My dad pays me $1000.00 a month for his full time care. Is he paying me too much?

24/7 care from an agency can cost upwards of $220,000 a year! So no, you're definitely not getting paid too much! I agree you should get a quote for a home health care agency for 24 hour care and show it to your sister.

I took care of my mother with dementia, and a bad temper, who sounds like your situation. You spend pretty much every waking hour either worrying or doing something to make sure they have quality of life. No caregiver I hired lasted more than 2 weeks. No, no, no you are not being paid too much. You have a good heart. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I'm gathering this is in dollars. I get paid £2816 uk (3573 dollars?) a month and my husband and I look after both parents. We do absolutely everything for them and we're often up all night with my mum who is bedbound. My Dad has alzhiemers and we have to watch him like a hawk. I don't think you're getting enough.. You've given up your life.. Its a selfless act. I've got 4 other siblings and not one of them was willing to do what my husband and I have done.. Left our own home which remains empty to look after and care for the needs of my parents. My husband is a gem and my mum adores him. Hold your head up high.. You're loving and caring and you've shown your sibling up. Much love to you xx

Let her try for week long term care is 5000-8000 per month

1. Offer to let her come stay for one month and get the money for that month, do all you do and see if after that she thinks it is enough.
2. Tell her to research the cost of finding someone to come to his home and do this.
3. Ignore her.

Since your sister does nothing to help, then it's none of her business how much he pays you. Tell her to stuff it and that it's between you and your dad how much he pays you, not her. You may need to cut her off and don't take calls or talk to her unless she starts leaving you alone about it.

Your father is generous and she cannot control what he wants to pay. Down the line, he will most definitely need more care and the money will be commensurate. Shame on your sister for not helping. Just ignore her and don't even entertain what she is saying. You are doung a great job for your father and he appreciates it.

It seems to me she's worried about what you're getting paid is going to cut into her inheritance. For everything you do, all you're getting is $250/wk basically; and that's for 24/7 care. If she thinks that's TOO much just let her know in a polite manner that she has no concept of how much is involved and if she would like an extra $300/mo that she can come down and try to take care of him 24/7 for the entire month or she can keep her comments to herself. Sorry if it seems I came across bitter but most people; including family members; really don't know everything that's involved and that includes when they start telling you that you don't care about them or start getting violent.

Just me, I did it for free for 2 years, gave up my life & career. Don't get me wrong, not bitter about that at all. But when he does pass away, you're going to find out how petty the rest of some of the beneficiaries can get/are. We paid $ 20/hour for 24 hour care during hospice. That's an external service for $ 480/day and they did less than I did. Paid to a company that took that fee and paid out their shift staff. Healthcare isn't really affordable. Dad wasn't eating solid food, so his meals were Ensure protein shakes. During the 2 years, I did pretty much what you did. Took care of the house, indoors & outdoors, took him to Dr appointments, took care of the elderly dog too. $ 480/day x 365 is $ 175K a year. So understand what you're providing for the family of beneficiaries, because they sure as heck don't wanna pay a 3rd party to get that job done, they won't do it either. Society & your own family has a way of making you do the unpleasant for little or no compensation. I'd have to be a fool to not see that at every point in the recruiting process that the things that needed to steer me into that duty & responsibility wasn't coincidental. And when they're done with you, you have to restart your life. And that's whole different level of hell, depending upon how old your are. I bet they're worried about the terms of the arrangement, that you even have a spare bedroom to stay in and a bed to sleep in. You know, when the end draws nearer, it's not pretty and then there may even be accusations of elderly abuse & neglect. FCOL, Dad was 97 years old at that point. Who would do that ? Even imply that when you've basically given up your adult life elsewhere to watch a loved one, even any human being expire. This world is what it is, a pretty lousy place with quite a few a**holes in it.

I am an LPN. When my Mom moved in with me I went to a lawyer specializing in elder care and had a legal document drawn up for tax purposes, etc. She agreed with this. Even though I DID take care of her 24/7 and retired early to do so, we came up with an agreement. I didn't want to over charge her and yes, even felt guilty for taking money. I based my pay on the average $15 an hour for 8 hours a day. Then that amount times 7 days per week...i.e...$840 per week. Luckily my two brothers also agreed with this scenario. Have your sister look into private home nursing care or a long term care facility. Better yet, have her pay for it....grin. Best of luck to you.

