My dad is in a nursing home instead of living his dream retirement. How do I deal with the guilt?

Surely I’m not the only one feeling guilty that I had to put my Dad in a long-term facility because he just can’t take care of himself anymore. He still has his mind for the most part but he doesn’t make great decisions hence the need to put him in a facility. He also is not physically able to walk far, make his on food, take his insulin shot/medicine etc. I know he is sad that he is not living out his retirement dreams of living at the beach and fishing on the pier everyday.

But he has made bad choices over his life such as not saving money for retirement and not taking care of his body due to a lot of drinking alcohol and chewing tobacco most of his life. To be honest, he is lucky I am even speaking to him with how much pain he caused my Mom and I over the years.

Mom passed away 13 years ago. We were very close and I always thought Dad would pass first and Mom and I would be able to have all kinds of girl time. Instead, I’m an only child and taking care of the man that wasn’t the father I needed. He tried, but alcohol was his choice to ease the pain of his tiny, mean mother that controled him his entire life with shame, guilt, and verbal abuse.

Thank goodness I broke the chain of that type of emotional abuse with my daughter. So, I have a love/hate relationship with my Dad. I’ve cleaned up so many messes he has made because of alcohol abuse, hoarding in apartments that caused bugs infestations, etc. but, then I feel guilty that I have a much better life than he had and maybe me asking them to help put me through college put them in financial trouble years ago. I’m 58 and he is 78. I’m still dealing with these emotional bags!

At least he is being taken care of in the nursing home and I don’t have to be constantly being his 24 hour on call caregiver, doctor appointments driver, grocery shopper, financial representative now.

When does this weird guilt subside?