My mom has lived with me since 2005. My dad is deceased since 2002.
She has my name on her checking account so I can purchase her medication and other items needed.
She has a small savings account that she has her name and younger brother‘s name on. She also has him named as executor of her will. The will needs to be updated. She has a deceased brother’s name on it and so forth.
She is 93, Parkinson’s disease and has really slowed down. I have been telling her that she may need to go into a facility, either assisted living or nursing home at some point. I have explained that if funds are needed for the assisted living facility she needs to free up funds for her care. I do not trust my brother to release funds. He has never been responsible with money.
My brothers think as long as I am doing all of the caregiving that everything is fine as is. No matter how much I have tried to explain situations, they are clueless and basically uninvolved in her care or even just visiting her.
I think the message is finally starting to sink in with mom and she recently told me she wished to remove my brother’s name off of saving account and placing in my name because I have medical power of attorney for her. She also wants him removed as executor because she has realized he isn’t responsible or capable of handling the tasks that will be involved. He will just ask my older brother to help him. He doesn’t even know how to file his taxes. My husband has done it for him for years. I am the primary, full time caregiver in my home.
She also wants to update her will and leave some to my brothers and leave the bulk to me to handle necessary expenses, her burial in family plot and so forth.
She doesn’t get much social security. I will need veteran assistance if she goes into assisted living. If not she may end up in nursing home.
Do I discuss any of this with my brothers or just keep it between mom and me? Do you feel WW111 will break out if they aren’t told? What if she suggest telling them? I fear that. She loves them. They are her sons. She is disappointed in them at times and has made excuses for them as well, nevertheless loves them.
Do I need a lawyer for these answers or can anyone here help? Would appreciate views on online site Legal Zoom. Has anyone used it? Need a living will for mom too.
Appreciate any advice. Thanks a million!