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I had to call the police on my mother because she assaulted me. She talked about violence in the past. I told the police it probably was dementia and past brain tumor. Everyone hates me. Me and my husband live with them and I don’t think anybody believes it happened. So they hate me. Me and my husband are thinking of calling social services. We’re both going to go to counseling and to get guidance on what to do.

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Why don't you tell the people that "hate you" that if they think they can do a better job with them, that you will be happy to drop them off tomorrow morning at their house, and see how that will change their tune. It's always easy for people to judge from afar isn't it?
But realistically, it's probably time to have your parents placed in the appropriate facility, as no one deserves to be assaulted or abused in any way, brain tumor or not. I have a feeling that this will only continue to get worse, and you nor your husband are equipped to be able to deal with it.
You are now at the point where you must do what not only is best for your parents, but also what is best for you and your husband. Wishing you the best.
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No one deserves to tolerate violence no matter the cause. Let others think or hate as they don’t understand. It’s not on you to make them get it. It is on you to decide if this living arrangement is sustainable as your parent’s needs have increased
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So... when you say "everybody hates me" what you actually mean is that your family members were angry and disappointed and strongly disagreed with you when you called the police to deal with your mother's behavioural issues.

As those issues on this particular occasion resulted in a physical assault on you, I wouldn't dream of suggesting that you were wrong to call the police. Not to arrest your mother or treat this as a criminal matter, but because the police are trained and experienced in controlling physically violent people. So I think you did the right thing - what happened when they came?

Does the rest of the family have much to do with your mother? Have they seen what actually happens when she kicks off, or ever had to cope with it?

I doubt if your family hates you, but if they're angry with you then they certainly don't understand what you're coping with. Do call social services, do get guidance, but also ask for information sources you can share with your family. It sounds as if they haven't got a clue.
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Good for you for choosing to participate in counseling.

Was the assault physical or verbal?
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You live with them? I would advise your moving out. If the senior is demented report them to APS as an adult at risk. If your husband won't move out then get a job, divide your assets PRIOR TO MOVING OUT and move out on your own.
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againx100 Jun 2021
profile says her parents live in an in-law apt off her house
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I am so sorry that your mom became violent. I totally agree with funkygranda. If your family members don’t believe you, tell them that they are welcome to give caregiving a go themselves. They will soon change their tune.

Stick with the counseling. I just read your profile. Congratulations on 25 years of marriage! I see where you have lupus. Please take care of yourself. You also say that you have an ‘in law’ suite in your home. I know that you are doing your very best caring for your mom but do you think that it may be time
to consider placement so your mom will be looked after 24/7 by a professional staff?

Wishing you and your family all the best.
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Will mom take meds to control her behavior? She's obviously not behaving in the normal acceptable range. If she's to stay on your property and be cared for by you, she is going to have to do something. Or you will need to have her moved into a facility of some sort. They will not put up with her violence either and will probably medicate her.

Your family can go jump in a lake. They don't understand what you're going through. I would kind of forgive them for their ignorance and not engage in arguing about it. Invite them to spend more time with their parents and/or take them in. It's easy for them to judge you without walking in your shoes.
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Your choices were limited in the face of violence. At that point, if you responded with any restraint or violence, you could be accused of abuse.
The police report may be the first step to getting help from social services if you can follow through and get guidance.

Keeping it to yourself would not have helped anyone. Hoping that you were not hurt physically. You can endure people hating you for a time. In the entirety of the caregiving experience, if someone doesn't disagree, or even hate you when the going gets rough, you may not be doing it right. imo.

When my husband's mother pushed me, we were able to leave, as we were only visiting and about to leave anyway. I decided to go no contact.
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