MomCaregiver26, if this caregiver is really great with your Mom, that is the most important thing.
Everyone is different on how they keep their environment. Example, my sig other eats like a 5 year old, crumbs all over the sofa and on the rug in front of the sofa... [sigh]. He has wonderful qualities that override his mess.
Thus, the next caregiver could be super neat but not near as good with helping your Mom.
Try to overlook the mess, you don't want to come across as acting like her own Mom.
Come here and vent about it! The women that came into our house had various little habits that drove me nuts, most of that boiled down to having to allow these people free reign of my home, which felt like a huge invasion of my privacy and autonomy. One dear lady liked to "helpfully" clear the sink of dishes I had left to dry, except she didn't know where they went and placed them all across the counter. It seems silly now, but OMG it drove me batty! Do mention specific things that could be changed, but try to let the rest slide - good, competent helpers are worth a little inconvenience!
What is a mess to one person is not to another. Now saying that...
Is this your home? Ask her what she feels her duties are? Maybe she feels caring for Mom is it, Dirty dishes are your problem. If this is how she feels, then ask if she could at least rinse them and put in the sink or in the dishwasher. If its getting Mom a meal, ask that she at least put things back where she found them and wipe down the counter. It is ant season.
We had a client complain that a homecare aid she had for her husband would not do dishes (that client left) or vacuum. So my Dept head called the Homecare. She found out that if the husband lived on his own, aides do some light cleaning like dishes, vacuuming and laundry but if there is another person in the home capable, their job is just to care for the client.
How messy is the caregiver? Is it hazardous things she’s doing (poopy clothes left sitting out?) or is it just small things (coffee cups on table) getting to you?
My Mom has had slobs taking care of her (they had to go) and she had one that kept the place absolutely spic & span but was a tyrant to the other caregivers (she had to go also)! If this person is really great with your mom, and the mess she leaves is simple, just nicely talk to her & let her know you expect a little more neatness. My mom had full time care for 3 years, and we never had the “perfect” caregiver, you learn what you’re willing to put up with & what you’re not. I was satisfied with mom being clean, happy, & well looked after with a little bit of messiness on the side.
How do you mean "messy" And is this someone you hired through an agency or private? In either case day 1 there should have been a discussion as to what you expect and what the caregiver expects. If through an agency you need to contact them and let them know. If you hired them privately you need to have a discussion and go over what expectations are.
In any case tell the agency, tell the caregiver that you are pleased with how she treats mom, and anything else that she is doing correctly. But ...then explain what the problems are. Give her a chance to correct the problems but if they continue you will have to find someone else.
The object of getting a caregiver is to make your life and your moms life easier and less stressful not more difficult.
Is it your caregiver or your mom"s? Not trying to be a smart ass just learned not to make assumptions on this site lol. Anyway, if your mom is living with you and the caregiver isn't cleaning your house to your expectations then I would make a list of what it is that you think she should be doing different. Most caregivers you get through Medicare paid companies have a very specific list of things they are supposed to do. Most have it down to how many minutes they should spend on specific things like 25 minutes a day to do dishes etc. The ones in my area also have a specific list of things they won't do or can't do like windows, driving to anything other than Dr or shopping. If you hired her privately meaning you pay her wages then you should have made up something in the beginning that states what you expect her to do for you or mom. If mom is competent and it's her house then I would maybe lower your expectations if she's not putting anyone in danger and you just don't like where she puts the silverware. Chances are if she's been there for any amount of time then she and your mom are already aware of your cleaning behind the caregiver and probably get a good chuckle out of it. Relax, you sound like an intelligent person who genuinely cares about her mom and if something was being not done that was important you probably would have already said something to her.
Unless this is a hygeine issue that is not being handled, it sounds more as though you like things just your way, which if you have been very specific over you can expect approx kept to. If it is small things try not to stress too much, if the caregiver is actually sloppy, leaving things that may be hazardous etc. have them changed.
I’d mention it. Ask her to put her things away just like you do a child . Maybe kindly explain a messy atmosphere makes you nervous and you don’t have the time or energy to clean it up. Some people were never taught basic home care, it may be “ normal “ to her.
If you (or your mom) loves the caretaker, it may be easier to bring in cleaning help once in a while than find someone better. Once everything is clean — give her hints, “what a relief!” And “a clean house makes me feel so much better!”
Is is it possible that caring for your Mom has gotten harder? It is tougher to keep things picked up?
A messy house can also be hazardous and unhealthy.
I should think anyone in the business of entering someone else's home on the premise of "helping" would know or be schooled on the primary obligation, not to be a burden to an already burdened family. I don't get the excusing of a major character flaw like that, and I don't see where there's an unwritten law that states it should be necessary to clean up after a paid worker has collected funds for a service. Not a handyman, personal care or health aide, companion, no one. I don't expect such a worker to clean my home, but not add to whatever chaos already exists. It's not out of the question for someone, if they have used the kitchen for any reason, to clean up after themselves. Bathroom also. What are they? Six? They are adults who are providing a service and conducting a business. Neatness and consideration for their surroundings is included. I might devise a "cleaning fee" myself that comes off the top of any payment owed if I had to tolerate someone else's mess. Thirteen years into this has shortened my fuse.
Everyone is different on how they keep their environment. Example, my sig other eats like a 5 year old, crumbs all over the sofa and on the rug in front of the sofa... [sigh]. He has wonderful qualities that override his mess.
Thus, the next caregiver could be super neat but not near as good with helping your Mom.
Try to overlook the mess, you don't want to come across as acting like her own Mom.
Is this your home? Ask her what she feels her duties are? Maybe she feels caring for Mom is it, Dirty dishes are your problem. If this is how she feels, then ask if she could at least rinse them and put in the sink or in the dishwasher. If its getting Mom a meal, ask that she at least put things back where she found them and wipe down the counter. It is ant season.
We had a client complain that a homecare aid she had for her husband would not do dishes (that client left) or vacuum. So my Dept head called the Homecare. She found out that if the husband lived on his own, aides do some light cleaning like dishes, vacuuming and laundry but if there is another person in the home capable, their job is just to care for the client.
My Mom has had slobs taking care of her (they had to go) and she had one that kept the place absolutely spic & span but was a tyrant to the other caregivers (she had to go also)! If this person is really great with your mom, and the mess she leaves is simple, just nicely talk to her & let her know you expect a little more neatness. My mom had full time care for 3 years, and we never had the “perfect” caregiver, you learn what you’re willing to put up with & what you’re not. I was satisfied with mom being clean, happy, & well looked after with a little bit of messiness on the side.
And is this someone you hired through an agency or private?
In either case day 1 there should have been a discussion as to what you expect and what the caregiver expects.
If through an agency you need to contact them and let them know.
If you hired them privately you need to have a discussion and go over what expectations are.
In any case tell the agency, tell the caregiver that you are pleased with how she treats mom, and anything else that she is doing correctly. But ...then explain what the problems are. Give her a chance to correct the problems but if they continue you will have to find someone else.
The object of getting a caregiver is to make your life and your moms life easier and less stressful not more difficult.
Relax, you sound like an intelligent person who genuinely cares about her mom and if something was being not done that was important you probably would have already said something to her.
Is is it possible that caring for your Mom has gotten harder? It is tougher to keep things picked up?
A messy house can also be hazardous and unhealthy.
Be grateful that your mom is her first priority.