My Dad is 82 years old. He can not walk and for the the past few months, he dosen't even have enough energy to help stand himself up to get in a wheel chair.
He has a home health care aide, every day. Also my mother is a licensed medical assistant, she is still mobile and able to care for him as well. I check on him and visit with him almost every day of the week.
But lately, he has just changed in demeanor... He looks at me with concern in his eyes, he holds my hand and talks to me like he is never going to see me again. He has always told me how proud he is of me, but now he squeezes my hand and acts like he can't tell me enough before I leave. He makes comments like "If I'm here that long."
He is beginning to throw up his food...
He has COPD, he is always wheezing (wet sounds), worse after a breathing treatment.
It breaks my heart to see him this way.
He has had multiple hospital stays over the past 6-7 years... but last year we almost lost him. He had a severe infection... It hit him and the situation immediately escalated. The doctors could not believe that it attacked him so harshly so quickly. He almost died. He would hallucinate, go in to a deep sleep, he didn't know where he was... He told us that he talked to his Father (deceased for many years) and he told him that he would be ok.
But the Good Lord, let me keep him thus far. He knows that I need him.
During that Hospital stay, my mother and I were told that my father has sun downers as well.. So now we have been facing that too. I have noticed it getting worse at times.
I know he is tired... Something seems different... I cry just looking in to his eyes.. they look glossy and exhausted. This man worked till he was crippled and forced to retire, so he could raise me and take care of me. I love my daddy so much. I can't handle conversing on the death topic with him, and my mother is in denial. He sleeps all day and all she can say is "He didn't get enough sleep last night."
But his home health care aide is telling me "He constantly naps all day now."
Anyone have an opinion or information...
My heart is breaking, and I just need to know if his demeanor being this way is a sign, that my daddy could be slipping from me.
Thank you for your response! The information, support and well wishes are deeply appreciated.
They have done an xray of his lungs. No pneumonia. They considered it being worsening COPD. He already does breathing treatments and has to be put on oxygen at times.
They have done blood work, no infection again. Right now they are just keeping him comfortable.
My mother and I have been discussing hospice care, its just getting it in her mind that hospice dosen't always mean the end right then. Its just extra care that he needs. So we are in that process of the transition to hospice.
Its just this feeling I get when he looks at me now... I know he is tired. He acts like he is ready, but my heart most definitely is not.
Its very hard to keep composure when he is making these requests, because I am going to miss him so much. But I will make sure everything he asks for, gets Honored.
Thank you again,
I am trying to come to terms with what is coming... It is hard, but I want the best for my dad. Whatever brings him peace.
I'm doing everything I can to show my dad, that I'm going to be ok. I have an amazing husband and we take care of each other. My daddy has done an amazing job at raising me, loving me unconditionally and always being there... and I know he will always be with me.
Its just hard to think that the world will continue to go on, without him. I can't see my world continue to spin. But I know it will.
Thank you for your support and response.
Your words brought tears to my eyes and is heartbreaking and I know it is for you. It is very apparent how much you love your dad and how much he loves you. Most people don't like talking about death - in some ways I think it's because it makes it more "real" or as if talking about it will somehow make it happen.
He seems to know that his time is short and in his own way is conveying that to you by the way he looks at you, talks to you, by squeezing your hand and telling you how proud he is of you. I know how hard it is to see him this way. My father went very quickly after we found out he had Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer in 2004 - so quickly that even the hospice Case Manager was shocked and came on her day off when the nurse told her he would probably pass away that day which he did later that evening. He was the first parent I lost so I know exactly how distressing and surreal this is for you.
All I can say is to spend as much time with him as you can, be sure you've said all you want to say to him and as hard as it is try to reassure him that you and your mom will take care of one another.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. May God provide you strength and comfort during this time. I send you a hug!
I appreciate your support.
My Daddy is my hero, without him... Only God knows where I would have ended up in the system.
I hold him close to me, everytime I see him... I can't imagine going back to the home I was raised in, and not seeing him in his recliner.
Welcoming me home.
But someday, when its my time to go... I know I'll see him, standing again at the gates... Welcoming me home.
You have truly blessed me with your response.
Thank you! 🙏
May God Bless You!
I love my Daddy so very much. I'm just trying to wrap my mind around seeing my dad, who has been so strong while growing up, Now he is just... Withering away... He told me he is comfortable and happy with the care he receives... My mother and I are discussing hospice care, for extra support. My mother is beginning to tire herself. She is 73, but still very active and mobile. But I can tell she is beginning to slow down as well...
