My dad's wallet with everything was stolen. What can I do to help?

I'd first of all call the aide and ask for confirmation that your father did have his wallet with him when he was taken to the hospital.

If he did, and all of that sensitive information has fallen into the wrong hands... phewf.

I assume you've already contacted the hospital to ask if anything's been handed in?

Oh *dear.*

I know it can't be much consolation but I'm afraid your father is reaping what he's sown. The trouble with keeping control entirely in your own hands is what happens when your own hands are out of action for any reason.

If the rules are approximately the same as here, each bank will need its own original certified copy of your POA; it isn't that the POA has to refer to each account, it's that each bank needs to get have original documentation in its paws to ensure compliance. What does your POA say about managing finances on your father's behalf?

Start by calling the patient advocate at the hospital he was admitted to and ask for his/her assistance in locating the wallet.

Does dad have a building super or neighbor you can trust to enter the apt? Does dad keep a list of credit card numbers anywhere in the apartment? Do you trust his aide to help with this?

Finally, you MUST freeze dads credit immediately.
.https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0497-credit-freeze-faqs

It this article are the numbers of the 3 credit bureaus. Freezing his credit would be the best thing to do. I believe this can be done 24/7. Call one of them now and explain the situation.

Sorryselma, would anyone be upset if you took matters in your own hands? That would be a hard one for me to not want to jump in and get those cards cancelled and bank accounts looked into.

It was suggested to me on here one time to make contact by email or mail to the bank and social security office when my sibling attempted to change dad's bank account information behind my back. They all graciously responded and told me what steps needed to be taken. Maybe even ask law enforcement for advice.

Either way, I'm so sorry this has happened.

By the way, way too much information is being kept in that wallet.

Look in all his shoes in his closet and between his mattresses

And he’s a grown man able to handle his own affairs . Until he asks or is unable to answer , it’s best that nobody takes control of his affairs . Put yourself in his shoes . How would you like it if every time u misplaced something or had a situation your kids threatened to take control of EVERY aspect of your life ? Just help him . That’s all .

That question REALLY ERKS ME ! How bout his dinner ? Did you check his refrigerator or his bank accounts ?

Report everything stolen, cancel his credit cards. Or better yet, go online and freeze them. Find a safe place for his papers, that is a recipe for disaster.

Get his Social. You'll need it to do anything. And posters, the point is that she CAN'T look for the wallet, as she is on the opposite end of the country. And she can't freeze accounts without account numbers and the approval of a man with dementia who won't give up control. Sorryselma, are your sisters working 14 hours a day? I ask because it takes either a mind-boggling busy schedule or a complete lack of compassion to refuse to help prevent a man from losing all his money. I would think self-interest alone would enable them to spend an hour keeping his bank accounts safe. I'm constantly amazed by how some children won't step up and do the absolute least they can do. Anyway, you need to talk to your Dad at a good moment and explain that his wallet was the Holy Grail for thieves. He provided everything a thief needs to take every dime he has, steal his identity, use his credit cards, open new ones, get cash, etc. He needs to give you authorization over his finances if he wants to have any finances. Maybe this will be the wake-up call he needs. And make sure he never puts all that info in the same place again. I hope the wallet turns up and he doesn't get ripped off.

Start by filing a police report. Then, report the loss to his banks, credit card companies, and social security. Have all his financials switched to online payments and notifications including bank statements. You should be able to monitor the financials from home and pay from his accounts online. Dad needs to get a state ID card - available at DMV - and a reloadable debit card as his "credit card". The debit card won't be linked to any of his accounts and he should have enough money loaded for a week's worth of expenses. Reload the debit card weekly. Ask family to go to Dad's place to locate all his financial paperwork - anything that could be used to identity theft - and send it to you. That should help with the finances and their paperwork.

While family is at it, ask them to help dad secure valuables. He might be misplacing them or outside help could be taking things or he could be gicing things away and forgetting about it.

