Mom is 90 with dementia. She lives 300 miles away with my divorced brother. He is marginally mentally stable. He is a researcher and educator. He has DPOA. Mom only has Social Security and no other assets. He has claimed ownership of all of my parent's remaining possessions. I am able to visit Mom every couple of months, at brother's discretion. I have always wanted to be involved with caring for Mom. I have always offered to relieve my brother to give him a break. I have always believed that Mom should live with me. I am an RN. I work from home and make my own hours. I care for my disabled adult daughter who suffers from severe short term memory deficit. Professionally, I am experienced with dementia and elder care. I have a lovely bedroom for Mom in an environment that is safe, stimulating and loving. She would never be left alone as she is now. On my last visit, the house and Mom smelled worse than a bad nursing home. My brother appeared disheveled and dirty. He walked behind Mom and pulled her pants open, without warning. She jumped and he told her to shut the f*** up. I asked what the hell he was doing to which he said he was checking to see if she pissed her pants. I objected to his treatment. He responded with "What's the f***ing difference? She's not even a person anymore." He yells at her. He is a nasty, mean narcissist. He has a history of significant mental disorder and I suspect he is not taking his meds, as prescribed. In the past, when he didn't take meds, he was violent. He is slightly paranoid and highly suspicious. He will not ever agree to Mom living with me. I've told him to keep her Social Security. I just care about her health insurance. I've spoken to lawyers who tell me it will cost $30K to fight him in court. Our younger brother completely supports me and is ready to back me up. The only alternative I see is to arrange for APS to get involved if he refuses to cooperate. If APS removes Mom from his home, what happens to the DPOA? Will I be allowed to take Mom home? I don't want her transitioned elsewhere. Do I have to petition for guardianship? Mom is completely unable to consent to anything, That jerk won't tell me who her doctors are or what they say. I have no childhood issues or trauma from Mom. We were best friends for most of my life. If you listen to him, it's hard to believe we have the same Mom. He is so pathetic. Let's hear it. I need your input.
Has your brother got funds to fight guardianship? Has he got access to your mother's money?
I would definitely call APS and ask THEM for the best route to guardianship. I cant see how a Guardian Ad Litem (the legal advocate who will be appointment for your mom) could possibly think that your brother would be a suitable guardian.
One more thing. You make several accusations against your brother taking possession of your parents' belongings. If these are things that your mom has told you, make sure they are verifiable. I've been told some extraordinary stories by my mom when she was first diagnosed with dementia, and I'm always glad that I didn't go in with verbal guns blazing to the first rehab she was in!
Remind me what mandatory reporting is? Even though your mother lives outside your jurisdiction so you're not legally bound by it, you should still know the ethics of the thing inside out.
Just read your profile. Wow, your life reads like a Hollywood movie. I love a story of survival and I have to tell you that you are one of the most spectacular survivors I have read about on this forum.
As far as your question goes, you have sought legal advice which is what I would have suggested. Unfortunately, legal fees are very expensive.
If I were you I would be very upset about how your brother is handling your mom. I’m so sorry that your mom is legally bound to him.
Considering the circumstances I wouldn’t hesitate to ask APS to investigate. Your mom deserves better and so do you and your other brother.
Cleary you are more qualified to handle her care. I am also sure that if at some point that you were unable to care for her that you would be more knowledgeable in selecting a suitable facility for her.
I wish you all the best.
Have you sought 2nd opinions regarding costs?
Have you considered the possibility of seeking state guardianship, if available?
Was he given POA because he’s the oldest, or for some other reason that you’re aware of?
Are you OBJECTIVELY documenting everything you observe? Notebook, hidden open microphone, video?
Has your younger brother observed enough to back up your claim(s) of questionable care?
Have you considered ANY alternatives to legal guardianship that you might be able to encourage (force) him to accept?