$1,000 a month to work 7 days a week. It’s a bargain! Your sister is selfish and clueless. Tell her to find someone else and she will make a few calls and shut her mouth. Just a few hours of part-time care a week is more.

Your dad must have known what crap your sister was going to start. I hope he has other affairs lined up with his attorney.

Your sister is selfish and jealous but yet sits home on her hands. He is being more than fair. My own sister used to only get a hundred a month but didn't do as much as you do. It is fair....

$1000 seems more than reasonable. I would encourage you to take your contract and your situation of payment for your work to a Medicaid attorney, so you are clear on what is allowable should dad ever need Medicaid for long term care (nursing home). Not an elder care attorney, but a Medicaid attorney -- just to be clear.

It’s sad for your sister to feel that way. Your father will end up paying more if he uses an agency to provide half of the care he got from you. We pay $1100/month for someone to come in just to be with our 86 years old mom 5hrs/day and 5 days/week. Taking care of elder is More then a full time job and if I were you I would not even pay attention to her. If she still have an issue with that then have her contact your father’s lawyer herself. Your sister should be thankful that her father received a good care from his own family member. Keep up with providing a good to your dad and you will get great blessing from it🤗

My sisters and brother don’t even visit my mother. I don’t get any compensation and hired an outside caregiver to help 8 hours a day so I can run errands and get a short nap before my shift starts again. My siblings rarely even call my mother and have accused me of taking my mother’s money and spending it on myself so I went to an attorney to see where I stand. The attorney suggested mediation because 2 of the worst accusers would not comply with anything. I wonder who will take care of her if I was in the hospital and they had to pay the monthly expenses??

I feel like this is really the minimum for all that you do. Services charge families $26/hour where I live. You’re helping your dad save money and you’re doing this work w love and care. He’s lucky to have you. And so is your sister - because you are helping conserve the family’s assets.

Brenda, it sounds to me like you aren’t even interested in the amount of money he’s paying you, which shows what kind of daughter you are. Your dad is lucky to have you.
I don’t think you’ll ask for more, which you’re certainly entitled to- but your sisters selfish bullying has got to stop. Send her a message, explaining that you’re giving her one last shot to be supportive with your dad’s decision to pay you. Anything less than “thank you so much for taking care of our dad” - or you’re blocking her. She can come visit your dad, but you are entitled to cut this negativity out of your life.
Good luck with everything. When it’s all said and done, you can go to sleep at night with a clear conscience. Your sister, well, let’s hope she snaps out of it.

$1,000 is cheap! Price out assisted living and you will see. Your sister is just afraid that there will not be any inheritance for her at the end. If you had in-home care, you would easily pay $1,000 a week. Do a little math, then discuss it with her or send her a letter. What would she do if you were not available to help? There always has to be a Plan B. Eldercare is very difficult to understand until you are in the middle of it. Your sister needs to get educated because the dementia is likely to get worse requiring more resources and she needs to be prepared in case her care falls to her. She will stop bothering you about the money once she starts to understand. If she refuses, as many family members do, then you just have to remind yourself that she has no right to complain. Let it roll off your back. You have important work to do taking care of Dad.

$1000 is NOT enough at all. You should be getting paid more if he has the funds.

See a lawyer yourself. Are you his POA and Proxy? If you are you don’t have to volunteer information to no one.

Tell your inconsiderate sister to take care of her Dad full time or
hire full time caregivers around the clock, that’s 24/7 of paying for outside help for someone with Dementia bc he can’t be left alone, see if it comes out to $1000 a month OR more like $4000 a month.

She should keep her mouth shut when she doesn’t know what it entails.

Good luck with all that.

Stay safe & healthy.

As mentioned from others, your sister is in the dark about what care costs. Agency care goes usually averages $22/hour. Doing that math 24/7 is $528/day, $16,000/month. Even if you used them 10 hours a day and you slept over, that would be $220 per day, about $6,700 per month. So she's right to have a problem with $1,000/month as it way too low.

Even if you found a private caregiver, it's on average $15/day. It's lower since they don't have to share the wage with the care agency. However doing the math it's still, at just 10 hours a day, $4,500 per month. And you'd still have to be there the other 14 hours.

