He is not suffering from any dementia etc---he is just a very cruel man---I have tried to help him as my mother passed away a year ago...he is now dating a woman---he is a narcissist....I just can't get it out of my head that he tried to strangle me---I'm a 50 yr old woman...help
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but just a reminder that calls to ‘be kind’ to someone who has abused you is a gaslighting tactic. It furthers the idea that the abuser is deserving of considerations that his or her victims are not.
~Meg Pillow’s Doppelfanger on Instagram
Please do not put yourself in harms way again, not for a parent, a friend, a lover.......nobody. Nobody has the right to raise a hand to us, nobody. Don't use the bible as a reason to put yourself in harm's way either, because God wants us to take care of OURSELVES and to honor the beautiful bodies and the minds He gave us.
If you are able to find a way to 'forgive' your father for the egregious crimes he has committed against you, that's great.........as long as it doesn't involve dealing with him in person and putting yourself in harm's way again in order to accomplish. Forgiveness is for YOU and your peace of mind, nothing else.
Best of luck.
This father is abusive now, and he raised his daughter in abuse. Those who are raised in abuse often think they deserve it, that it is their fault, and they stick around for more and more abuse. They often are condemned to continuing the cycle of abuse into their own next generation.
That this abuse may have links to his own past, or to his failing mind, doesn't factor for me at all. Psychiatrists may understand; Gods may forgive. That's THEIR job description; not mine. For myself I would try to help the victim who is being abused to move as quickly and as certainly out of harm's way as possible.
Would anyone tell a victim of child sexual abuse to forgive his or her abuser? Really? To me that is utterly incomprehensible. And one being victimized IS further victimized by being told to forgive. It is like telling someone with cancer that they can heal themselves, and then, if they are unable, to tell them that it is their own fault they are dying. It is piling victimization on victimization in my mind. But that's just my humble opinion.
My abusive brother is dead. We did NOT come to 'terms' before he died, I had not seen him in 12 years prior to his death.
My mother asked me if I felt 'terrible' b/c I had not forgiven him. I told her what one therapist had said to me.
'Christ said to turn the other cheek, He did not ask us to stand there and be slapped to death'.
This ONE statement changed my entire outlook on my 'responsibility' to mend a relationship that could not be mended.
GET OUT--before he kills you. Stay away and work on having relationships that are not toxic and cruel.
I'm so sorry for what you're experiencing. To be abused by those who should love us is so hard to deal with.
You've gotten great advice here--please take it.
I am a Christian. I am a practicing Christian, who in the past has been deeply, deeply involved in my church. I grew up in a family active in church.
My mom was a woman of deep faith. But, as my sister so eloquently said at her funeral, she never used her faith as a "cudgel". She expressed her faith in deeds, rather than words, and taught us, her 3 daughters to do the same.
When I used to teach confirmation class, I warned each class about "Christian bullies". People who use their faith as a "cudgel" to "beat" you into what they want. And to quote scripture while someone does that doesn't make it right.
For anyone saying "to forgive is Christian", I say this: Jesus also spoke about the responsibility on the part of the person to be forgiven - and that part is "repentance". Even He told the sinner whom he forgave to "go thou, and sin no more."
For someone who is unrepentant, who fully intends to continue the sinful behavior, to seek forgiveness is being a hypocrite. As a Christian, the price you are expected to pay in return for being forgiven is to try and live your life more like the example set before us by Jesus - to "go thou and sin no more". That doesn't mean to continue the behavior.
For those who say forgiveness is for your healing as well - maybe. But maybe forgiveness is as simple as removing yourself from the abuse and not wishing vengeance on your abuser. We are called as Christians to "love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you". It's not "like your enemies, and hang out with those who persecute you."
I'm sure this really hurts since you thought he'd changed. Glad you're going to get therapy to help you deal with this.
You owe him NOTHING. And you never have to see him again. It is totally your choice. Draw the boundary line and just keep away from him, no convo or confrontation needed.
Good luck.
This is not a ‘forgive and forget’ issue for your family or your family business, and he is not being ‘nice’, he is covering his tracks. Property will get dealt with when he goes to jail – before or after the murder.
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