My aged mother insists that there are in effect "two of me." I have a "doppelganger." Any advice?

I would take the knobs off the stove ("Oh gosh, where did those go?") at night or whenever you're out and put them in your bedroom (or hide them elsewhere) until you are around. You don't want her burning your mobile home to the ground!!

I have already had some difficulty communicating with her because she has been hard of hearing for a while. It helps that I have a very strong voice. More recently I got a dry erase board (with markers) small enough to carry around. And as I said, this "doppelganger" notion comes and goes. She doesn't bring this up all the time. I do the driving, of course; I am always present to assist with dinner; and I am there for her safety--as big and husky as I am I protect her. But sometimes I will get up in the morning and find her asleep in the living room, with two burners lighted on the kitchen stove (she is impatient with the furnace in our mobile home). But I am concerned that she may make a mistake sometime...

Dougiemonty1 - I was told the same thing after my mom had a MRI - that her brain had shrunk. What the doctor didn’t say was that this is dementia. This was at a point when I knew so little about dementia- in fact it wasn’t even on my radar. I just thought mom was going through typical old age decline. My whole knowledge base of dementia was practically non-existent.

Not long after that my mom started having other bizarre symptoms and I found my way here looking for answers.

I wish I had known then what I know now.

Start educating yourself on dementia. Capgras Syndrome is frequently present with Lewy Bodies Dementia- you might start there. Lewy Bodies is second to Alzheimer’s in occurance.

However- putting a specific name to your mothers dementia isn’t as important as getting educated on the basics of dementia in general.

I will give you a tip. It’s what I’ve deemed The Golden Rule of Dementia:
There is no reasoning with dementia. Period.

So stop frustrating yourself by trying to get your mother to look at reasonable facts and then come to a reasonable conclusion. As others have said - it ain’t gonna happen. This tip is one that more than any other piece of information - I wish I had earlier in my joy ride through dementia with my mother. I would have purchased a helmet to use prior to banging my head against the wall.

But seriously- knowledge is your best friend right now. Do spend some time reading through this site - hey, your already ahead in the game just by finding this site this early in your own joy ride through dementia.

I wish you the very best. And buckle your seat belt!

Dougiemonty1, my husband was well into dementia when he signed my POA. The lawyer went over it with him then asked him what it meant. "It means that if I can't make decisions, Jeanne can make them for me." Whew! He was having bouts of paranoia at the time and I wasn't sure if he'd trust me. The lawyer said if he was "having a bad day" she'd come back and try again. But it only took one try. To sign a POA all your mother has to do is demonstrate that she understands what she is signing. It doesn't matter that she thinks you are a twin or that she has crying jags.

Have you scheduled follow-up testing?

After you've looked up cabgras, I suggest you visit the Lewy Body Dementia Association website (LBDA.org) as that type of dementia includes cabgras more frequently than most. On the other hand, I don't think that LBD involves shrinkage of the brain.

This is subject matter for the experts.

She has short-term memory problems: We go to the supermarket. The cashier will give her the register receipt. Later Mom will ask me for it and I say she has it. She gets angry and says I'm lying. So the last several times I have asked the cashier to give me the tape. Also, she has had sleep problems--for many years. So have I, in fact.

She had gone on a crying jag about three months ago--so severe I had her taken to a hospital ER. They ran a series of tests on her, including an MRI. The doctor diagnosed her with "unspecified dementia" (her own doctor has since told me that Alzheimers requires specialized, more intensive tests). The ER doctor also told me her brain is smaller--I don't know how much bearing that has on its capacity or function. A psychiatrist she was referred to prescribed some medications, but she has hardly touched the pills--I have counted them. I already write out her checks because her hands shake so much (she even had a signature stamp made by the bank) but I don't know whether I can even achieve Power of Attorney under present conditions...

Capgras is often associated with dementia. It also can be present in Schizophrenia, brain injury, and epilepsy. Best to have a medical evaluation.

By the way, does your mother have sleep disturbances? Has she lost her sense of smell? Does she have other delusions beside the duplicate sons? Does she see or hear things that aren't there? How is her memory?

Douglas, look up capgras syndrome on the internet. The phenomenon is common enough to have a name! There are many sound articles on medical sites.

What to do with capgras? The first thing is to get a medical evaluation for Mom. That may start with her PCP and may progress to a behavioral neurologist. As far as Mom is concerned this is just a routine check-up required by her insurance. Give the doctor a short write-up of your concerns. She is not likely to tell him she thinks she has duplicate sons.

While you await a medical opinion, I can tell you this for sure: You will NOT succeed in reasoning, persuading, or convincing her that you do not have a twin. Something in Mom's brain is broken, and words, logic, and reasoning is not going to fix it.

Where is my son Douglas?
He is out of town for a week.

I want to talk to my son Douglas right now!
He is on a hiking tour. I just tried to call him, but he must be in a zone with no phone reception. I'll try again later. Is there something I can help you with in the meantime?

Stop asking for proof or showing proof or using reason to try to fix this. Ain't gonna happen.

Conservatorship? What other symptoms of impaired reasoning has she shown? I think I'd wait for a medical assessment. Do you have Power of Attorney for her (both financial and medical)? That would be a good starting place.

It sounds like your mom has some form and level of dementia, which means her brain is broken. You can argue all you want but it won't change her belief, no matter how wild it is. Start reading on this site about dementia. Watch Teepa Snow videos on Youtube. Your mom can't help her faulty reasoning. Her brain is broken. So just go with the flow, don't "deny her notion" and learn how to therapeutically fib to her. If you search on this site, you'll see lots of posts about how to deal with an elder with dementia. Your mom can't help herself. As long as she's letting you help her, I don't think you need a guardianship. Is she generally ok with your help for her? Are you her Power of Attorney (POA) for health?