Chances are, unless it’s very mild dementia, your FIL will not know it from any other day. In addition if there are several other people there, even if you take him to a restaurant, he will become confused and upset. I thought it was a good idea to take my mother out one Thanksgiving and she wound up in the ER 2 days later with chest pains.
If you regularly bring Dad out and he is still cognizant of his surroundings, there may not be a problem. But I’d suggest having lunch with him at his facility is a better idea.
HopieandTommy, I wouldn't recommend taking Dad out for the day as usually the facility will have their own Father's Day event. Your Dad may be looking forward to it.
Once my Dad moved to Independent Living I never took him back to my house or even out for a meal. I wanted him to be on a regular routine. The logistics and getting Dad ready for anything outside of the facility wasn't easy, and very exhausting on Dad. My Dad had sundowners.
Dad's facility celebrated all the holidays within the facilities. It was so nice meeting the other residents and meeting their grown child(ren). And the Father's Day lunch was excellent :) That way if Dad was getting tired [he was in his 90's] his apartment was just down the hall.
That's a rather decisive NO, isn't it? In the midst of looking after my wife at home with Alzheimer's for the past seven years, the key is to make sure she (and others with dementia)feel connected to you and protected. Taking him out on a day that is special to you, but confusing to him is unlikely to be helpful. I think C S Lewis has it right in The Four Loves--friendship, affection, charity, Eros (the experience of being in love, with or without a sexual side). However, whenever possible it is the Person Living with Dementia (PLwD) who should choose what kind of love they wish to experience and when. My experience is that the order is friendship, affection, charity, Eros--FACE, but slowly, always slowly when relating to a PLwD.
The key thing is to ADAPT on a daily, or rather minute-by-minute, basis. Stay alert to changes in mood, fears and hopes. A sit in the garden at the facility, joining in the celebrations there sounds an attractive idea.
Not all alzheimer residents would welcome an outing, but some do. I took my mom out for Christmas dinner 4 months before she passed. The restaurant was just about empty and the wait staff quickly recognized the situation and were all very kind. If you are talking about Father's Day or a busy restaurant, I'd vote no. How long has your Fil been in the facility? You might suggest to your husband that he take him out on Saturday to a quiet place. It could be a trial run for future outing --- but be prepared for ALL situations. Some patients begin to panic, others are upset by crowds or noise. Most can't navigate a menu, so hubby should be prepared to suggest a known favorite meal option. If you do take him out, be sure to notify the facility ahead of time so they can have him toileted and ready to go.
To add to my earlier post, when my parents were still living in their house, Mom could no longer cook the great meals she us to do, and I was no cook. So when we found out that Olive Garden had carry-out [same meals as offered on their restaurant menu] we decided to do that. It was prefect. No dishes to wash, and enough food that my parents had 2 meals each from their order :) And we were able to talk to each other quiety instead of using our outside voices when in the restaurant.
We did the above for many years, and even though my parents have passed on, my sign other and myself still do the Oliver Garden carry-out. For Mother's Day we didn't bother to carry-out because the restaurant would be soooo busy, that we did the next day instead.
One time one of my Dad's caregiver took Dad out for Thankgiving at a family restaurant since both my sig other and myself were working. The caregiver said Dad enjoyed his meal but it was tiresome standing in line to wait even though they went earlier, and the noise level was so high that Dad couldn't hear the caregiver to talk.
Have you taken him out before? If so, what was his reaction? Will he know it is his birthday? In facility sounds good. May be in the facilities garden. If the weather is nice and he is having a 'good day'?
I also vote "No" to taking your Father-in-Law out to eat at a restaurant especially on a busy day like "Father's Day".
Going out to eat can be very tiring and exhausting and when a person with dementia or Alzheimer's get tired, they tend to have some behaviors and get irritated and upset easily.