Care is one of our biggest financial issues in our country. You're a gem for being with your dad in the first place, and especially for that small sum.

As mentioned, call some home care places and get a quote emailed to you and send to your sister. That should cool things off.

How many 24-hour a day jobs do you know of that pay a whopping $12,000 a year? Let's say this amounts to about 80 hours of work per week. And we know it probably does. At $1,000 per month you are making about $2.50 per hour, less than minimum wage. Your sister would like you to be paid $.75 per hour. Take a vacation, leave her in charge, and ask for more money.

Average out what you are making per hour....trust me, it's not too much.  Your sister needs to put up or shut up.  If you were paying an outside agency or placed him in a facility, it would be 6 to 10 times that amount.

It's funny how those who don't help have lots of opinions on the matter....  Tell your sister she can do it all for $300 a month. :-)

I am a part time caregiver. I work 30 hours a week.
I make 3,000.00 a month.
You are UNDERPAID

I took care of my mom until Cov-19. I was there almost every night with her, helping to fill in the gaps at her assisted living facility. Since the quarantines, I've been unable to see her. Its costs me 2100 a week for just 12 hours a day care. Don't worry about 1000.00. That's not very much.

Actually, you are not being paid enough!
I had to get 24 7 Care for my 96 yr old Dad do he could continue living in his own home and it took me a super long time to find someone to do this for $512 per week using a few Caregivers.. most Caregivers want a minimum of $12 an hr up to $25. I'm paying $9 but $12 on Holidays.

Whole I was looking, I did find another lady that would do Live In for $500 a week but I would have to furnish her food, own bedroom and bathroom and she would be able to take one 24 hr day off per month.

You should offer the job to your sister and see how fast she runs from it.

When your sister brings this up again, ask her to research other options for 24/7 care and then you will be happy to discuss those options with her. She will quickly find out that ALL other options are a lot more expensive. I would then ask her if she is willing to take it over - for $300/month.

HI Brenda,

My 87 y/o father, who has dementia, lives with me, and I do everything for him too. I can assure you that $1,000 per month is not too much! If anything, it's not enough! I would tell your sister to go ahead and keep him for a month, and then decide if it's worth it. Tell her to look at prices at Memory Care facilities! They run anywhere from 4-6k per month! This is not an easy job, and it will get worse with time. It is very stressful too. I'm sure you could get an easier part time job for that amount. $1k per month is 12k per year. Who can even live on that? People who have not been in your position have no idea how difficult it is! It is a 24/7 job!

Do not pay any attention to that sister of yours, is she helping to look after your dad??? I look after my elderly mam and she pays me €150 each week. I buy her the best of food, sweets, ice cream etc. Make all her meals, wash her clothing, bring her for all her hospital appointments, doctors, hairdressers etc while my other sisters all live away and yet their is still jealousy from them. I love my mam and didnt want her to go n to a home as she got very sick last year and needs around the clock attention so I gave up my job. The cheek of some families. One of my sisters said to me you took mam in to Your home so you can take the consaquences now until she dies, what a horrible thing to say. And you know the worse part is , I have a brother who has his own apartment but is staying in my mams home as he said to her he feels better there. I pay the Electric bill and Gas bill and bins out of mams pension and he does not lift a finger to do anything for her. It really annoys me that when any of them call my mam is all happy and chatting away to them and yet they never send her as much as a birthday or Mother's Day card. My mam left the house to be diveded between the family and you know it's like a rock around my neck. So you don't give a toss about that sister as she will stress you out and make you I'll. Try have as little contact with her as possible as she is only interested in the money and not your dad or you.

Memory care assisted living in Northwest Iowa, where my Mom lives, is $6,000 per month. This is the low end of the cost spectrum because the cost of living is much less than other parts of the country. I think your sister needs to wake up, then step up. Unfortunately, it seems that too many families are made up of those who "do" and those who stand on the sidelines and criticize. Ideally, some family counseling/mediation would be helpful for all, and likely available through Area on Aging or other senior services. If you wish to pursue this and your sister refuses (what are the odds?!?!), it may be helpful for you to seek this help for your own sanity.

Agree with the rest! Glad you have the contract - definetly not enough. Even if you hired outside help whether thru an agency or not, it would still be MORE than that a month. You're fine. Tell her to chill. I'd be happy to give her my greedy siblings number and they can bit** about it together.