My dad pays me $1000.00 a month for his full time care. Is he paying me too much?

You deserve at least twice as much. Shame on your sister. Senior day care is over $1,000 a month and then you still care for him from late afternoon until the next morning and all day on the weekends.

Your sister needs to give her head a shake and instead thank you for your work. $1000 is not near enough. You should be paid at least three times that amount. Show this post to your sister.
It infuriates me when the siblings who are uninvolved with care for their parents gripe about the money!!
My parents are nearly 90 but still live independently with a lot of help from me with meals three times a week, appts, daily meds, and housecleaning. They gift me about the same amount that you receive for doing a whole lot more than I do. If my siblings were to complain (and they won’t) I would ask my parents for more not less!!

If you don’t need the money, put it in a savings account. You never know when you will need it for his care. Unless your dad is rich, nursing homes are too expensive for most of us.

I take care of one parent and the other I was taking care of just went into full time nursing care. Your dad is getting one heck of a good deal at $1,000 per month. That is my honest and true answer. I do all the things you do and I know how much work that is along with the worry about him and the staying home more so not to leave him at home alone. Your whole life becomes about making sure is he ok, well fed, clean and comfortable. Just the thought of $300.00 per month is ridiculous!!! You are not taking advantage, you are saving him a ton of money and he gets to be with family instead of in the hands of strangers.

RN IV with with hospice, will, probate, on and on. It's as old as time. 1 sibling takes on the lion's share of the burden while the others stand on the side. I have yet to see this type of situation not front and center about the inheritance. Oh yea; the "others" claim it's not but get real...it's all about the money. Not getting into the psych issues here as this is not your problem.

What is your time worth? You cannot replace a family member who takes on the full-time job of that type of situation. Safety and security is what you provide with the everyday caregiver duties...that is priceless. BTW; you don't say where you are from but current wage for just 8 hrs of daily personal care like that is spendy.

If sister continues with her behavior I would suggest she visit the lawyer so that she gets the skinny. Let her know the charge for her visit comes out of the inheritance.

If you haven't, make up a care-plan that addresses the behavior to be observed when in the house visiting dad for a comfortable and stress free millieu. If you are not keeping a chart of daily activities, etc.. start. Nothing fancy; a notebook: date at top where you jot down (handwritten if you want) what went down during the day in a few words at the end of the day. ex: "Dad took meds in am and pm, went to bathroom 4 times today with stool x1, other sister came over blah blah." dames314 is also great advice. Also, sign and date end of each entry in dad's journal.

Make sure you have supplies if/when the physical state calls for. I will tell you writing in a journal of your own would help you too. Self authoring (diary) can keep you sane. 2 journals...1 for what goes on with dad on the daily and 1 for you for your therapy of self-authoring. The daily account of dad would be looked as a legal document to protect yourself.

Stand strong girl: your father is so lucky to have you by his side. Bless you and your father...

Brenda, not clear from your post whether you gave up your home to care for your dad in his home. If you did, room and board for you should be a separate amount from the caregiving income which reduces the amount you get paid. Maybe the $1000 seemed fair to your dad if he thought he’s also helping you out. However, now that his dementia is progressing to 24/7 care with lots of hands on care, as well as other duties of managing a household. You should list all the duties, calculate based on real providers of services what is would cost your dad to hire help for each item on the list (example: rides to Doc. appts., grocery ordering & delivery, a cook for 3 meals/day, a bookkeeper to manage bills, any house maintenance such as cleaning or yard work). This is what our attorney said is the legal and fair way to set up payment so squabbling family members have a “fact sheet” of real costs in the event you can no longer care for your dad. Trust me, the total will give your sister sticker shock without you having to be defensive or emotionally hurt.
And this does not mean you have to charge that much because maybe your dad can’t possibly afford it. Very few can.
But any amount under this amount that you and your dad agree to pay you is between you and him since it’s his money and YOU are doing the caregiving and house management.
My father is 91 and now in the final stage of dementia. He’s still at home precisely because I’ve been his caregiver/manager for 2 1/2 years. When family pushed back and decided they were too busy to help (leaving me completely alone to handle it all), I went to an attorney with someone else as the POA and told them I would be paid and we would need to hire people 24/7 for days I cannot be there. I have my own home and family to care for yet practically lived at my dad’s for the first 7 months. Had they been willing to help with his care, I would have done it for nothing. Now He pays out nearly $8,000 per month (most to caregivers I hired privately by word of mouth). It would be about twice that if we had chosen a home health agency. My dad has the income fortunately so we rarely have to access his savings. I still get complaints out of the other 5 siblings but I just pull out the fact sheet and that shuts down any argument without me having to be upset.
I’m sure your dad feels very honored and blessed to have a daughter who is willing to do for him what you are doing. Keep up your chin and your way of honoring your dad in ways no facility ever would.

