That seems to be one assumption the OP has made. I don't think it's a very helpful one; and since we know absolutely zip about the brother except that he isn't the primary caregiver it may a grossly unfair one, too.
If your caregiving sibling told you nothing about what was happening, asked for nothing and/but silently resented your lack of support, and blamed you for taking no part in your mother's care, what would you do?
Candy, try to put this in a positive spin, at least to draw out how much he might do. Has he EVER refused to do anything you ask, or to provide help?
You don't mention having discussed care issues with him. But since you "do everything", make a list of what you do, check off items you think he could do, and/or other ways in which he could be helpful, and ask him to review the list and let you know when he can start sharing in her care.
There's not much more information on which to make conclusions on your situation, but if there's a possibility you can turn this in a win-win situation for both of you, definitely do so.
How long have you been caring for her? Have you experienced burn-out yet? W/o being dismal or negative, you will at some point. And if he's been shut out, on whom will you rely?
And both of you should be aware that if a judge sees friction, neither of you may end up with guardianship; the court may appoint someone, such as an attorney, and you can expect to see the funds diminish quickly. Attorneys will bill at hourly rates that will blow your mind.
Sit down with brother and try to work this out, and especially find out how he feels. He may even think you're deliberately doing all the work yourself and shutting him out.
And try to think in terms of sharing, and why in fact you should be the only one doing all the work.
We honestly don't have any information here, so difficult to have any input. 1. Are you currently the POA? 2. Have you kept excellent records, diaries, anything else? 3. Do you over all get along with your brother? 4. What do you fear if your brother serves along with you? Overall I feel that it is problematic to have two people because no two people can agree on any issue EVER, let alone in this instance. It you are currently serving and if you do not get along with your brother or suspect he may have ulterior motives it is best to just appear on summons with all your records, prove that you are excellent POA (if you ARE the current POA). Of course you will need an elder law attorney. If you are going to DEFEND A POSITION SHE APPOINTED to you, I believe her estate will pay your defense cost, but I am no lawyer and that is only opinion. I am afraid you now need to see an elder law attorney. It will be an expensive hour but you need these basic questions answered. If you are able to come back and give us more information we may be able to help more.
I agree with: - need more info from you per other's requests below (who has PoA, etc) - transparency in communication is essential and helps the caregiver in many ways as well as the care receiver
Do you currently have any sort of Power of Attorney for your mother?
It is not unreasonable for the non-caregiving sibling to want to be involved in your mother's care, even if he is not the one actually doing it. It's all about communication, and about agreeing how decisions you have to make for your mother can be made together.
If your mother didn't create any POAs before, and her money needs to be managed or she might need memory care and important legal decisions have to be made for her, then applying for guardianship might be the right way to go. And if your brother is suggesting a joint guardianship, shared by both of you, then it doesn't sound as if he wants to fight you - he wants to be included.
What's your relationship with your brother been like over the years?
If your caregiving sibling told you nothing about what was happening, asked for nothing and/but silently resented your lack of support, and blamed you for taking no part in your mother's care, what would you do?
You don't mention having discussed care issues with him. But since you "do everything", make a list of what you do, check off items you think he could do, and/or other ways in which he could be helpful, and ask him to review the list and let you know when he can start sharing in her care.
There's not much more information on which to make conclusions on your situation, but if there's a possibility you can turn this in a win-win situation for both of you, definitely do so.
How long have you been caring for her? Have you experienced burn-out yet? W/o being dismal or negative, you will at some point. And if he's been shut out, on whom will you rely?
And both of you should be aware that if a judge sees friction, neither of you may end up with guardianship; the court may appoint someone, such as an attorney, and you can expect to see the funds diminish quickly. Attorneys will bill at hourly rates that will blow your mind.
Sit down with brother and try to work this out, and especially find out how he feels. He may even think you're deliberately doing all the work yourself and shutting him out.
And try to think in terms of sharing, and why in fact you should be the only one doing all the work.
Overall I feel that it is problematic to have two people because no two people can agree on any issue EVER, let alone in this instance.
It you are currently serving and if you do not get along with your brother or suspect he may have ulterior motives it is best to just appear on summons with all your records, prove that you are excellent POA (if you ARE the current POA). Of course you will need an elder law attorney. If you are going to DEFEND A POSITION SHE APPOINTED to you, I believe her estate will pay your defense cost, but I am no lawyer and that is only opinion. I am afraid you now need to see an elder law attorney. It will be an expensive hour but you need these basic questions answered. If you are able to come back and give us more information we may be able to help more.
- need more info from you per other's requests below (who has PoA, etc)
- transparency in communication is essential and helps the caregiver in many ways as well as the care receiver
Do you currently have any sort of Power of Attorney for your mother?
It is not unreasonable for the non-caregiving sibling to want to be involved in your mother's care, even if he is not the one actually doing it. It's all about communication, and about agreeing how decisions you have to make for your mother can be made together.
If your mother didn't create any POAs before, and her money needs to be managed or she might need memory care and important legal decisions have to be made for her, then applying for guardianship might be the right way to go. And if your brother is suggesting a joint guardianship, shared by both of you, then it doesn't sound as if he wants to fight you - he wants to be included.
What's your relationship with your brother been like over the years?