My daughter always told my Mom she was on her way to work. We never said the word home. I would say, I am leaving now. Mom always seemed satisfied with the "going to work" thing.
You say, no, I'm not ready to go yet as I just got here, and I'd like to visit with you for a while. Make it about you going and not him. And when you are ready to go and he asks again, you can then tell him that yes, now you are ready to go, and leave him out of the equation.
Delay is good “not yet” Avoidance is good “it’s beautiful today, let’s enjoy looking outside” Humor is good “of course not, I came to enjoy your handsome face”
My mom would do that. She was still living at home and I would be talking with her and she'd say, we'll let's get the car loaded, I'm ready to go home. I would tell her ok but we'd have to wait till the weekend because of getting the oil changed or tires or breaks, whatever. Or if it was at night I'd tell her that we don't drive at night anymore. I'd also say I just got there and wanted to visit. They don't want to hear that they can't. Period. So you try and appease them with the answer they want but a reason for delay. Also try and redirect as much as possible. My heart goes out to you. It's a terrible disease!
I agree - make up a white lie, like you are going to get the car moved closer and then get him; or say you need to do an errand first, etc. You get the idea. Then distract them and when it looks good to go, just disappear. They forget very quickly.
My father is currently in the hospital recovering from a stroke, and has severe brain bruising as a result. We’ve tried, but he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing there. On bad days, he thinks he’s being held hostage and tries to escape. He frequently tries to enlist help from my mother to escape.
Distraction is your number friend here. I say things like, “Maybe later. First I want to see what you’re getting for lunch!” Or I go the “yes, later this afternoon” route which puts him off. Of course, he won’t remember the afternoon, but it puts him off long enough that I can introduce a new distraction and get him to forget about wanting to leave.
I also don’t tell him when I’m leaving anymore. I feel bad about this, but even if I’ve been there a couple of hours, he feels like I’ve just arrived, and can get weepy when I go to leave. I’ve found if I just say I’m going to the bathroom and I’ll be back in a minute, it’s less stressful on him and he doesn’t remember later on.
My first reaction was “not yet” or if you walk around the grounds with him or take him out sometimes “where do you want to go?”. As I thought about it more another possibility occurred to me; Does he say this to everyone or might it be his greeting to you because it has some meaning connected to you, for instance it’s what he said to you every time you left the house for soccer practice on Saturdays or before a special trip the two of you made together. It may not be something you even remember as being so significant but perhaps it was very significant to your dad for some reason. Maybe it’s just his brains way of acknowledging his love for you, his memory of a particular time between you? I’m not saying this is likely just that it’s possible with dementia and I think a lovely thought but of course not an answer on how to respond other than the same way as you would if his greeting were “hello” because it’s just his pet greeting to you.
Go where? Does he mean leave, or does he mean to die? Does he even mean the same every time? I can only suggest that you try to tell by his behaviour whether he has had enough - even if you have only been there 5 minutes - in which case leave. (People do tire very quickly as they get older) Or if he is saying "you're not going yet are you?" Not easy its probably a play it by ear each time and go with what you feel at the time.
I assume you think he means "come on let's go [from this place]" and if he's physically capable, I'd recommend taking him for a drive and a milkshake and when you return him to the facility, refer to it as "we" are going to "our" home to get some sleep, then stay while he gets ready for bed.
Distraction is your number friend here. I say things like, “Maybe later. First I want to see what you’re getting for lunch!” Or I go the “yes, later this afternoon” route which puts him off. Of course, he won’t remember the afternoon, but it puts him off long enough that I can introduce a new distraction and get him to forget about wanting to leave.
I also don’t tell him when I’m leaving anymore. I feel bad about this, but even if I’ve been there a couple of hours, he feels like I’ve just arrived, and can get weepy when I go to leave. I’ve found if I just say I’m going to the bathroom and I’ll be back in a minute, it’s less stressful on him and he doesn’t remember later on.
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