That's $35 per day at $250/7 days. Or that's $1.59 per hour on a 24 hour basis.
Find out the going rate for caregivers in your area. Seems you are wearing yourself OUT. You need to re-assess your situation. See an attorney. None of this makes sense. Based on the information shared, sounds like you are being taken advantage of.

I was the trustee/executor for the estate of an elderly friend who passed in 2017. When I pulled his paperwork together to file the 1099s for his caregivers, his primary caregiver made $30,000. The other ones made other various amounts in addition. And he was alone for six to eight hours a night (I don't remember exactly). I think your sister is penny-pinching and unreasonable.

You are not getting paid ENOUGH!!

$ 1000.00 per month is nothing, And while you are taking care of him you are not building up your SS, when it is time to get SS you may not have enough points to qualify.
We are in an Assisted Living place and the cost per each of us per month is $ 7500.00, memory care is over $ 7500.00
Do see a lawyer and draw up a new contract including payment to SS, so when you will retire you will have some compensation.

One thousand a month is really cheap!.
Usually a caregiver earns 170.00 dls a day as live in.
So, been her daughter I would live it as it is.
I took care of my mother and my brother paid me 60 a week.
But I was in Mexico.
Plus all the stress, lack of sleep and other things that comes with the job... Nobody appreciate it.
So, tell your sister shutt her or do the care for him.

Not sure if it is in your home or his - but either way the living expenses should be split - lawyer should account for that in calculations.
1000 is not too much — and likely sis knows this all ready

Before I read anyone else's answers, you are absolutely deserving of the amount your father drew up, which only equates to $250 / week.

Last fall, when I went on a pre-planned vacation, my daughter who lives with us and works full-time was unable to care for my mom during the day hours, so we hired an agency aide at a cost of $25/hr for a 40-hr week. That was $1,000 for 40 hours, 1 week, not even a month.

Additionally, my Mom sounds about like your dad physically; she is 95 and forgetful. When we went to her eldercare attorney last year, the attorney suggested the same kind of contract as your dad drew up and the amount was identical to what your dad decided and you receive. We didn't do it at the time, and then all the things going on this year, I've kind of forgotten, but after reading your letter, I think we need to do this. It surely would help me as I am not working.

Tell your sister that no live-in private aide would would work for $6.25 / hour ( $250/wk divided by 40 hrs = $6.25 ), not even counting living there and being available for all the other 148 hours of the week, during the evenings and nights.

You definitely deserve it! This is not even taking into consideration, the lack of time for you to have a personal life.

I'll have to add to my previous post; I'm pretty worked up over your situation!! $1000 per month would be just enough to cover his rent and utilities to live with you. On top of that, you should be getting about $1,000.00 per week for taking care of his affairs, housekeeping, financial planning, social activities, MD appointments, cooking, laundry, and I'm sure other items that I'm not even thinking about!!
As others have mentioned, I would tell sister she's completely correct! You need to shred your current "contract" and build a completely new one. One price for Dad's room and board, then another price for your work as his caretaker. If sister doesn't like it, she can take him in and take over, or shop around for prices at 55+ communities.

BrendaBP, Allow me to say this. My dad had dementia as well. He has since passed away. Before we made a decision to place in him a facility, I offered two of my siblings all of his social security and pension which equated to roughly $4700 per month to move into his house and provide him the level of care you provide, as they both are in the home health care business. Free rent and board... Both turned me down. I commend you on what you are doing. Taking care of an elderly parent with dementia is extremely difficult. As someone has eluded to... your sister is an idiot.

NO WAY! You are a wonderful daughter to do this for your Dad. It's none of your sisters business, it's between you and Dad. Don't feel bad, you are doing the right thing. I did it for 6 years with both parents, my sister's always had something to say. ❤

BrendaBP, I have nothing unique to add to the many great responses you've already received other than to say I am sorry you are in that situation and that your sister is a jerk. I am in a very similar situation regarding my sibling who has said that I am somehow fleecing our mother for the amount she pays for round the clock care, even though it's about 25% of what it would cost for her to living in a facility near me.

$1000,00 is not nearly enough. I have an invalid spouse and know the cost for caring. $5000.000 would be the minimum for full care. Hope your sister reads this as she has not a clue about the work or toll on the caregiver.

Without knowing your age and work history, I'd say, Bust this sister out for thinking that $300 a month is enough for what you do. Does SHE still work in a job that takes out Social Security and FICA deductions? You most certainly do not, based on what you post and what you report you are doing. This is costing you in ways you do not necessarily see right now because you are dealing with the immediate situation. But it will cost you down the road. DO NOT let that happen just because your sister feels entitled to have you work at scut wages does not mean that you should. If you need help in your old age, do you think that Sis will be there? I think not.

