My dad is in the last stages of Alzheimer's. At this point I'm lost and scared. What do I do?

hope all works out please let us know what happens and what your decision ended up being, I am concerned, and am here alot to ask questions or talk!!!!

Isabel...of course medication is not FirST course, but betcha they'll give him a nice Ativan IV just so they have something to work with that won't punch them out. Many time, I wished for an Amazon tribe blowdart that would last for just ten minutes so a procedure could be done on Mom without her totally freaking. when Mom was combative in the hospital (doctors running over with their pokes and "does this hurt here?" they got a sharp elbow and screaming before they could ask, "well how about HERE?" For that she got Rx'd Seroquel and suffered outrageous side effects (for which I would have given her MORE of it to stop her acting out.) Then she got Rx'd Ativan. Now I got her off everything and she's "fine." ?? Fraid that cycle is all too common.

Before caring for Mom, I spent time on an island that had TWO active bipolar seniors running amok. I mean, the woman went from Church Lady Choir Director to Queen of the Sluts...and if we hassled her too much, she ran away to Skid Row in Seattle. The only thing near the experience (I was part of the "team" to try to protect her and warn she was behind the wheel...or escaped on the ferry...or clean up her shit covered house)...was a cartoon movie from years ago that had a Toon Town in it. Bob Hoskins starred. He'd drop down into Toon Town, and that was what it was like working with this woman. (Who when she was stable was the most fascinating, enlightened and artistically musical woman.). I often dreamt of painting a dark hole tunnel on the side of a building and having her run into it, like in a Road Runner Cartoon.

I forgot what the point was. Some things make better stories later. Anyway, the 51/50 thing was that she had to be a danger to herself or others, so the sheriff dudes and dudettes were always on the lookout for her throwing something or driving drunk. Living in a house ankle deep in shit didn't qualify in their book...though it would in mine.

AlzCaregiver, medication is not a first course of treatment. brokinhearted situation seems to suggest to me that facilities have reasonably attempted other ways of managing and re-directing her Dad's behavior to no avail. If all such attempts have failed and they're the professionals in care, then they have a responsibility to ensure that his medications are appropriately managing his symptoms. At 210 pounds and more than 6-feet tall, recurring combative behaviors and end-stage Alzheimer's need to be medically treated. I fully agree with you that everything else needs to be ruled out first. Nursing homes are in the business of patient and public safety. brokinheart sounds reasonably scared to me. Her Dad's physical assault on her son is not a normal behavior. His behavior is beyond her caregiver's ability to manage and control.

The facility specializing in hard to handle dementia cases is Lakeview Ranch in MN. Bob at Alz Reading Room just wrote about it again.
Good luck.
I wish there was a facility especially for diagnosing Alz patients...a whole workup, trying diet and different things, in a "camp" setting, not looking like hospital. Also checking for every small health problem that would drive a dementia patient crazy. You wouldn't believe the insane behavior Mom had from simple sinus congestion. Couldn't hear, ear ache, sinus pressure, post nasal drip, coughing, sore throat....and dentures loose. Her whole head was coming apart at the seems. Luckily, when she lost her hearing, I put the whole picture together and got the congestion handled. Even that was hard as she wasn't in the mood. She could have been easily institutionalized by ME as being too combative to handle. I can't believe the difference. Wonder if they had bunions? or acid reflux? or flea bites? or their knuckles spiked with pain from arthritis and they lashed out if someone touched their hands. Medicate EM!!

Everyone, look out for this sort of thing. One thing that drove mom crazy was that her Depends were cutting into her legs, so she'd be pulling them off. MEDICATE HER!! Wow, there have been a half dozen other problems that drove her crazy so much that they drove me to the end of my ropes. Luckily, i kept at it til I found the underlying causes.

I wholeheartedly agree with all who have said your Dad needs to be institutionalized for his own safety and the safety of others. Also let them know that if all else fails in re-directing and safely managing his erratic behaviors, it is their responsibility to medicate him to a level where he will not harm others or himself. They either know, or should knwo that much. No wonder you are scared. Someone is asleep at the wheel, and it isn't you, or your poor Dad, who needs decisive and prompt medical intervention in an appropirtae institution. Be sure to let his doctor know that his behaviors are out of control and in need of medical prescriptive treatment. Good gosh. I feel for you, brokinhearted. I would be beside myself if I faced similar circumstances, and the medical and nursing team would hear a lot from me until they managed to better control the behaviors with medication. Don't be afraid to speak up and tell them where you think they need to be more strategic in your Dad's care. Good Lord. Hang in there, ok?

he might have frontal temporal dementia, which has more violent and unpredictable behavior problems. Look up the phrase on google and look also on YouTube for various videos about it.

There is a facility in the NW that specializes in hard to handle dementia cases with as little medication as possible. Of course, for the time being, medicating might be a solution. If he acts out again, call the police again and have him 51/50'd (danger to oneself or others) for a 2-3 day observation. Get your local dept of aging involved, perhaps. Looks like you have your hands full.

There is this veil of "oh, it's really dementia" stuff that goes on when these folks act out, so it can be excused somehow. I personally don't care about the cause. If they are violently insane, then so be it; get them institutionalized and see if it can be controlled in a medical setting. If it is Alzheimer's there will be many stages to the disease and he may settle down, or be so drugged as to be a zombie.

dearest please commit him to another long term institution, right away, for his own safety and your families!!! I am 45 and very ill too, not to mention panick attacks!!! Its scary, I know, but hes not in touch with the tower at all anyway!!! u can still visit him as much as u want to, but please dont put your family or yourself in danger,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,alzheimers patients I know can be extremely violent and ritualistic..............do the right thing for you, him and your family, if u have to call Department of Children and Families or DCF, do it, they will help u with the transition FAST. Please dont wait til its too late and someone gets hurt!!! GOD BLESS U

FRIEND IS RIGHT YOU NEED TO HAVE HIM COMMITED YOU CANT PUT ANYONE IN HARMS WAY WITH YOU R FATHER

You can't risk your sons life! Someone being abusive/dangerous is common critieria for a mental institution, and he may need to be admitted there. Call and find out what the criteria are. You may find out how to make your father a "ward of the state." So, while giving up a little control on where he is cared for, you are also no longer responsible for him and his dangerous behaviors. You could be sued or worse should he harm someone who is called in to help you or a neighbor...etc. You are responsible until you make him a ward of the state. Go in for a free consultation with a lawyer who specializes in elderly care, or disabled care and medicare law. Possibly, the better choice will be disabled care because they can show you how to protect yourself from liability if your father did something wrong.