Are you sure he has no appetite or just doesn’t want to or can’t eat? My father is gone now but he was almost 98 when he stopped eating. He had to go to the hospital to be rehydrated because he wasn’t drinking either. I tried to feed him while I was there visiting him. He just held the food in his mouth. He made to attempt to chew or swallow it. Eventually, I asked him to spit the food out. One of the doctors there told me that sometimes people his age either forget how to swallow or experience pain when they swallow. This may be the reason your father doesn’t eat.
Sudden appetite loss usually signals a health issue. Get an appointment with the doctor to rule out infections, GI obstruction, or other medical issues. In the meantime, offer small meals with healthy snacks in between meals - focus on protein and produce (fruit and veggies). Don't try to fill him up with carbs (breads, pasta, chips, cheap snacks) since they usually only have calories and no other desperately needed nutrients.
This happened with my Mom. Some people felt we should just “let her go”- - but I did everything I could to get her going again instead. Some doctors even recommended hospice. Once Mom felt better, she expressed her gratitude a thousandfold. I loved the time we had together and wanted her to live as long as she could. Getting her to eat again prolonged her life and her quality of life. Years later my teen suffered from anorexia, so I found these tricks and lessons I learned helpful and used them many times again.
First make sure there is no medical problem making eating different. Could he be constipated? Is it possible he is suffering from another illness causing nausea? Sinus congestion, post-nasal drip or mucous problems? Pneumonia? Can you get a CBC from his general practitioner or take him to the dentist for a gentle cleaning — my dentist routinely checks inside the mouth to make sure there is no problem. Could there be loose or painful teeth? Some kind of mouth infection? UTIs can also affect appetite. So can heat and smells like mold (and it sure has been hot and rainy around much of the country). Make sure his space is comfortable and freshly clean and nothing is affecting his allergies (such as mold outside).
If you can’t identify any root cause, start trying lots of different foods and flavor combinations. Savory, sweet, mild, bland, even spicy— mix it up and observe him closely. Read articles about appetite stimulant triggers (to avoid for dieters) and use these to help. (For example, salty and sweet combinations in some foods are supposed to trigger overeating such as chocolate chip cookies). Soft drinks are supposed to trigger overeating so try offering a soft drink. Let him leaf through a food magazine or watch a cooking show and the images themselves may trigger hunger. If he can help prepare food, it may increase his likelihood of eating. Ask him to grate the cheese or stir something if he isn’t too weak.
Put little snacks around. Just like the bartender puts out a small dish of nuts. Chips and salsa. M&Ms. Marshmallows. Cut grapes. Go for one bite here and there. Each calorie adds up. Even “empty calorie foods” could be helpful for stimulating a return of his appetite or his interest in eating.
Order off the kids menu. Rather than being “junk” - kids menus can be lifesaving for they are appealing comfort foods which are calorie dense and contain enough fat to provide energy. These are carefully constructed by educated nutritionists and can be critical to someone with serious problems eating.
Small plates of food are less overwhelming. Instead of 3 meals, try 6 “mini meals.” Try a slider instead of a burger. Cut things into small “cute” pieces. Garnish and make plates look pretty.
Make nostalgic foods. Roast. Lemon meringue pie. Homemade warm pudding from scratch. These are soft and easy to eat and may make him feel comforted. You may have a different cultural or family eating tradition - make things he ate as a child. Make the things he loved to eat as a young adult.
Praise him! “Good job cleaning your plate, dad!” “Eat that last bite and then you can can ———.”
Ask him for advice when he is “off guard” - which bite of cake do you like better, this one or that one? Do a “yogurt challenge” where you taste 4 different types and rate them.
Aromatherapy might help. Peppermint, Ginseng and Orange are among 3 scents known to stimulate appetite. You can burn incense, you can use essential oils, or even use commercially manufactured products like drug store lotions or shampoos. If you use essential oils, choose organic — note they must be used through a “carrier” (such as mixed with balm or lotion) - the oils alone are too strong and placed directly on the skin can burn. You can have him smell them on a cotton swab, or better yet, mist them using a diffuser.
My mom was refusing every bite and needed spoon feeding. Once her appetite returned, it returned to normal. Wishing you the best
divinelight: The fact that your father unfortunately suffered a stroke could have a bearing on his intake of food, e.g. swallowing issues. He requires a check up with his physician.
My Mom is also 95. She doesn't eat as much as before, but eats an ample amount. She needs her meat cut in small pieces and small amounts. She enjoys 1/2 sandwich for lunch, small amount of chips, or panera soup. Mom enjoys a little coke or cranberry juice. But no matter what, she always has ice cream for an evening snack.
My mother "failed to thrive." It was her wish, and we respected it. The staff, however, in the AL facility did not want her to die while under their care, so they kicked her out. She died three days later in her beloved house.
