My 92 year old Grandma complains that she can't walk, am I doing her harm by forcing her?

Have you tried a rollator? This is a walker with wheels in the front and a seat in the middle. My 98 year old mom uses hers constantly! It gives her great stability and allows her to sit when she is tired. She carries her stuff in storage under the seat and on the front. Medicare should pay for it!

I'll never forget the first days I came to this site, just reading posts here and there, and there was one woman who absolutely forced her poor mother or grandmother, forgot which, to walk. walk. walk. walk. with a walker, 1/4 a mile a day. Poor old thing, with that harridan barking 'up up , get going, get going, start walking!' I suppose if they're still at home and not in a facility, the caregiver HAS to make sure they can get up and walk and not be bedridden dead weight. But I thought that was an awful thing to do. They are never going to improve, walking isnt going to make them any better, it's downhill all the way.

StacieM: It takes a Herculean effort just for your 92 year-old grandmother to get out of bed or arise from a chair, say. Good grief...that poor lady just can't do it.

This thread must really resonate with people, it's had a lot of posts over 7 days; unfortunately the OP has not come back to add anything.

Damita, I'm not sure which posts you are referring to. You previously stated your opinion that this elder should not be forced to walk without further evaluation by professional ( I agree with you!).

Others here have different opinions ( sigh; we are all opinion givers here).

Posters come here to ask questions and get a variety of opinions. I think you should stay!

Gershun: Agreed.

Lovely...................!! This know nothing knows something that you don't know Damita. If you don't like it here, don't read it and don't post. It's that simple. No disenrolling required. Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

What Mojoroc says is true. When her Mom is motivated she an move. My Mom is 100. Yesterday was a great day. She went out with me after breakfast. She was to wait in the lobby of her Senior Facility while i got the car for her. She was in a wheel chair. On her own she was waiting under the carport for me as I drove up. As I go out of the driver's side she opened the passenger door, locked her wheelchair and got into the seat herself. Then fastened her seatbelt. I let her continue on her own she was doing so well. We left her wheelchair in the lobby, ran some drive through errands, went to a Chinese Buffet. She went in with me, walking just holding my hand at least 30 feet to a bench by the cash register. A big smile. I filled a box under her advisement, we checked out, another 25 yard walk. We had a happy adventure and a good meal. Today, Mom was energetic, ate well and is very happy. Said prayers tonight thanking God for our Blessings and praying for your Loved ones and You to find joyful expressions of exercise.

Shame at 92, she has every right to say that she can not walk. She is weak, her bones are tired and to me it goes without saying, that she finds it hard to cope. She is just very old. Try getting her a walker or better, a wheelchair. At this age, she needs to prove very little. Please don't make her cry.

I'm walking that grey area about exercising right now too. Mom has mobility issues especially with her right leg. She's taken a few falls and there's a level of fear as well. She has other conditions that would benefit immensely from walking and exercising but I don't push it too much until I find out about that right leg. She is actually in hospital right now getting various testing done on her wide range of issues so I know what to do next. We are signed up for a mobilty clinic in a month or so, where they look at her gait, awareness of centte of gravity, balance, etc. The proper way to use a cane, a walker, and the like. I won't let her be totally sedentary however much she wants to be. It does her zero good. But I judge things day by day and each situation on its own merits. She fights me when I ask her to walk, claiming she's disabled, and becoming very feeble however when there's a meal put on the table that ol' gal sure can move. So I know she's acting to some degree. I also know that I have no idea what it feels like to be her, in her body. I know there are real problems underneath her hamming it up. I'm always searching for that middle ground we can both live with. Since walking is put aside for now, I've started her with Otago exercises. Simple body movements designed by a physical therapist for seniors mobility and balance that can be done independently. Of course, we have to do them with her or forget it. But I try to make it fun and silly so we can enjoy the time together. I figure if we can build the habit from this routine it will be easier to add walking later. I have a real problem with allowing mom to do (or not do) something beneficial just because she doesn't want to. I also try to be careful to not do something that scares her or break's her trust in me. Without that trust, we lose everything.
It's easy to get lost on the road of good intentions, nothing wrong with easing off and finding another Avenue to take. The end doesn't justify the means as they say...
Good luck.

You can use warm coconut oil with a small bit of natural camphor (ebay.com/itm/Camphor-Natural-Granules-Cinnamomum-Camphora-Bulk-8-oz-/162513670202) for gently massaging her legs from hip to toe, especially the joints on regular basis. Use your thumbs in a downward motion. Start from hip and work downwards to the toes. Natural camphor is a pain reliever and coconut oil is a good natural massaging lubricant. You can get a tub of coconut oil in Costco.

If she complains of pain in any specific region, get an X-ray to rule out any minor fractures/ dislocations.