Excuse me!! That’s $10/hr—-If your sister can get someone to do all you do; & care as much as you do—tell her to go get someone that both of you approve of!! The cheapest you can get someone to do all you do is $30-50/hr!! (In Northeast area)

I'm sure you have already done the math to figure out what your hourly wage is. If you are at his house 24/7 and handle issues throughout the day and night as needed, you're making about 1.40 an hour based on 720 hrs a month. So, did you give up employment to care for dad? Were you already living there and unemployed? Are you getting anything else in exchange for the caretaking? Free rent, food, car, gas, your bills paid? If so, maybe that is what upsets her. On the other hand, she may just be looking at the fact that dad is spending what she thought would be her inheritance. She is not going to offer to help if she already thinks you are overpaid and sister conflict from past might be part of the problem. Hard to say about that.

If she brings it up again, you might ask her if she knows of a service that would do all that you handle for dad for the $300 that she is offering. Or offer her to split the $1000 and she can come stay with dad 1/2 of the month and you the other half. When/if dad reaches a point you can no longer care for him in the home, she'll find out what facility care costs. While she may have no experience with facility care, those who observe what goes on in many facilities will find the fee for the services is way beyond the actual care patients receive.

As for the attorney, the contract and the amount - did dad know what he was doing 2 years ago? Let's just say sis is right and you wrangled a deal, unless you are getting a lot of other benefits on the side, you're still available to care for him to the tune of about $1.40 and hour. If you get extras, see what those are worth and divide by the 720 hours in a 30 day period and see what your services are worth.

Writing before reading others. Got my calculator out. EVEN if you ONLY consider working an EIGHT hour day, by my calculations you are making under $5 an hour! AND you are on call and working way more than that.

Oh, I would see an attorney alright. A certified elder law attorney and get that caregiver agreement re-written ASAP for a higher amount WAY higher, and get some guidance on your own tax situation to make sure your own income taxes and social security are tended to as needed. Some people with dementia are still capable of knowing enough in the moment to be able to sign a document with an attorney assuring of that and having a witness present. They can educate your father in the moment of what the going rate is, which is typically no less than $20/hr. EVEN with an 8 hour day/7 days a week that is already over $1K PER WEEK.
YOU ARE NOT BEING OVERPAID. HE IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

And I'd tell that sister of yours SHE can take over and take care of Dad for $75 A WEEK 24/7. What planet was she born on??

Absolutely NO! Lol. Break it way down for her. 1000 x 12= 12000 yr. 12000/52 wk = 230.769 wk. 230.769/7 day = 32.967. 32.967/24 hr = 1.374.
Then tell her you would gladly split care and money with her two weeks on two weeks off. Bet she'd change her tune when she realized it's not easy.

Your dad is getting a BARGAIN. Your sister is an IDIOT, possibly a greedy idiot. If she keeps agitating over your pay, I would talk to your lawyer again about possible ways to either handle her if she starts threatening legal action against you. Let her know you're talking to the lawyer about it. Cut off communication with her (allow her communication with your father if they want to talk). You are a good person. Don't waste your time on people who only tear your down.

No, he is not paying you too much. In fact, he may not be paying you enough. I would contact several agencies to find out their hourly rate, bearing in mind that the agency keeps a portion of the hourly rate for administrative services. In my area, aides make between $9.00 and $15.00 an hour based 9n experience. $15.00 is on the extreme high end.

We paid a caregiver over $1000. It would cost us close to $10,000 for 24 hour care per month. We put her in a beautiful memory care facility for a lot less. $8000.
Dont listen to people including relatives who do nothing to help. $1000. Is cheap!
Be sure to take time for yourself. I’ve been where you are.

A 12.000 yearly salary? Are they kidding you?
Tell your sister you are glad to have her take over the job any day so you can get a real job; anyone else you do this live in work for would double your salary in a second.

That is not even minimum wage. Even if you include free room and board. If you paid the average sitter $20 per hr private sitter - figure how much it would be. Sister is seeing "her" inheritance going away. Too bad. Like so many who do nothing - they will be first in line when Dad passes. Offer to split care with her - 2 weeks she has to stay 24 hours a day and other 2 weeks you will. It will never happen. Dad knew what she was about so made contract while still able. Bravo to him. As for her and the other do nothings - either step up and share in the caregiving 50 - 50 or sit down and shut up. It would cost a lot more if sitters were hired. Your sister is doing too much for the little bit she is being paid.

without reading the replies - I would tell her to find someone who will do all that for $300 a month and do it with love and a good job. Frankly all of us would love to find someone for $1000 a month. I'm certain she wouldn't touch doing it for $2000 a month,

No. He is not paying you to much.
That is $250. A week.
That is nothing.
Im glad you get something.
My mom lives with me and my husband. We get nothing.
No rent. No bills helped with.
She has money.
Im afraid to ask for financial help.
I have 6 brothers and sisters.
Im sure if I was to get any money they would have a problem with it except for 1 or 2 of them.
I take care of mother because I want to but it would be nice to have a little help.
If you went to a nursing home as a job . You would get paid a lot more than $250. A week.
Its a 27/7 job when it come to taking care of a parent at home.
People who take care of their parents ,and do a great job, are exceptional people.
Keep up the good work.