My dad is 87. He lives alone in a retirement complex, not assisted living. He is still able to care for himself, but has a caregiver come in a few days a week for a couple of hours to run errands for him, or just to keep him company. My two sisters and I check in on him very frequently and take him to any doctor appointments he has.
My dad has had a severe hearing loss from childhood and is a lip reader, he is now losing his vision. He says it looks like he is viewing through a thin piece of wax paper. This, of course, makes lip reading difficult. There is nothing that can be done to improve either the hearing or vision. I have no idea how we will be able to communicate with him if he completely loses his vision. He is completely deaf in one ear, and has limited hearing in the other ear.
He doesn't want to be here anymore. He is not suicidal, but says every day he wakes up, he asks "why"? His biggest joy was reading, but he cannot do that anymore. Well, he can for about 15 minutes, then his eyes get fuzzy and he has to stop. We have gone to a low vision specialist, but the aids that are offered to help him he says he is too old to learn how to use (stubborn). I have tried to get him interested in hobbies.....brought him painting sets, little building kits, etc.... they are still in the boxes. He sleeps a lot (because he says there is nothing to do), and is often laying on the couch when we stop to check in.
He has a doctor appointment next week.....I am going to call the doctor ahead of time and relay all of this to him. I think my dad is slightly depressed. I would be too!
I have tossed in my head on asking him to move in with me - but, I'm not sure that's the best answer, or if it even is an answer. My husband and I do work, so my dad would still be here alone at times. We are recent empty nesters, and some of the posts I read here make me think it may not be the best idea for me to take on a caregiver type role when he is still able to be living on his own. I just feel terrible that he is sooooo terribly bored because he can't see well enough to do anything. ( The caregiver that sees him now says she does feel he is safe in his apartment. )
Any suggestions anyone can provide? I'm not really sure what I am asking for - or what suggestions there could be - but, I just hate seeing him so frustrated all the time with his hearing/vision issues. He cannot go for walks due to his inability to see contrast between curbs/steps/etc....
He does not have to be completely blind. It's for low vision, too.
The web page will explain how easy it is to set up. There's a form to get signed by his Doctor which will allow him to receive for free - a Digital Book Reader that is very easy to use, and as many Digital Books as he can read. It's never ending, and they send them to his address at no charge, and the Post Office sends them back at no charge. They have bestsellers, novels, fiction, magazines, science fiction, etc. My Mom has used this service for years and years.
Also, check and see if there are any State sponsored classes for your Dad to attend. My Mom went to a school for the blind and they even sent a free bus to pick her up. All was free, and they trained her how to hold money, how to cook, do laundry, etc. (Years ago, now she's bed-bound, but she still receives the books.)
I also was going to make the same suggestion that BarbBrooklyn made about the cochlear implant. If he would be a candidate for that it might improve his outlook tremendously.
i wish you a wonderful, wonderful birthday on tuesday!!! :) :) :)
88 is really special!!
in japanese culture, these double digits are important
(77 years old...88 years old)
...more than 70, 80...(more western culture)
i wish for all your bday wishes to come true!! :)
and i hope you have a great celebration!!!
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i wish you a long and happy life.
for sure, it's not easy getting older.
i wish us all, and our LOs, a long and happy life.
hugs!!
bundle of joy :)
I did some work with a blind sporting group, mostly young runners who had a (slightly better runner) who picked the path and had a cord back to the legally blind mate following them. It was highly competitive! Seeing eye dogs got left behind. I visited one of them at home (the guy, not the dog), and he was at his computer. It had a really big TV-type screen, with letters about three inches high, and he could cope with reading and typing. Our local Royal Society for the Blind has a show room with every gadget they have found, and staff who help people to try them out. That might be worth a trip somewhere, if there is nowhere local like that.
Best wishes to you and your father, Margaret
For his hearing loss, is he a candidate for a cochlear implant?
Good luck.
Instead, see if he will do some of the things suggested. Go to the senior center or wherever they serve meals. At least he will get out of the house. Staying home alone is depressing and so is his loss of sight and hearing so getting out could really be helpful.
There must be somethings that he can still do. I have no experience in this department. Have you researched sight and hearing loss suggestions? Could he get a seeing eye dog? A great companion and a helper as well.
Schedule a weekly massage for him. Someone to come take him for a walk so he can, again, get out of the house. And fresh air and sunshine are always good too.
Good luck getting him some stimulation. If he won't cooperate with anything, maybe a move to a nursing home might be his next step. At least he won't be alone and maybe they can help him with appropriate activities of some sort.
His hospital replaced the lens in one eye. That definitely made it worse
dont let them do that to your Dad
in fact the less he has to do with doctors the better off he will be
Google up “dr Christopher legacy....vision loss”
i got my Grandpa the eye wash liquid & the 2 bottles of herbal supplements for the eyes. “Herbal eye” plus one other. Bilbury I think it’s called
you will find all the information on the page I wrote above
The products are relatively inexpensive, have no side effects & won’t interfere with medications
My Grandpas vision has improved a lot he say (it’s been 3 months of use now)
Last trip to the eye dr confirmed the improvement ...with science lol!
Just be aware that the eye wash is used with 1 drop added to distilled water
Slowly build up to 5 drops in the eyeglass over a few weeks
Distilled Water
very Important to have him drink & cook with only Distilled water
consider reading the booklet “The Choice is Clear” by Dr C Banik on the water situation
The above will restore your fathers vision if he is motivated & consistent
Let me know how he gets on
i work in Medicine & it is my experience that “ When you want to understand better look deeper into Nature “
Albert Einstein
i
My mother is in the same position except she can still see and hasn't been deaf all her life; it's vertigo, refusal to do any form of exercise and join in with activities or use any technological aids and now accelerating dementia that are her problems. She is clearly bored and miserable (she never has been a very happy person) and can't see any point to her life. As we have always had a difficult relationship and I find being responsible for her life a real strain (I'm on anti-anxiety medication now), I too (like her) find myself wishing she would just pass away in her sleep one night, as my grandmother did. I'm not proud of that, but the thought of her having to relocate to a care home (my brother and I couldn't have her living with us) and not being happy there either is also very sad. My mum's physical health is quite good for 87, so I do fear for her future as I really don't know how to help her. We have tried everything we can think of except having her live with us, but she always said she wouldn't want that and I know it would probably have me in a psychiatric unit (with my marriage destroyed), so it's not really an option.
Sorry I can't be more positive; I just wanted to say you are not alone and in my view all we can do is the best of which we are capable at any given moment to make their life a little less grim.
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