2. There are other alternatives to keep fit. Look into “Medical Folding Pedal Exerciser with Electronic Display for Legs and Arms Workout (Fully Assembled Exercise Peddler, no tools required)”.  It’s available on Amazon for $40. It has less resistance, so she may find it easy to exercise her arms and legs, while sitting on a bed or on a chair.

3. There exists a series of yogic exercises called Pawan Muktasana from Bihar School of yoga (India). You may be able to procure a booklet from them or on Amazon. That series has very simple exercises, such as, toe bending, ankle bending, ankle rotation, knee bending, hand clenching, wrist bending, wrist rotation, elbow bending and so on. You may be able to assist her in doing those yogic exercises.

Good luck!

I agree with above, get her checked out to see if it is something more serious. Also get her a walker, that will make her feel alittle more steady. Good luck to you-

Keeping an elder moving is essential if possible.
I agree with the need for PT consult to see what Gma is capable of. There are many exercises that can be easily done in bed. A PT can demonstrate.
Is Gma able to communicate and tell you if she has pain.?
Does she have pain meds available. If you can get her assessed by a Dr and maybe x-rays. Once you get medical recommendations follow those instructions.

Keeping a loved one at least able to take a few steps and stand and swivel into a chair or onto a comode, makes caregiving more simple.
Can you tell us what Gma's health issues are?
That makes a big difference on how active she should or can be. if she is actually close to the end of life than walking her round the house is not giving her a peaceful end and if she remembers from day to day she will dread the time you approach her, Remeber she is physically totally in your power. She has lost all decision making in her life and it is a frightening place to be. Many people are not actually afraid to die but they are frightened when they no longer have any control over their lives.

This is something many posters write about when they think it is time for their parents to leave their home and downsize. They simply don't want to do it Same thing with going into a nursing home, people are scared of the unknown and afraid they won't be treated well.
They like the freedom to stay in bed all day, not bother to get dressed or only take bath twice a week.
No one has mentioned trying to get Gma to use a waker. It is amazing how much stability that provides plus by putting more weight on the hands and arms it really relieves the pain that may come from taking weight on hips and legs.

StacieM: Any person of 92 years of age is going to have mobility issues. This woman has pain. Yes, "her granddaughter makes her scream and cry"-thank you...spot on jeannegibbs. Evenso, she should be using a mobility assist, e. g. walker, but please get her assessed by her doctor.

First of all what happened to treating each other with respect and care? Of course Stacie is trying to do what is best for her grandmother, that's why she's asking! @Jenniegibbs your opening comment is not only unnecessary it's way out of line. There are plenty of ways to offer your opinion that she shouldn't be doing this without attacking that way. I happen to agree with @needtowashhair, of primary importance in any medical setting is to get the patient up and walking if at all possible. That's why they have the belts used to help hold a patient that is unsteady. Absolutely I would suggest having a professional see grandma to make sure her protesting isn't because of an un-diagnosed hip issue or something else causing pain but it sounds like this LO (loved one, she is obviously loved!) stops protesting once she is up and walking which would tend to be counter-intuitive if she experiences pain from the activity. My mom often protests (all be it lightly) or comes up with excuses to put off getting up and moving around when she isn't motivated, particularly seniors who are in bed most of the time will, let's face it when your comfortable in bed and moving takes a lot of effort you don't want to get up just for the sake of it and depending on other issues some patients scream and cry to object or get their way "put it off" I'm just fortunate so far Mom doesn't like "putting people out" (though she uses that as an excuse to not get up, lol). So Stacie as long as you know there isn't a medical reason for her objecting you are absolutely right moving is good for her and she should be encouraged to do so. I seriously doubt you are "bullying her" and we all need to remember that our experiences are not everyone's.

StacieM,

Why does your grandmother have trouble moving her legs? Does she have arthritis? Is no one massaging her legs in bed? Is she not doing any leg exercises in bed so they don't atrophy?

Does your grandmother want to walk? Is she okay with screaming and crying?

Why is your grandmother screaming and crying? Is she scared? Is she in pain?

Did you massage her legs and make sure she can move them before trying to get her up out of bed?

My mother-in-law had arthritic knees. She was in a lot of pain. I didn't see the point of making her get up and walk to the bathroom. At first she insisted on getting out of bed. We'd try to help her, but she just couldn't do it. I would let her know that it was okay, that she could go in her diaper, that we didn't mind, and that we just didn't want her to be in pain. I would tell her about my Ulcerative Colitis experiences. I think it was comforting for her to know that her daughter-in-law has poo problems. It didn't take her long to be okay with going in her diaper.

Mother is 88. She walks not one step further than is absolutely necessary in any given day. Leaves the house twice a week and walks with a walker maybe 1/4 mile a day.

At 88, tired and always in pain, we don't expect more. I know pretty soon she will just not get out of bed anymore. She's really just hanging on b/c of all the meds she takes.

