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Dad has been coerced by his wife (90's) to only let the step sister take care of health and business. Dad tries to talk about important topics but backs down when his wife pounds on the table and yells, "( Her) Daughter will do it. We will make our own decisions." The secret now known is they have been paying this daughter to help. This payment makes him feel independent.
They need trusts to replace their simple will. I was not invited to the first meeting. We all went to the second. The lawyer only presented the 1 unethical choice ( with intentional confusion)that would put most of their money under her control with the promise of dispersing it properly, give her POA over both. POA was not mentioned to parents but I know it's and integral part of any plan at this age. Step chose only the plan she and lawyer wanted presented. I have sound legal and financial advice about blended families but am open to hear more information. Dad did not want to return to the unethical lawyer. Great. I offered to make an appt. with a referred lawyer for all of us. All seemed to be in agreement. Time confirmed. Now stepmother is suggesting they will not attend. I can never speak alone with my dad. Step sister clearly does not want me to be alone with them. Now I think Dad is being convinced he should let her control the bill paying. I am panicked about what will happen in the next 3 weeks before we meet with the new lawyer. What will dad sign in the meantime without me. How do I protect my dad and get him to hear uninterrupted advice if he lets others prevent it? Will a signature under duress be legal? Dad can understand the information if professionally presented. Step mom can not connect to the second step.

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POA advice is right on. It is the best way to keep them out of a nursing home which is their goal that I support. Especially with 5 kids on each side a guardian would likely be assigned from a list of lawyers who would opt for a licensed elder care home as the easiest choice. They now do not want to talk to any more lawyers so I hope they will hear my pitch about keeping them home. I was hoping to have them hear it from the better lawyer I found but they want to cancel. Thank you.
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You need to make Dad understand that he needs to assign a POA. That it will make things so much easier for you in the future. It does not come into effect until he is not competent to handle his own stuff. Explain to him without a POA that the state can assign a guardian and then u have no say in what happens to him. You just need it to protect him.
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I think I would take him for a ride someplace, sightseeing or a place he enjoys and just have a private talk about your concerns, asking how you can help to ensure that he's protected.   And gently share your concerns about the step family's attempt to take over.
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manipulation Sep 5, 2020
I had a plan for that but they will not separate even for that. If we make it to the next lawyer she can create the setting for me as a natural part of the legal process.
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I hope dear step is aware that Trusts at this age are not good if parents need Medicaid in the next 5 years. Its considered hiding money and their lawyer should be aware of this.

If I were Dad, I would go to a lawyer of my choice and protect his half of the assets for you and him. He can also assign you as his POA for financial and medical revoking stepdaughter. This has been done. He can make up his own will making u Executor. For now, he is competent so if Step has a POA it is not in effect. He is capable of making his own decisions. I would ask him to not sign anything until he sees a lawyer.
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manipulation Sep 5, 2020
Dad seems to think it is disloyal to seek private opinions. We do understand the Look Back. I think I have him convinced not to sign anything. I do agree with him that we can use his funds to keep him out of a senior care center as long as possible. He hears Irrevocable trust and he sees it as a way to put him in a nursing home. That conviction may help him hold out until he accepts suitable but sad legal language. It is time for POA but a difficult thing for an aging adult to agree to.
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