My elderly father had a stroke and my mother cannot care for him. He is abusive and refuses to go to an assisted living center. What can we do?

Hmm... I just noticed this was several days ago. The OP must have left the building.

I am at the same point that Eyerishlass talked about. My mother wants to die in her home and refuses to go into a facility. The truth is that as long as they are mentally competent we cannot force them to do things. We have to wait for a crisis and hope it is not too serious.

Hoktuce, are your parents open to having a professional come in to help at least part time? Some people when they get older don't want to leave their home, but don't want anyone to come in. It is totally illogical, since it is putting so much responsibility on the person or people who are there. What does your mother want to happen? I know she must feel helpless, particularly if he is abusive. The abuse is normally just a way to control someone.

I agree that 911 should be called the next time he gets abusive. A trip to the ER will facilitate the change your mom needs.

I couldn't get my mom to the hospital but I knew she needed to go so I waited for an opportunity (she fell, didn't get hurt) and called 911. She was so weak and feeble I knew she'd fall eventually so I just waited.

My grandfather reached a point where he needed to go into a home, but refused. Through my efforst and research i found that somtimes you have to let things get worse before they can get better. For example, my grandfather eventually fell and fractuired his hip. This caused a hospital stay which turned into nursing home care. You say your father is abusive... as the previous poster mentioned, getting the law involved may be the an option. If not the only other route I know of would be to apply to your local probate court to become his legal conservator. Its a process and is a LOT of paperwork... but once you are granted conservatorship you can make choices FOR your father. Choices such as going into a home :-) Good luck

The next time he is abusive, she should call 911 and have him taken into protective custody and taken to the hospital for a psy evaluation.

A couple of years ago, my mom did call the police on dad. Reporting domestic abuse. He spent a day in custody. He never did it again. But, in retrospect we could later identify the issue as brain damage. Wish she had had him taken to the hospital instead...they would have seen the problem..maybe in time to help him.