Freeze all his accounts with the 3 financial credit firms immediately. You can’t do this fast enough. Do a police report. I would consult with experts in identify theft for further preventive measures. Of course cancel credit cards etc.

You need to get his account numbers from his home, anyway you can and as quickly as you can, then contact every institution and put a stolen information and fraud alert. Do this for the 3 credit bureaus as well, that will lock his credit down.

You should send the police to the hospital to have dad file a stolen property report, they are supposed to put this stuff safely away and give the patient a receipt with an accounting of what was there. This is the hospital not doing their job to protect him.

You need to get on this ASAP, it could already be to late. Tell your siblings that they are the meanest humans I have ever heard about. Who couldn't rearrange a day to help with this type of emergency.

Mom had her pocketbook stolen when she went to NYC with my sister. Who did nothing. My brother has POA and was able to stop everything online immediately. You can do this from anywhere.

Start faxing out that POA to everywhere Dad has active accounts. When the crisis is controlled, consolidate into as few as possible. Someone, you, will then take over all financials. Dad can get bills in the mail but you will arrange payments online. Take away his checkbook and credit cards. He doesn't need them. If you don't want to physically take them away just deactivate them and make sure his aides know this.

Why is Dad being cared for by people you don't trust? It sounds like you have other problems. Your sisters may be "overworked" but that isn't as serious a problem as your dad's safety.

See my reply to Isabelsdaughter. I'm pressed for time at the moment, but if you need more info, let me know!

Go online. There are phone numbers for all of the three credit reporting agencies. Put a hold on credit cards, notifying them of theft. Yes, you can, with your POA freeze the credit with letters and proof of your POA. I don't really understand POA that has no access to banks. Everyone needs to be notified. Do know, when you notify one agency such as Experian, it is reported to all three. When my bro died I notified all three just in case. Your Dad's charge card companies will be very helpful. They do not want fraudulent charges. Sorry this happened. This will be very complicated and will get a good deal worse if Dad insists on staying both in control and on carrying all that unneeded stuff around with him. I don't carry anything by my medical insurance card in my wallet; it is far too dangerous and having had my wallet ripped off two decades ago I will never get over how difficult it was to handle each thing one at a time. But one at a time is where you are. So sorry this happened. Do know that experian et al can either freeze or put some sort of warning on Dad's accounts. Speak with them. Often on those online sights you will have a "chat" or "Questions" option to learn from . Good luck.

Have you asked the hospital if they have a place where they put items that they receive from patients who are admitted? Most hospitals put personal belongings, including glasses, keys, shoes, and wallet, into a bag when they change people into a hospital gown. If your father wasn't competent to guard them, they should have put this bag somewhere else to safeguard it.
Your father may not know or remember if they did this.
If you determine that the wallet was actually stolen, then other people on this site have given you some good advice. Your POA DOES give you the right to communicate with all of your father's banks or creditors, but you may be asked to show both it and your own ID as proof.

why not call the credit card company and bank and sort that out with them.

You have the authority to make a police report.

I went to the police. I was asked how much was stolen. I said none. I had called the bank and closed the account and cancelled the Western Union account the scammer had opened in my name as sender sending my money to a foreign country, looting my whole account. Luckily, that stopped the scammer from getting anything. The Police were not interested and dropped the whole thing and would not take a report. No use to call the Police unless you lose money. They do not get involved and don't even want to investigate the matter.

If you have a general POA, be prepared to give hard copies to every single bank, SS or other agency, etc. he dealt with. YOU are in full authorization to speak on his behalf. Figure out every account he had with anyone whatever and call them immediately. Tell them what happened and have them freeze all accounts at once. DO NOT WAIT. All contact SS and anyone who was involved with him. Don't discuss this or talk with him or ask him - just do it. He has dementia so anything he says does not matter. You must immediately seek to protect everything he owns - NOW. You may have to open new accounts which is fine and the agencies will guide you accordingly but the old stuff must be closed. Can you get your sisters to at least send you a Xerox copy of whatever they find to help you - that is not much to ask and they wouldn't have to do anything more than that - but you need that information at once.