Thank you again for the support.
And your mom would get a lot of extra help and support as well as the supplies and equipment she needs to care for your dad.
You are a very lucky young lady. You have had a wonderful example of how parents should be. And you will pass that on to your child/children.
Now for the difficult question. Have you talked to your dad about your feelings and his feelings? Have you asked him why he is holding on to your hand longer. why he makes the comment.. "if I'm here that long",. Let him talk about what he is feeling.
Yes it is going to bring tears to both of you. But the conversation is important.
I think he needs to know that you and your mom are going to be alright. That you will take care of each other. And there might be things that he wants to plan .
And you will loose him.
It will hurt, a lot. But not forever. The hurt will change. It will go from a deep wound to a scar and that takes time.
He has actually done better talking to my mother about his plans.
But I will take your advice and see if he will open up to me about the comments he has been making. And see if he wants to talk about how he is feeling...
They are finishing up his will and final arrangements. I know my mother told me that he has been strict on getting that taken care of.
I am very emotional when it comes to my parents.... I just don't want to break down and scare him in any way... I dont want to make him nervous, with me sobbing.
Thank you so much for your response!!
God Bless You!
Well said. I've often heard hospice companies say that people often come to them later than they would have liked so your advice to get hospice on board sooner than later is best. When my dad was dying in 2004, I didn't really know anything about hospice care nor had I experienced death. My dad did lose his battle quickly with Pancreatic Cancer but, I still wish I had known about hospice sooner. I actually mysteriously heard it on a radio commercial. After that, I never heard it again until years later!
You're also right about both the chaplain (as well as social workers) being there for the entire family not just our loved ones. This time with my mom, I had hospice on board as soon as she qualified and especially with COVID - not being able to go inside, they have been my extra set of "eyes."
My goal is to have the best care for my daddy. I want him comfortable and relaxed. He does seem like he is " taking it easy"
My daddy really means the world to me. I need him, but someday Heaven will need him more... and I could never ask him to stay and suffer.
I will let go... When the Lord calls him home. But I will most definitely mourn forever for him.
Thank you for the support! I appreciate you.
You have been very blessed to have the relationship with your dad that you do. That is something that you will have to cherish until you see him in that day.
One thing that helps me is knowing that my dad will have no more suffering or pain. He will be young again and rooting me on as I finish my journey. May you find a similar peace knowing that this is just a short separation, not goodbye.
Great big warm hug!
Our deep faith in Jesus and our eternal home, knowing he will be in victory... Will be what keeps me strong. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.
God Bless you.
Just was wondering how everything is going for you and your family. If you have any updates you'd like to share, I hope you will.
May God continue to be with all of you -
"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
Sending you a hug!
I did make an update post.
Still struggling, but even through our storm... God is Good.
We realize that our parents will leave us one day. It’s hard. It’s sad. I thought about my dad dying as he slowed down.
My dad sensed the end was near. So did I. It broke my heart knowing that he was slipping away. I found comfort knowing that his pain and suffering would be over.
You are a lady of great faith. You know that an angel will be with him as he transitions into his next life. Then he will be looking over you. I know that my dad is watching me and sending me his love.
One day you will join him and rejoice in seeing him.
I wish you peace. Your father will live in your heart forever, just as my daddy lives in mine.
I do find peace knowing he will be in victory... That his pain will be gone for eternity and that I will be with him again someday.
It is the process of watching him decline that has my heart so broken... I see a strong man, making the decision to take on his 4th child at 57 years old, when he should have been thinking about retirement....
But he loved me so much, that he continued to work, till his legs gave out on him... He even started using a scooter to get around at work... And then as a teenager, I realized... He was coming home early because he was using the restroom on himself... He was so embarrassed, but he kept trying...
Finally one day, he had no option... He had to resign and retire....
My mother and I, appreciate him so much... We told him over and over that if he needed to retire earlier he could have... But he refused... He loves his family so much... We love him... It broke our hearts to see him, struggle... And now its even worse.
My Daddy is definitely my hero!
He Always will be!
It is very easy for me to sit down with my daddy and laugh, talk and sometimes even cry...
But the moment, he starts reminding me that he may not make it to a certain time... It just breaks me apart. I am a very emotional person... Especially when it comes to my parents.
Seeing him this way, has to be the hardest thing I have ever faced...
God Will see me through.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
I appreciate your support and prayers for myself and my family.
May God Bless you!