My dad has dementia. Any advice?

As far as the uninsured car, as soon as dad gets behind the wheel, contact the police ASAP. Explain he has dementia, shouldn’t be driving and the car is uninsured. It will help greatly if you can tell them where he’s headed. They will probably send an officer out to look for him. If they find him and conduct a traffic stop, they might tow the car if it’s uninsured (will depend on state law). With any luck they will also notice he’s cognitive state isn’t what it should be and notify the DMV.

Wow. So, when you (and who else?) go to visit, why can't you go in the house? If she is in bed, your dad won't let you in? Not to be mean or aggressive, but can you kind of bluster your way in, gently push past him or something without it turning ugly?

How old is she? How long have they been married? Does she also have dementia?

Has your dad been going to the doctor? If so, can you talk to the doc and maybe have his office call to schedule an appt?

If you can't gain access to the house, without being aggressive which you should not do, can you call the local PD for a wellness check for both of them?

Does he answer the phone?

Sure sounds frustrating and concerning.

I agree with other posts. Call for a wellness check if you can’t gain access into the house. Go with your gut and protect your Dad. Good luck.

I might contact the county's Adult Protective Services and report your concerns. He needs to be protected. I might also consult with an attorney to get advice on options.

Call Adult Protective Services and/or the police to investigate. One of these departments can get back to you and also get him into emergency care places.

How do you know how many cats there are? When was the last time you were in the house?
You might have luck by calling the animal control (ASPCA). Sometimes they can take action if the animals aren’t being taken care of properly.
I would research this thoroughly. You wouldn’t want to cause your dad more stress. You would need a back up plan for him and step mom. But the animal control might be a way to get someone in the house and they may be able to expedite APS depending on what they find.

Does she have children? If so have you contacted them?

Let us know how you handle this. There are others in your situation who can benefit from the information. Good luck.

You can call their local police to do a well-check. This is pretty much what Adult Protective Services will do. But they check for physical well-being and not things like driving without insurance . They will report back to APS but they won’t do anything unless they see obvious signs of abuse or neglect. Smelling like cat pee isn’t a sign of abuse, just too many cats and maybe dirty litter boxes.

Sometimes you just need to put your foot down. Respectfully of course, but still...

It's time to call adult protective services so they can go in to see what's going on. Give them all the info you have and let them go inside.

It's very possible he is telling you she's in bed so you don't go in and see a huge mess - especially if there are 8 indoor cats. He might be embarrassed and she might, too. On the other hand, you say he has dementia, so you cannot be certain of what is really going on if you cannot go inside. Adult protective can get a better idea and determine if a payee needs to be put on his income (and hers too). They may be able to send info to his doctor as to his ability to continue driving to start the process of removing his license. (That's another thought, too - he may not have remembered to renew his license and that is the reason he no longer has insurance).

If you can get access to his car, you can put a Zubee device in it. It plugs in to the diagnostic port. You will be alerted when he goes out, see where he is. It will tell you his speed, if he’s doing hard breaking, etc.

Time to tell their physician what is going on. If he has no insurance on his auto, time to remove the car keys. With so many cats, that IS a BIG trip hazard. Something must be done! No wonder that they won't let you in the house. Think of the odor.