My 94 year old mother keeps doing things around the house that are unsafe for someone with her mobility issues, though we are here to assist. Any advice?

Try to anticipate what she is going to do: remove step stools, ladders, hide extension cords behind furniture, sharp objects need to remove. Tell mom that when she needs these things she needs to call you so because they are at your home. Or lock them in the garage and keep the key with you. Check on her day and night. She will be disrespectful because she does not know the difference. Not the best thing in the world - I was the worst daughter in the world while taking my daddy to the doctor and making sure he ate and had a clean bed. But he yelled and cursed me for about three years. Not all the time but when he did not get HIS way. I just learned to live with it because I knew it was the disease and not his true feeling. This is what we need to remember. She will soon need to be in a facility so be prepared for that. If you can hire some one to come in and assist then do that - just a suggestion do not ask her if it can happen just bring them in and introduce that person as a friend and let them start cleaning, doing chores as you sit there visiting with mom. Then soon they become friends and she may or may not accept that helper. But you need to try. Blessings to you.

I hate to say this but...
There is not much you can do.
You can wait for some catastrophic event that will limit her mobility more and possibly place her in rehab and eventually in Long Term Care be that Skilled Nursing or Assisted Living. (or caregivers in her home)
Now if you were to have indicated that mom has cognitive issues either diagnosed dementia or just "MCI" (mild cognitive impairment) you, if you are her POA might be able to have her placed in Memory Care but you do not indicate there is a memory problem. So the fact that she is cognizant you are limited as to what you can do.
I am not quite your mom's age and I also do things I should not do from time to time. And I can tell you that it is because
1) I can be stubborn.
2) I hate asking for help. My daughter works, her husband works and the eldest grandson is in college, they are all busy the last thing they need is a list of things to do for me.
Part of asking for help is the admission that you are getting older and no one wants to admit that.

The one suggestion I have is pick a day of the week. Whatever day is easiest for you.
That day will be "mom's day"
Go over that day and do some of the stuff that needs to be done. If nothing needs to be done spend a bit of time with her just talking. Maybe she tries to get things done so when you do come over she can spend time while you are not busy doing things for her.

Tell her you’ll be there every week on the same day and she should add things to a list for you to do when you get there.

This is unlikely to work. She probably has some cognitive decline as evidenced by her personality changes.

If she has any history of being someone who tries to make other people happy, you might appeal to her with the ploy that helping her makes you happy and makes you feel important in her life. That way, SHE is giving YOU a GIFT by allowing you to help her. Then it's not about her ability to do things anymore or about safety, but about improving your relationship with her. It's about reframing how both you and she view your offers of help. May or may not work, but worth a try....

It is here, on this site, that I learned to NEVER ask anyone for help. Doing so comes with criticism and disrespect. NOPE, I will pay someone before ever considering asking family for help.

Do yourself, your wife and your mother a favor by hiring a helper/companion like a "Visiting Angel."

She has taken care of herself for a lifetime and perhaps isn't interested in giving up what she perceives as her independence. I'd be interested in an example of what she is doing that you feel is unsafe, that will make it easier to determine whether you are being a helicopter son or she is truly being foolish.

It’s hard to try and stop them doing things they do because this is their will to keep on living, to stop behaviours would reduce their fight and will to stay strong.

please pop in daily and fit cameras so you can watch her from afar. Try a two way communication button where she knows she can just press for support, should she need it.

I look after my 94 year old father and your heart yearns for their strength as you watch them decline, so please keep your mum as active as she can be, safely, without restrictions. Plus you need to stay strong and guide all family around you, it is a tough place to be in and unless you’ve been there friends and family members do not really understand. So you need to take care of you too….it’s so important.

"She refuses to accept that I am two houses down and a phone call away for anything that she needs done".

May I suggust that there are connections (assumptions) made in that sentence that maybe your Mom disagrees with?

"She refuses to accept that I am two houses down.."
Mom knows where you live.

"and a phone call away.."
She knows that too.

"for anything that she needs done".
THAT. Stop there.
She doesn’t WANT you to do it.

Hence the anger.
No-body likes to be bossed around, made to feel old or useless, have their daily work taken away.

I'm sure your intentions are good - Safety.

Maybe discuss with Mom what she wants to stay independant with, what chores she would like to do with someone's assistance & what tasks would be sensible to delegate.
Eg Choose her grocery items, light dusting independantly.
Order groceries with someone to help, wash the clothes with help.
Delegate grocery delivery.
Delegate mopping floors.

Anyway just ideas.

