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My son and I watch movies at night in the adjacent room to where my father sleeps because it is the coolest room in the house. My father refuses to turn on the air because he insists it is too expensive. The house gets over 100 degrees in the summer. So at night my son and I watch tv in the room next to his, which is my room. My son is temporarily living here because he is going thru a nasty divorce. Some nights a movie may have a sexual scene. Recently he insisted that he heard us having sex and that it was my voice he heard and it was definitely us and not the tv that he heard. He became enraged when I told him he was wrong and insisted he knew it was me. I don’t know how to handle the situation because I live in the house. I am 61 years old and can’t bear the thought of moving again. He is totally delusional, this never happened and I don’t know how to handle it. Please, are there resources to help me?

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Does your father have dementia?
If not, you need to move yourself and your son from these premises sooner rather than later. If your father does have dementia, I do not feel that your son should be living here. This is not a good dynamic, and of course the TV goes immediately. Sorry, but it simply does. You and your son don't spend time in your bedroom together while this delusional thinking is going on. Not to watch TV and not for anything else. While this is clearly delusional thinking, if Dad isn't demented then it is seriously crazy and scary. Even WITH dementia this is crazy thinking, and not safe.
Tell me that there are no guns in this house. We hear of guns having to be removed over and over again on the forum.
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Is it possible to tell dad that you are sorry, your son went out and you snuck the mail man in for a little whoopie and you didn't mean to make so much noise?

You won't convince him that he didn't hear you, but you might convince him that it wasn't your son.

This might be easier to get ac on if everyone that lives there is paying their far share. Which is only right. He shouldn't have to be paying for anyone's living expenses but his own. You may have to get a second job to make this work if he is now doing all his own care. In his eyes he is the caregiver.
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OMG I feel for you! Hang in there, and if he has dementia it may pass. I know when dad moved in with me, if I was watching any movie that had any kind of sex scene I shut it down if he came with in sight..because he would either want to watch (yech) or think he was 25 again. Kind of like when my DD was young. I also agree that at 61 (my age) you don't need to be sweating your butt off. Can you get a window unit? The noise may make it harder for him to hear the TV.
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Djr9860 Aug 7, 2019
I have just a box fan which works great at night but during the day it’s still hot.
Ive been in this room all day. It’s actually a little cooler today..... only about 83 outside.... of course hotter in here with no air. It’s El Cajon CA. so warmer this time of year. I am still in disbelief
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His house is paid for and in bad shape at that. I was gonna live here thinking we could help each other. The house is actually in a trust and going to me when he is gone. Now is is probably gonna take me off. No one else talks to him. I have been the only one. He has no friends. He won’t come to church with us. He is extremely stubborn. i totally wasn’t expecting this. Just happened last night.
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pamzimmrrt Aug 7, 2019
If the house is in a trust, and he had dementia,, he probably cant change it now.. look into this
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So far, most of the answers have suggested moving out, but this may be frustrating to hear and not the best decision right now. You’ve indicated that there are financial reasons you just moved in with your father. It sounds like there may have also been safety issues because your father is experiencing delusions and likely other symptoms of dementia.

As you will learn, it is impossible to argue with someone who has dementia. Often, the best response is to agree, acknowledge your father’s underlying discomfort if you can quickly identify it, and then divert his attention.

For example if he accused you of stealing his wallet: “Maybe I did take it. Let’s see if we can find it together.” Or if he accuses you of being mean to him: “I know the world feels cruel right now. I don’t like this either. But, we have each other, and we will get through it together.” Follow it up with a question about his favorite sports team or another diversion. There are are a lot of resources for caregivers. These examples came from the excellent book by Virginia Morris, “How to care for Aging Parents.”

Addressing thinking you had sex (with your son) in the room next to his, He is probably reacting to the noise issue: “Dad, I’m sorry we were loud last night. We will be quieter.” He’s used to a quiet house without anyone there!

100 degrees in the house is absolutely too hot, this is especially true for seniors who can’t regulate their temperature very well anymore. He is probably using poor judgment in other aspects of his life as well. It’s time for you to use all your creative powers to trick him (remember no arguing because logic won’t work) into taking better care of himself. Turn on the air when he’s asleep or when he won’t notice as much. Tell him that he received free AC from the company for being such a low cost customer and provide him with a certificate “from the company” to make this seem more real. Do what you need to do to care for him.

One last suggestion is that you look into Medicaid if money is an issue for long term care. You might even be able to be paid as his caregiver, depending on the regulations of your state. A free consultation with an eldercare attorney can answer many of these questions.
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Djr9860 Aug 7, 2019
Yes.... I was worried about him. He kept talking about dying and was worried about dying and he dog not being found for a long time. We decided to this. I was going to be looking into being paid to care for him. I work in 3 different salons as an esthetician. But it is so slow right now.... being summer. He told me God brought me to him as his companion. I think he was expecting more from me, in an unhealthy way. A few years ago he told me we should walk around the mall together and hold haw so that everyone would think he is all that. I told him to stop and I wasn’t doing it. Just feels that he expects things from me inappropriately and now this absurd accusation about my son is just unbelievable.
I think he has been alone too long and had unrealistic expectations of me. I don’t know how to reach his doctor. He doesn’t tell me any of that.
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Sounds like you are living with your father, if so it is his house, and he makes the rules. Why don't you and your son move out? Your father is not going to get better.
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He isn’t going to get better. He will get worse. It’s a gross delusion but he may forget it before long.

Am assuming that you live in his house, and unless you’re willing to live with these problems, you need to move. Yes moving is hard, but you’re only 61... depending on your father’s age, you will have years and years more of this. Use it as a chance to downsize and move.

Living in a 100 degree house would be enough to run me outta there!
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Djr9860 Aug 7, 2019
True.... but I have no money right now. I’m barely making enough to get by. I work by appointment and it’s been a slow time. I’m going to look into aid. I can’t live line this. I need to find options. I was helping him with meals and cleanup and laundry. Now he won’t let me and he is passively aggressively going around the house and doing what I was doing. I’m just staying away in my room. He is extremely stubborn. You’re right staying here island option. But it will take time for me to get out. One day at a time....
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This isnt working out.

You shouldn't be forced to live in 100 degree heat.

Your dad needs to move someplace affordable.

You need to call his doctor and report the delusions (dad may have something like a UTI, or his dementia could be advancing).

I would do the following: report the symptoms to dad's doctor. Make a plan to move ( sorry). Offer to help dad find affordable accommodations and caregiving.

This is an unsustainable situation
Kudos for trying, but move on.
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