This brings up another point. Every single person on this earth who has a credit card, or a bank account, a license, whatever MUST MAKE COPIES OF THE PARTICULAR ACCOUNT AND FILE IT IN A SAFE PLACE ON A MASTER LIST ALONG WITH TELEPHONE NUMBERS. That way if a wallet is stolen, all you need to do is go to that file, pull up the corresponding copies of the cards, accounts, etc. and call the numbers - problem solved. IF YOU DON'T DO THIS, HEAVEN HELP YOU. I did this since my early 20's and I will be 87 and my list is updated with every new account transaction.

Imho, as I'm just seeing this two days after the fact, what I offer may be lost to the cause. Cancel CC's, notify financial institution, obtain Durable PoA and contact SSA.

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for the incredibly helpful posts. Here's an update... On Friday, I called one of the three credit bureaus and explained the situation about my dad's wallet. They said they couldn't do anything over the phone and that I would have to mail a photocopy of his s.s. card and valid id, along with a utility bill and cover letter to a P.O. Box in Atlanta, GA. They didn't seem to care that I had a POA and his s.s. #. It wasn't lost on me that collecting all these documents would take weeks, especially given that I am clear across the country.

Yesterday I was actually able to place a freeze on his credit file with all three credit bureaus online (Equifax, Experian, and Transunion) as well as put a fraud alert with one that is relayed to the other two agencies. I do have pins and will store them in a safe place, if we need to unfreeze his credit one day in the future for any reason.

One of my sisters who lives in NY has now agreed to take care of the individual banks to check the balances on his accounts and alert them about what happened to prevent any unauthorized withdrawals. It doesn't help that my two sisters in NY don't get along, and feel that it's the other's responsibility. As you might imagine, I don't feel comfortable flying to NYC right now with the pandemic, I think having frozen his credit is a big relief for all.

Yes, his dementia is pretty advanced and he should definitely hand over his finances and bank papers. He is home from the hospital now, and we are going to make sure he carries very little with him, certainly not his s.s. card or bank info. I have offered to get all his accounts online - and create spreadsheets, but he has refused.

It felt like I was little more than a stranger off the street when I was calling banks and credit bureaus calling to cancel credit cards and inquire about credit freezes. The truth is he lacks the foresight and trust in us to manage his finances. We are all girls; he trusts my brother-in-law more because he is a guy and an attorney. This was a crisis waiting to happen.

I appreciate all your wisdom so much!

I became POA about a year before dad ended up in hospital. At that time I converted all of his bills online. I live in FLORIDA he in NJ. When he got out of hospital I explained to him what I did because I wanted to make sure all his bills were paid. Then I asked him did he wanted to take care of it? Fortunately he liked the idea that I was taking care of bills. I am able to go online to see his banking statements and did have to give each bank a copy of the POA. I went physically to each bank and introduced myself. Dad is 98. A little forgetful and does still worry that a bill must be paid. He gets no bills at home. But if he asks I will talk to him about his property tax or whatever Bill he is worried about, and that I sent in the bills. He will always ask me "who is paying?" I tell him me, but they are taking the money out of your check book. That seems to appease him. Fortunately he doesn't have any credit cards. I take care of water, newspaper, estimated tax, property tax, insurances, has and electric all online.

Dad has dementia. He is not capable of handling his finances. You should proceed.

Edit - likely next to impossible to obtain Durable PoA in your situation.

I would continue to check with the hospital concerning his wallet. Different shifts, different staff. The right hand doesn't know what the left hand did.

You do realize that your POA is in effect since Dad is no longer competent. Meaning that, you can take over his finances. Its no longer what he wants but what he needs. If he must have a wallet, put an expired drivers licence in it. In junk mail you are always getting fake credit cards in mail. Maybe even play money that looks like real. If he likes keys, old car and house keys.

Great that you were able to freeze his credit reports online! However, please understand that this protects his "identity", NOT his current cards or bank accounts. It will prevent anyone from opening new accounts in his name, securing a rental, etc.

