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My mom fell down the stairs a year ago and can’t stand up etc and refuses medical help so she has stayed on her couch since then. We can’t force medical care for her - we make sure she has food etc.
She uses pads when she goes to the bathroom but they leak etc so the couch is soaking wet - it smells terrible and the floor is wet too!

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".. this situation that we can’t do one thing about".

Yes you can. Stop. Look for help. Act.

I wish you strength & clarity as you move forward to face the reality of your situation & the future. Yes your Mom may be in denial. Ask yourself, are you too?

Your Mother is unwell & her behaviour is serious self-neglect.

I am assuming you live with her as she cannot move? Have taken on the care role? If so, you have a duty of care.

Being bed-bound should not include being wet & dirty. Is Mom refusing to move/ refusing hygiene? This warrants psych input. Or if physically unable move, a lifting machine is required.

People deemed capable have the right to rot away slowing in their own home if they wish.

If your Mom cannot move, but cannot reason she must for hygiene purposes I doubt very much she has all her reason. Therefore as her caregiver YOU must use your reason.

You DO have choices here.

To enable this situation or not.

What is stopping you calling emergency services?
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These are the consequences of trying to convert you house into a nursing home.
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You’re feeding her illusion that she’s doing okay living this way. Being urine soaked is unhealthy and can cause skin to break down. Not being able to move from a sofa is definitely unsafe. She needs medical help to know what can and can’t be addressed to help her. I’d call your area agency on aging and ask for help. If that fails consider adult protective services. It’s time to act in her best interests as she seems unable to do so. And no, the smell isn’t going away
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You are not helping your mother just allowing her to live in denial. Stop doing for her and call adult protective services. I am surprised she has not had a blood clot yet from just sitting in one place all day and not getting up. Not to mention her skin must be raw from sitting in urines and feces. How does she wipe her behind if she never gets up? Sitting in that
can lead to bed sores and staph infection. No one in their right mind would live like this. She needs mental help.
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What a terrible situation your mother has created for herself, but mostly, for YOU and your brothers! What is her husband doing? Is he helping out too or is he disabled after his stroke? Her severely swollen legs and feet can indicate a life threatening situation; I wonder if she realizes that? You can always call 911 and have the EMTs come out and do an evaluation on her one of these days. Or call APS to report the situation in mother's home; then THEY will take action on her behalf if they feel she's living in an unsafe environment.

You can't save a person from herself, but APS can!

In the meantime, if you get a new couch, the same thing will happen again. You can change the flooring, too, but nothing will get rid of urine soaked floors or fabric.

My question is......if you bring in a new couch, how are you going to get her off of the old one and onto the new one?

Wishing you the best of luck with a very, very difficult and dangerous situation.
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Well..you know what to get mom for Christmas. A new couch.
I would get one and include one of the full size protectors that they sell for pets. It will be washable and will fit the couch. AND you will still need to use either washable or disposable absorbent pads.
Is she wearing incontinence underwear? If not she should be as that will absorb more urine than a pad or the pads you sit on. (the urine pads do not absorb a lot and are really intended for "dribbles" or what might be considered stress incontinence. )
Oh, when you buy the couch stay away from fabric ones. They are more comfortable but they are more difficult to clean. And the couch protector will soften the surface so it will not be hot and sticky in warm weather.
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You need to throw the couch out. The urine has gotten into the cushions and no amount of cleaning is going to help. That rug needs to be torn up. Urine gets in the backing and again, no way to get it out. The subfloor is probably ruined.

No person in their right mind would live this way. Mom has had some kind of mental break. I would call APS (Adult protection services) and see if they can help. If Mom was alone, she would probably be taken out of her home. This is a health problem.
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My mother has a recliner that has been saturated with urine so many times. She thinks that sopping it up with towels is sufficient. Sometimes YB will get the carpet cleaner out, but the smell is unbelievable. Getting it wet again seems to make it worse, rather than better.

This is something you cannot keep ahead of w/o a LOT of vigilant care.

If I had a say in mom's care, she would have a LEATHER recliner that was lined with fresh CHUX pads daily..or as needed. Then, a soft blanket (I'd have 4-5 of these so there is always a clean one. Maybe even heavy towels beneath the chux--I think this would be a learning process.

If the carpet has been soaked repeatedly, you will NEVER get the smell out. I'd redo mom's floors to be a non slip hardwood. Then as soon as they get wet, they are cleaned.

Since I have no say in mom's care, this is all just what I would do IF I were in charge. She lives in an attached apartment to YB's home. The smell can be unbearable. I usually change my clothes from the skin out when I get home from visiting her. My SIL Is beyond furious about this issue--this is her home and if she doesn't keep wax melts going 24/7 in the common hallway, the smell of sick old urine is awful. For a long time mom had an indwelling catheter, but she had to have that removed as it was always leaking. She is now in 'diapers' as she calls them and she cannot seem to find a combination of pads/briefs, etc to control the flood of urine. She'd 'forgotten' how to go to the bathroom and now is re-learning how to do that.

I'm sorry, but the smell will never come out.
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Hi Stacy,

I read your profile. You have tried to help your mom, but she refused. One good thing is that she has money. I recommend you throw out the urine soaked couch and buy another one with her money. Cover the new one well and place disposable underpad where your mom sits and replace it when it gets soiled.
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There is no way to get the urine smell out of the couch of it has been soaked.
The couch has to be thrown away and replaced with a new one.
I had clients whose furniture was saturated with urine because the wife pissed on it all day long. She too was in denial and her husband was at the end of his rope with her. We went and bought new furniture and plastic covers for it. His wife didn't like it, but there was no other way.
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