardless of how he treats you is dysfunctional. May you gain wisdom and courage to see the situation for what it is, and peace in your heart no matter where he ends up.
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FreeMeNow Sep 2021
Hello @geaton777
Perhaps this is what I should do. I'll start with an Al Anon group in my area. I can't say for certain why I've rescued my parents so often, it's likely because I've been doing it since a young child. I can go far back as 6 years old making my own dinner because they were to inebriated to do so. Worse lifting my mom's hair after she vomited. Standing between my mother and father so they didn't hurt ea other. So as you can see it's a learned behavior I can't seem to grow out of. I'm nearly 50 now! I did manage to carve out a different life for myself, I just keep getting sucked back in.
No one knows more than I do, as to how stupid or weak I've been to allow it but it's a strange power they've had over me. Perhaps Al Anon or Therapy can unravel it all.
Thank you for you advice.
FreeMeNow
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Get Him out of your house ASAP!!!! What you are doing by allowing him to live with you and not face the consequences of his actions is called enabling. Your father will never get the help he needs if you continue to rescue him all the time, and give him a soft place to land.
Instead he should have been arrested and put in jail if necessary for his lewd actions, and if he were to kill himself, that would be on him, not you.
I'm not sure what it's going to take for you to say enough is enough. You deserve so much better, and until you realize that, you will continue to let your father use and abuse you.
I would recommend that you start attending Al-Anon meetings, as they are very helpful when it comes to helping family members of alcoholics. You need to make some changes in yourself, as you have allowed this nonsense for far too long. And in case you don't know this, you can never change your father, only yourself, so my prayer is that you will start making the necessary changes in your life to get some peace and joy back in it.
Please start making yourself a priority, and work on getting some help for yourself and quit worrying about your father. He's a grown man, and needs to once and for all suffer the consequences of his actions. That's the only way things will change. So get him out now!
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SnoopyLove Sep 2021
Amen! Best wishes to you, FreeMeNow, and here’s hoping you do start taking steps to become free of this destructive person today.
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Call the police and have him removed. If he goes to jail who cares, it sounds like its where he deserves to be.

If you act like a doormat, expect to be walked all over. Stop the enablement.
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Drop him off at a hospital ER and ask them for a social admit. They will send a social worker to meet with you. If he's being belligerent and refuses to leave call the police and tell the dispatcher you speak to that they will also need to send an ambulance for transfer.
Tell them that he is an at-risk adult and that you are unable and unwilling to be his caregiver and you will not accept him back into your home.
They will admit him into the hospital until and will place him in the right care facility.
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In hind sight, you should have let him be arrested and refuse to take him in. Then the authorities would have taken over his care.

You do need to get him out of your house. Call Adult protection services and see what they can do. If he gets violent call the police and tell them ur afraid for ur life.
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