I highly recommend you contact the credit card companies, if you have not already, and freeze or close those accounts as well. With mom's only credit card, the DPOA was enough to let me monitor the account (phone only, they would not allow online access), and report lost/stolen, freeze the account, etc.

Hopefully the sister can make headway with the bank accounts. If they are not POAs, they may not be able to, but they could have the bank contact you or you contact the bank (you'll have to provide the POA.)

"I have offered to get all his accounts online - and create spreadsheets, but he has refused." Offering is nice, but with dementia is too often pointless. I offered MANY times to set up online payments for mom, esp when she complained "it was all too much", but couldn't explain what "all" was. She generally said no, it gave her something to do.

At some point it was clear she couldn't manage this so well and I just took over. I did have to visit the bank and credit union. Getting SS deposit moved to CU so I could close the bank account was going to be an issue, BUT I discovered THEY can file to do this and it automatically stops the other deposit. Once that happened, I closed the bank account (she only opened that to have easier access to ATM cash.) In both cases, I took mom with me, along with the POA, but no one EVER asked her a thing. She just stood there and rifled through her wallet and purse, as usual. I changed mailing address to me (2 of us are also joint on her account.)

Next I had her mail temporarily forwarded to me (used my own local PO), so I could get her bills, change the billing address and enter the info into her CU account. I did NOT use the ebill option, I prefer having the statements in case anyone needs to see them! I did set up everything so that I could enter the amount and dates of payments. The only thing missed was her insurance, as it is only once/year and didn't fall into the temp forward. This resulted in her calling the CU to get checks, which were sent to me. When she called about not getting the checks, they told her it was sent to me. Not a peep about it from her! (NOTE: The PO will sent notice to your dad about the forwarding - hopefully this can be "managed" or a sister can snag that from the mail before he sees it.)

What I found is billers do NOT care where the bills are sent, so long as they get paid. Service address, if needed, remains the same, just the billing address is updated. I didn't even have to provide POA to any. When I called the town about her tax and water bill (one quarter was missing, needed for filing taxes), the woman actually OFFERED to change the mailing address without me asking!

Because SS and Medicare cards are also involved, you will need to contact them. FYI - SS has rules about managing someone else's SS funds. They require you to become rep payee. This does require a special account, to be opened once it is approved. I do live in another state, and used my own local SS office to do this (NO federal entities honor POAs.) She also was sent notice, but by then we had already moved her to MC and nurse was smart enough to hold it for me (the main reason I had to do this was the address for paperwork needed to be changed, esp since the condo was to be sold.)

Others will say you don't need to do this, but paperwork from them when I did it clearly says this is how it should be done. It would also solve problems for you as the acct would be new and only accessible by YOU. If he has other sources of income or assets, they can't be used in this new acct. The bank should create a new account and issue new ATM cards (hopefully they will use your address, and you hold those cards!)

Get a male (or male-sounding voice) to call the various numbers and says its him. Obviously someone you trust.

Have your name added to each of his accounts.
As POA you may be able to do that alone, or may
need his voice, or signature to do it.
See what the law is in his state.
My mother added me to her bank account just by
asking her bank to add it and having them mail
me a signature card. that was pre POA
For credit cards she added me as authorized user.
You could also call his credit card companies wo
id'ing him or you, just ask their policy regarding
a poa, or if a name needs to be added to an account.
Then when practicable, set up online access for
each of his accounts. He can continue to get paper
statements, but you can then monitor online for suspicious
activity, payments being made on time etc. You may be
able to add your name as authorized user via online
access once you set it up .
You shouldn't need a POA to set up online access.
Just create an email account for him, use that for his
contact email, and start setting up online access (make
sure you do not click on anything that stops paper statements)

Also see if one of your sisters might be able to put
a baby monitor camera or surveillance camera or
a nanny cam in dad's apartment.
Even if you only put one in the apartment, let
any and all aides believe there are a number of
nanny cams/spy cams in the apartment. with live feed
going to all of his children's phones and computers.