Check their weight frequently (at least once a month) and if they are losing weight, discuss it with their doctor. Be sure that they are hydrated, especially in hot weather. Often seniors forget to drink enough water (or non sugary drinks). You can also tell if this is happening if their urine is dark and smells strong. Sometimes as people age they have difficulty swallowing, or chewing. My mother (with dementia) started to "pocket" her food (she put it in her cheeks, rather than swallowing it). She was in a memory care facility, and they changed her diet to soft foods (a mush, similar to grits, scrambled eggs, a soft hash, you could add mashed potatoes, blended vegetables, ground meat, etc. ) Others in her residence had difficulty swallowing and they had to drink thickened liquids. Some tasty and healthy ways to boost a diet are smoothies and protein drinks. My mother always liked chocolate milk and hot chocolate. And there are always the meal substitute drings like Boost. You don't mention if your father has dementia. Some people with dementia "forget" how to eat (this happened to my mother). You could put a plate of food in front of her and she wouldn't do anything. She had to be fed. If I put food on a spoon and touched her lip with the spoon, she'd open her mouth and accept the food. All the best to you and your father!
I notice both of my 95 year old parents are eating much much less than they did. It hasn't affected their physical condition, they are the same as they were last year. I think this is just what happens when you are 95. The body doesn't need as much food. We are letting nature just take its course and not seeking a solution for a non-issue.
Grandma1954 July 29, 2023 9:39 am Since he had a stroke is he having more problems chewing or swallowing? I would get that checked. If there is no problem with swallowing or chewing let him eat what he wants when he wants. Do not "force" foods. And PLEASE do not consider a feeding tube, that can lead to more problems than it helps.
Be sure that his PCP is aware and offering directions. Also remember that as one ages and/ or other medical changes both contribute to appetite changes. Honor his " patient rights" to say yes or no to foods; ask him what he prefers. Taste buds change when aging also and different medications and illnesses may affect taste buds which then affect appetite. And, sometime, loss of appetite is indicative of changes in health that need addressing by PCP. After PCP consult, all things considered, let him make choices ( as long as safe) , affirm him, reduce anxiety for him and you about eating. Often loved ones need to see loved ones eating more than the loved ones need to eat. Watching changes can create anxiety among family members and " eating" is one of them. Take care of yourself, let him choose, speak with PCP.
You might also consider any new medications that have been recently started or stopped as many medications have an effect on appetite (increasing or decreasing).
Get him a doctor's appointment pronto. Loss of appetite is a warning signal of other problems. In the meanwhile, try offering him nutritional supplements: all those high calorie/protein drinks, fortified puddings (Ensure has some), and food bars.
everyone loves milkshakes , right? ok, at least I do and so did my mom and my friend's mom. We had them boarded together, so we could make a party out of our situation. Hamburgers and milkshakes with ensure added to it. They loved it.
Now, if dad has a swallow issue, like my aunt, he may need to be on blended foods, and thickened water.. (THICK-IT, I think was the name of the powder) It's a juggling act sometimes..
There was a booklet out a number of years ago, so now everything is on the net...
What to eat when you don't feel like eating....
Go for tasty things your dad likes... milkshakes, especially in summer may be one good thing,, blend in a protein shake or ensure... play his favorite music... make it a happy moment..
Make sure he is sitting up... Duh.. right? You would think.. But I found them trying to feed her in bed laying down with her neck leaning a bit forward... Not up in a sitting position....Not good....
My DH aunt is also losing weight. It is frightening. She will be 97 in Oct. She is on an appetite stimulate and seems to enjoy her food. So it seems that in-spite of eating, she is failing to thrive.
“Failure to thrive (FTT) describes a syndrome of global decline. The United States National Institute of Aging described FTT as a "syndrome of weight loss, decreased appetite and poor nutrition, and inactivity, often accompanied by dehydration, depressive symptoms, impaired immune function, and low cholesterol" [1]. FTT in older adults may represent a final common pathway toward death unless interventions can reverse the course.For some patients, FTT is caused by a single disease (eg, cancer) and the treatment of that disease drives the management plan. However, in many cases, multiple factors such as medical comorbidities, medications, and psychological factors contribute to impairment. Identifying and treating these contributing factors can change the course of illness, improve quality of life and function in this group of older adults; such treatment should be instituted as appropriate and in keeping with the patient's goals of care.”
this part. “such treatment should be instituted as appropriate and in keeping with the patient's goals of care.” Is what is difficult for me.
Aunts quality of life is poor being bed bound and with dementia, it seems harsh to prolong her life yet so hard to think there is something left undone that would make her more comfortable her remaining days.
Your father is blessed to have you in his life. You are not alone.
First make sure there is no medical problem making eating different. Could he be constipated? Is it possible he is suffering from another illness causing nausea? Sinus congestion, post-nasal drip or mucous problems? Pneumonia? Can you get a CBC from his general practitioner or take him to the dentist for a gentle cleaning — my dentist routinely checks inside the mouth to make sure there is no problem. Could there be loose or painful teeth? Some kind of mouth infection? UTIs can also affect appetite. So can heat and smells like mold (and it sure has been hot and rainy around much of the country). Make sure his space is comfortable and freshly clean and nothing is affecting his allergies (such as mold outside).