If Mom has become like a teenage risk taker, up ladders or walking alone at night you have a very different situation.

What kind of things is she trying to do? Unless it's terribly unsafe, it's good for her to stay active. But there is a line between active and doing what she's always done vs being unsafe.

You don't want to become her go-to for every little thing. It's unnecessary and will create burnout really quickly.

Mom being disrespectful to your wife could be related to cognitive decline or dementia. I think you and your wife should assume that and not take it personally. If you think it's intentional, then look into boundary setting to help her cut down on it.

Best of luck.

I have found that elderly people LOVE to climb on stools and ladders! It is maddening!

paulbruno: Unless she is doing things that are harmful to her body or presenting a slip and fall, perhaps she doesn't require the help that you perceive. Best of luck.

You may live in a community that has adult/senior day care. Check into it. It would be a place where old folks do puzzles, play cards and Bingo and get a hot lunch. The chance to socialize is a good thing. If you are in the South, you might have a game called Corn Hole. Some of the ladies knit things for charity. Some nap in a reclining chair. They might have old movies. Sometimes entertainers, therapy pets or school children visit. It would be fun and safe. Your mom will forget the projects around the house.

First, your Mom doesn't think it is unsafe, otherwise, she wouldn't do it. She does it because she thinks she can do it and it is within her capabilities. What she thinks she is capable of, is very different than what you think her capabilities are.

No elderly person wants to be totally dependent upon someone else. If you are not there at the moment at her beck and call, then the moment is lost. In elderly people, we learn quite quickly that if we don't do it now, we may never remember to do it, until it is too late.

What I suggest is that you help her redesign her space, so that everything is within her reach. Any high shelves, just make them inaccessible so that she cannot store anything there.

About being disrespectful to your wife, that is something you do need to take care of now. When did it start? What does she say? Your Mom might be trying to draw a line so that she knows where she in your priorities. It helps your Mom's confidence to know that you are there at her beck and call. However, she might be trying to be your #1 woman. Unless you are planning for a divorce, set down clear boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate between your Mom and your wife.

If she is unsafe in her own home, you might have to make the hard decision to move her elsewhere. Elsewhere is NOT your home. Do NOT do that to your wife, unless you are planning for conflict and a potential divorce.

your mother is 94. I will assume she is in good mental health because you don’t say otherwise. It’s terrible when your brain wants to do something and the body can’t. It makes you cranky and resentful. Try to remember that. “ she seems to have become passive aggressive”. Really? Again 94. Let her be But just be there for her. I hope you and your wife are not talking to her like a child. Maybe your wife could take a break from seeing her. Can you get some professional outside companion care. Someone who can listen and engage with her without being involved

That will be very hard to do. She is used to doing things "her way" and probably doesn't see herself as having mobility issues. Try making it a habit of having a "weekly chore day" when you (and the rest of the family) comes over to "help" with any of those tasks you deem unsafe. Help her to create a list someplace that will be easy to "remind" her to add tasks for "chore day." You might also make a habit of asking daily what tasks she has planned for the day and which ones you would like to be with her.

I visit my mom weekly - she lives 1 hour drive away. I take her around town for her errands and chores. My husband has agreed to help monthly with repairs. This is working for us for now. In the future, I expect to visit mom twice a week as her vision/memory gets worse. When she needs me 3 times a week, we'll talk with her about other home arrangements (someplace closer).

I say let her do what she wants and if there are unfortunate consequences to that then it will be what it will be. Even if that means potential injuries make it so she has to go into a facility at some point.

My FIL decided to crawl around on his deck, wearing shorts and scraped up his legs really bad. He is now hospitalized with cellulitis and the antibiotics are not working. It may very well be his cause of death.

Sounds like she is determined to remain active and that's a good thing. Try to stay a step ahead of her on the things she thinks she still has to do that are problematic for her safety. Then set her up with lots of very doable tasks to occupy her energy, folding laundry, dusting, whatever is safest and can hold her attention. If one has always been a 'doer', very active and capable at many things, it is very hard to accept any limitations as one's abilities lessen or safety is a bigger issue. Figure out the things that bug her into 'action' and take care of them before she feels the need. If she's got lots of 'nervous energy' or is just used to being on the go, maybe figure out an easy home exercise program she might enjoy; tucker her out a bit so she doesn't need to burn off that excess energy, doesn't fidget or fret, and isn't bored. Being sedentary isn't good for any of us, so ask her doctor or a PT person for appropriate activities.

Let it go. Movement is important for seniors. Seniors who can move around are much less of a fall risk.