My bedridden mother (90) insists on changing her diaper every time she pees. I’m not getting any sleep at night changing her constantly. What should I do?

There’s a device, I think it’s called Purewick that might help her. Would draw the urine out so that she stays dry through the night.

My mom became bedridden and incontinent at a late stage in her dementia. Finally I took her out of snfs and assisted with an enhanced license.

Hospice provided the diapers, which I changed. During the day I changed them several times.....like every few hours, but I'd let it go a bit longer overnight, and would change them early in the morning

My mom would call out for me constantly, and for a while I slept on a cot near her hospital bed in the den.

She'd call for dead relatives, etc and after a while I just couldn't take it anymore and went upstairs to my my own bed.

I'd use chucks and a mattress protector. Generally the fecal incontinence was harder for me to deal with.

One night I just couldn't keep up with the diaper changing, and called 911.......that was when diarrhea started and she tested positive for c difficile.
Before that mom would make an announcement when she was going to poop in her diaper, in front of the social worker from hospice.......I nearly died!

I must say that changing the diapers was difficult, as mom was bedridden and had limited mobility

I would sort of roll up things and place the chux and mattress protector under. ....it was hard to do, and eventually, a couple of days before her death, she even lost the ability to roll over in bed, and I couldn't physically change the diapers anymore.

I wish you and your mom eventual peace and comfort ......this caregiving is physically and emotionally draining. However, I wanted her out of the snf.......the prices are astronomical, and I couldn't get in to see her because of pandemic restrictions. I am still feeling from the nightmare of it, and am seeing a therapist for my own sanity. My best wishes and blessings go out to you and your mom.

Well, for me, if my LO was at that stage I would have to place them. I have my limits/boundaries and that would be beyond my pay raise.

I have 2 in homes, one in AL (age 97) another in MC (age 84) they are exactly where they need to be at this point in their life.

Sorry that I do not have any otherwise viable solution. Take Care!

How often is "every time she pees"? If she is on a diuretic and takes that in the evening ask about changing the timing. Has she been checked for a UTI? If you used a pad inside the pullup/brief could she manage that on her own?


What is the prognosis for her injury, if she isn't expected to recover and regain some mobility it may be time to consider placement. It may sound cruel but if that is where you are you might point out to her that she won't be getting changed on demand in a nursing home so she might be better off learning to do without that now.

One other thought - if she took medication to sleep more deeply she would be less apt to awaken and call for you.

She should be changed every time she urinates.
To not change someone can lead to skin breakdown.
There are pads designed to go inside a pull up or a tab brief (aka "diaper") placing a pad would make the change a bit easier and faster.
I have to ask are you using a tab brief? If so that makes changing her in bed much easier.
How often is she urinating?
How much is the output?
When she is asking to be changed is she actually wet?
Was she incontinent prior to the fracture?
Is there an expected positive outcome?
If she is going to be bed bound for the for seeable future it might be a good idea to hire an over night caregiver that will change her.

I agree with cwillie about "frequent urges to pee" possible being a symptom of a UTI, especially if she was recently hospitalized for the fracture and if she was catheterized at any point.

If she has cognitive or memory impairment, I'm not sure you'll be able to reason with her or "train" her to change this habit. The only thing I can suggest is to ignore her. Others have suggested placement in a care community -- maybe not a bad idea to at least start researching options and places as this may take time, especially if she has humble finances. If she qualifies for LTC, she may also qualify for Medicaid, which would cover 100% of the cost along with her SS benefit.

I got some extremely absorbent diapers for my dad. The brand is called Tranquility. Perhaps that would help her feel she could make it till morning. If she is truly bedridden perhaps she could have a cath. I’d ask her doctor. You need sleep too.

Is she drinking a lot before bed? Are you giving her liquids right before sleep with meds? Then shes going to have to go within a half hour or so. You could limit drinks to 3hrs before bed. She won't have to go as much. She's not going to be dehydrated. Just make sure you offer drinks in the am.
Parents do that with small children, so they don't wet the bed. I would try another brief at night. Why is she feeling so wet? They are supposed to absorb it and keep her dry. Sounds like they are not working. Try another brand or get doc to recommend one. Good luck.

Purewick is AMAZING. But expensive. I recently saw an article about the insurances starting to pay for it.... worth checking out....

Speak with her doctor and a local social worker to discuss your mother's options for assistance with her care. She may be eligible for in-home aides that can back you up so that you can get some sleep.