If you can’t identify any root cause, start trying lots of different foods and flavor combinations. Savory, sweet, mild, bland, even spicy— mix it up and observe him closely. Read articles about appetite stimulant triggers (to avoid for dieters) and use these to help. (For example, salty and sweet combinations in some foods are supposed to trigger overeating such as chocolate chip cookies). Soft drinks are supposed to trigger overeating so try offering a soft drink. Let him leaf through a food magazine or watch a cooking show and the images themselves may trigger hunger. If he can help prepare food, it may increase his likelihood of eating. Ask him to grate the cheese or stir something if he isn’t too weak.
Put little snacks around. Just like the bartender puts out a small dish of nuts. Chips and salsa. M&Ms. Marshmallows. Cut grapes. Go for one bite here and there. Each calorie adds up. Even “empty calorie foods” could be helpful for stimulating a return of his appetite or his interest in eating.
Order off the kids menu. Rather than being “junk” - kids menus can be lifesaving for they are appealing comfort foods which are calorie dense and contain enough fat to provide energy. These are carefully constructed by educated nutritionists and can be critical to someone with serious problems eating.
Small plates of food are less overwhelming. Instead of 3 meals, try 6 “mini meals.” Try a slider instead of a burger. Cut things into small “cute” pieces. Garnish and make plates look pretty.
Make nostalgic foods. Roast. Lemon meringue pie. Homemade warm pudding from scratch. These are soft and easy to eat and may make him feel comforted. You may have a different cultural or family eating tradition - make things he ate as a child. Make the things he loved to eat as a young adult.
Praise him! “Good job cleaning your plate, dad!” “Eat that last bite and then you can can ———.”
Ask him for advice when he is “off guard” - which bite of cake do you like better, this one or that one? Do a “yogurt challenge” where you taste 4 different types and rate them.
Aromatherapy might help. Peppermint, Ginseng and Orange are among 3 scents known to stimulate appetite. You can burn incense, you can use essential oils, or even use commercially manufactured products like drug store lotions or shampoos. If you use essential oils, choose organic — note they must be used through a “carrier” (such as mixed with balm or lotion) - the oils alone are too strong and placed directly on the skin can burn. You can have him smell them on a cotton swab, or better yet, mist them using a diffuser.
My mom was refusing every bite and needed spoon feeding. Once her appetite returned, it returned to normal. Wishing you the best
Since he had a stroke is he having more problems chewing or swallowing?
I would get that checked.
If there is no problem with swallowing or chewing let him eat what he wants when he wants.
Do not "force" foods. And PLEASE do not consider a feeding tube, that can lead to more problems than it helps.
Our inclination is to keep people alive no matter what. That’s why we’re caregivers. Yet sometimes it’s not the best thing for them.
take care. Lots of good advice on this forum.
One lil spoonful at a time, or a straw..if it's a milkshake .
My dad did not like seeing a lot of food in front of him when he started down this path.
Has hospice evaluated him yet, or palliative care?
Now, if dad has a swallow issue, like my aunt, he may need to be on blended foods, and thickened water.. (THICK-IT, I think was the name of the powder) It's a juggling act sometimes..
There was a booklet out a number of years ago, so now everything is on the net...
What to eat when you don't feel like eating....
Go for tasty things your dad likes... milkshakes, especially in summer may be one good thing,, blend in a protein shake or ensure... play his favorite music... make it a happy moment..
Make sure he is sitting up... Duh.. right? You would think.. But I found them trying to feed her in bed laying down with her neck leaning a bit forward... Not up in a sitting position....Not good....
Make sure that this is not a swallowing issue. As his doctors to order a swallow study done by a speech/language pathologist.
Wishing you well!
My DH aunt is also losing weight. It is frightening. She will be 97 in Oct. She is on an appetite stimulate and seems to enjoy her food. So it seems that in-spite of eating, she is failing to thrive.
“Failure to thrive (FTT) describes a syndrome of global decline. The United States National Institute of Aging described FTT as a "syndrome of weight loss, decreased appetite and poor nutrition, and inactivity, often accompanied by dehydration, depressive symptoms, impaired immune function, and low cholesterol" [1]. FTT in older adults may represent a final common pathway toward death unless interventions can reverse the course.For some patients, FTT is caused by a single disease (eg, cancer) and the treatment of that disease drives the management plan. However, in many cases, multiple factors such as medical comorbidities, medications, and psychological factors contribute to impairment. Identifying and treating these contributing factors can change the course of illness, improve quality of life and function in this group of older adults; such treatment should be instituted as appropriate and in keeping with the patient's goals of care.”
https://www.uptodate.com/contents/failure-to-thrive-in-older-adults-evaluation?topicRef=3015&source=see_link#topicContent
this part. “such treatment should be instituted as appropriate and in keeping with the patient's goals of care.” Is what is difficult for me.
Aunts quality of life is poor being bed bound and with dementia, it seems harsh to prolong her life yet so hard to think there is something left undone that would make her more comfortable her remaining days.
Your father is blessed to have you in his life. You are not alone.
Also, unless he is diabetic, things like ice cream and sherbet might be appealing.
unfortunately, this is a very common problem, especially when they are very elderly.