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My dad, after heart issues and diagnosed with dementia, he is only 73 years old, moves to a long term home tomorrow. He has been in hospital 5 months waiting for a bed. I did try to take care of him a few times, it was too difficult for me alone. Because of Covid I can not meet him there or set his room up. I just can’t take the heart break I am feeling for he and myself thinking of him. Drs. thought it best not to mention the move until morning. I’ve done research etc. and during covid feel lucky to find a place for him close to my home and his grandaughters. How will I know he is ok??? He has been everyone’s favorite and can do most things on his own. But needs 24/7 medication and meal preparation as well as needing a secure unit due to wanting to go home and wander. Any advice? After 14 days we can visit through glass.. but that doesn’t seem enough THANK YOU

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Some of this has been touched upon, but it bears repeating along with additional suggestions. Some of this, of course, will be difficult or impractical during the present COVID situation. When my mother was in a nursing home, I made a point of getting to know the staff, and greeting them by name when I saw them. When I visited and one of them brought us anything or helped in any way, I thanked her (or him). It helped that my mother was easy to get along with, and some of the aides would even gave her a hug when they came in. If we needed something, I asked in a friendly manner, and unless it was something needed urgently, I would preface it by "when you have a moment" or perhaps offer to get it from their station if that was a possibility (it also gave me an excuse to get a break and move around). If there was a problem, I didn't assume the first staff member I saw was the cause of it or could solve it, but if otherwise, I didn't "attack" the person without having a discussion to get all the facts. In short, the better the staff knows you, and the more they know you appreciate them and are doing your best to make their jobs as pleasant as possible for them, the more "dividends" it will pay in the care your LO receives. If a place turns out to be bad, then by all means look for another place, but in any case it's important to avoid going in "with a chip on your shoulder".
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Reply to jacobsonbob
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geddyupgo Jan 27, 2021
You are the family member staff loves to see. I adopted the same pattern when my Mom was in LTC and she got lots of attention and good care before she eventually passed.
I must have made quite an impression on staff because about 18 mos later I got a call from the Admin stating that they had just developed a new job position and his staff suggested that I would be perfect for it! Took the job and had a blast with it - Resident Advocate - for 6 years until I retired.
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I can only imagine that your dad will be SOOOO happy to be out of the hospital!

Call him each day at a set time. Send him funny cards, drawings that the grands have made.

Covid has made these sorts of tough decisions even harder than they were before. ((((((((Hugs))))))))
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Imho, you've done the right thing by placing your dad in the long term care home. Please do not hold onto regrets. Prayers sent.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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It would be ok to be heartbroken if your father had died. To be heartbroken that your father is alive and moving into comfortable surroundings in long term care is unwarranted, my friend. Chin up. Think of things differently here, with a positive attitude knowing he'll be cared for by a team of people, given his medication properly, fed 3 hot meals a day & snacks, have activities to amuse him and other people his age to canoodle with. It's a win-win situation.

Set up some facetime meetings and the window visits are a lot better than you THINK they are. My mother lives in Memory Care and we go over for a window visit every Sunday & it's FINE. She's sitting not 2 feet away from us & we're showing her photos of the great grandkids on our phones. I also bring her treats & snacks, new tops & necklaces, etc., and just brought her a bottle of Versace perfume for her 94th birthday.

It's all enough, what you're doing, so be happy he's alive and living in a safe environment. Ditch the guilt and the sorrow and find joy in the fact that you KNOW your dad will be well cared for moving forward and OUT of the hospital!

Good luck!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you. I understand that would be difficult to care for him on your own, so please know you’ve made the right decision for you and him. This darn Covid is making everything so much more difficult.

Are you able to send him a care package? Notes and pictures (maybe a photo album) and cozy socks and a blanket or a relaxing ,color changing bedside light. Could he have an iPad (with a kid safety cover) where you could FaceTime?

Im sorry you’re going through this. Please update when you can. Huge hugs to you!!!
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Reply to Sarahk60
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Bless your heart. I had to place my dad in assisted living with COvid restrictions. He looked back at me like a worried little boy on the first day of kindergarten. However, the socialization from the staff was so good for him. He enjoyed them and they were very sweet to him. I could not handle him alone, either. Ask God for wisdom, clarity and insight. I had to remind myself that my dad was “safER” himself and to others he could have injured while driving and not making safe decisions. This is a great forum for support and insight. Everything will be okay. Warmly, Sunny
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Reply to Sunnydayze
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please know you’re still a caregiver, now one with a bit different role. Even though covid undeniably makes all this so much harder, there are still ways to watch over his care and make him know he’s loved and cared about. Try to make “friends” with the staff that will be working with him, get to know their names and ask them about their lives. It’s a help in finding out more about how dad is doing. Your kindness to them will often result in kindness to your dad. Send in items from his home that will make him feel welcome and more familiar. Call him regularly and keep the conversation light and positive. I wish you both well
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I don’t know if this is allowed at your dad’s facility but a friend of mine placed her mom awhile back in a nursing home.

She became friendly with the staff and asked if she could FaceTime with her mom everyday.

They agreed. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a nurse or social worker.

My friend said that the activity director has more time to volunteer for her request to help her mom FaceTime.

The nurses are swamped with work and won’t have time.

Best wishes to you and your family.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Charlene, consider all the positives. Your father will be close to family, his meds will be administered properly, he will get meals and be safe. You’d be surprised at how his belongings will be put away in some order. Soon you’ll be able to go in and better organize and spend quality time with him. Instead of being a tired, irritable caregiver you can be the caring, attentive daughter.
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Reply to Susanonlyone
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Charlene, how did the transfer go?
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