When my Mom was still able to get into a car with assistance of 1 person, I would take her for a car ride for 30-60 minutes (something that we had done often over the 9+ years that we lived together) and at the end of the car-ride, I would go through the drive-thru of her favorite fast food restaurant and get a meal which we took back to the facility and ate in the dining room at the nursing home. Now that Mom has to use a mechanical lift for transfers, we reserve one of the small private dining rooms that the nursing home has available and bring "Take-out" food from the restaurant and a cake. The nursing home provides paper plates, silverware and drinks if we ask for them. We can also purchase meals from the nursing home if we eat at the same time they are serving the residents.
No matter what you do, always call the nursing home and tell the nursing staff on the unit where your Father-in-Law is what you plan to do so that they can toilet him prior to your little "Get-Together" & put clean clothes on him for photos that you take that day.
All good ideas. I often took mom and dad out for a meal and agree that choosing quieter times during the week is better and yes, be vigilant about the facility dressing mom or dad in the proper attire (i.e.. depends, leg catheters etc.) If you want to streamline further, I also took them out mid-afternoon for a ride in the car. You use the drive-through, coffee and munchkins, french fries, or frappes, and find a quiet place with a view for a "car picnic." Anything to get them out and about as long as they can tolerate it. Although they require hard work, these outings can be the source of wonderful memories.
If you regularly bring Dad out and he is still cognizant of his surroundings, there may not be a problem. But I’d suggest having lunch with him at his facility is a better idea.
Once my Dad moved to Independent Living I never took him back to my house or even out for a meal. I wanted him to be on a regular routine. The logistics and getting Dad ready for anything outside of the facility wasn't easy, and very exhausting on Dad. My Dad had sundowners.
Dad's facility celebrated all the holidays within the facilities. It was so nice meeting the other residents and meeting their grown child(ren). And the Father's Day lunch was excellent :) That way if Dad was getting tired [he was in his 90's] his apartment was just down the hall.
The key thing is to ADAPT on a daily, or rather minute-by-minute, basis. Stay alert to changes in mood, fears and hopes. A sit in the garden at the facility, joining in the celebrations there sounds an attractive idea.
If you are talking about Father's Day or a busy restaurant, I'd vote no.
How long has your Fil been in the facility? You might suggest to your husband that he take him out on Saturday to a quiet place. It could be a trial run for future outing --- but be prepared for ALL situations. Some patients begin to panic, others are upset by crowds or noise. Most can't navigate a menu, so hubby should be prepared to suggest a known favorite meal option.
If you do take him out, be sure to notify the facility ahead of time so they can have him toileted and ready to go.
We did the above for many years, and even though my parents have passed on, my sign other and myself still do the Oliver Garden carry-out. For Mother's Day we didn't bother to carry-out because the restaurant would be soooo busy, that we did the next day instead.
One time one of my Dad's caregiver took Dad out for Thankgiving at a family restaurant since both my sig other and myself were working. The caregiver said Dad enjoyed his meal but it was tiresome standing in line to wait even though they went earlier, and the noise level was so high that Dad couldn't hear the caregiver to talk.
If so, what was his reaction?
Will he know it is his birthday?
In facility sounds good. May be in the facilities garden. If the weather is nice and he is having a 'good day'?
Going out to eat can be very tiring and exhausting and when a person with dementia or Alzheimer's get tired, they tend to have some behaviors and get irritated and upset easily.
When my Mom was still able to get into a car with assistance of 1 person, I would take her for a car ride for 30-60 minutes (something that we had done often over the 9+ years that we lived together) and at the end of the car-ride, I would go through the drive-thru of her favorite fast food restaurant and get a meal which we took back to the facility and ate in the dining room at the nursing home. Now that Mom has to use a mechanical lift for transfers, we reserve one of the small private dining rooms that the nursing home has available and bring "Take-out" food from the restaurant and a cake. The nursing home provides paper plates, silverware and drinks if we ask for them. We can also purchase meals from the nursing home if we eat at the same time they are serving the residents.
No matter what you do, always call the nursing home and tell the nursing staff on the unit where your Father-in-Law is what you plan to do so that they can toilet him prior to your little "Get-Together" & put clean clothes on him for photos that you take that day.
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