When she had PT, after her hip surgery, we made sure she had a "hunky guy" b/c wow, even at 85+ she was a flirt and thinks every man wants her. She'd do anything for "Rudy" her PT. Once he stopped coming, her progress and desire to "exercise" completely ended.

Agree with just about everyone. Stacie, the more mobility your grandmother maintains, the better for everyone! I am assuming that is your motivation in "forcing" her to walk. My concern is the distress she is expressing, real or imagined. If real, there is some physical problem that needs to be evaluated by a professional. If imagined, you are only hurting her emotionally. Certainly if she is stressed, it cannot help her confidence in believing she can walk, particularly if this is behavior repeats every time you try and get her to walk. Plus, at age 92 she may be terrified of falling. I think you are asking a lot of a 92 year old, even though your intentions may be good. Please give her some peace.

God Bless YOU!

Grandma is old enough to be eligible for HomeHealthCare and HomeHealthPhysicalTherapy!

Call the physician ASAP and have it arranged - and keep up the good work! My DH complains but after walking a few steps, he becomes more stable.

You might need to look into Vit D and Magnesium. I had to put DH on 5,000 IU Vit D in addition to what he gets in his supplements and 250 mg Magnesium to bring him up to the needed 400 mg.

I am NOT in the medical field - but doctors rarely tell you about supplements unless you ask. Google and do the research and you should be able to keep Grandma going for many years to come. My DH is 96 and looking forward to 100!

We had encouraged my 95-year old MIL to walk, per the advise of her heart specialist, until at one doctor visit we learned that her blood pressure dropped dramatically when she stood up. This changed our game plan. As others have advised, you need to see what her doctors suggest.

Anytime someone cries you are doing harm. As in your terms more than once "force" is not good. A transfer wheelchair where all 4 wheels are small would be great to get her around the house. A portable commode next to her bed is great too

Don’t do it by yourself...have her get Physical Therapist to assess her first. If she falls then you can’t pick her up by yourself

My mother is just the opposite of this. She has Alzheimer's and after a broken hip in which PTs we're never able to get her back on her feet, she does not remember she cannot walk and tries numerous times a day to get up and then promptly falls. The NH had to watch her like a hawk.

Your Gma could have a broken hip or a hairline fracture. Please STOP walking her until l you know why she “cries out in pain!”

Mom, 100 years old, doesn't like to exercise. I would love to take her in the hallway and have her walk with her walker 20 to 50 feet a day. It would be good for her blood pressure as well as heart and joint health. She says no. I listen to her. She gets exercise going to the bathroom, standing while putting on make-up and brushing her teeth, she walks with her legs going to meals in the dining room while I push her in a wheelchair and when we go to Arby's for lunch, we park outside and she can walk into the restaurant to a booth which is at least 25 feet. When we go to my home, she can walk up 1/2 flight of steps and use a walker to get to the bedroom. She walks around more when we visit at the house, ie, the kitchen, dining room, etc. Mom just resists "exercise." It can be gotten naturally through daily living and activities.

I would encourage you to have your grandmother evaluated by a physician or neurologist, followed by physical therapist. Your grandmother may or may not be able to benefit from walking, but only her physician could make that call. If your grandmother can walk, the physical therapist might evaluate your grandmother for use of a walker to aid in balance and alignment.

You might also want to ask the doctor about the cause of your grandmother's pain. An under-researched aspect of dementia and stroke is that both cause damage to the myelin sheath surrounding nerves. Nerve pain (neuropathy) results. I suspect this is an area that requires more research, but it is a question that troubles me, as I think that pain is under-reported and under-treated in the geriatric population. I'm sorry that your grandmother is suffering so much pain. Why is it that old age happens when we're elderly, frail, and least able to cope with aging?

OMG Lindabf...I TOTALLY AGREE. I have a really handsome and ripped male PT for my mom. It's a nice break for everyone. A young Huey Newton meets George Clooney.

Seeking a medical evaluation and physical therapy makes the most sense. Eventually, the physical therapist can educate you and "sign you off" to do the exercising once they have trained you. Understand that improper technique could harm your grandmother and you. If she were to tumble, you might put undo pressure on her or strain or injure yourself. Tap into their expertise.

I'm in the "get her to keep moving" camp. You could sit on the floor as she is seated and have her straighten her legs out...other things that won't put pressure. My mom is 93 and has arthritis...I have a PT come three times a week to keep her moving.

There is a topical prescription gel for sore knees, etc. that really works. Takes about a week to kick in. Even aspercreme and Tylenol...before walking? Or chocolate milk right after walking as reward?

So many good thoughts here, so i thought I’d inject just a note of levity. Don’t underestimate the power of helpful hunky young men to an elderly woman. Mom will work her tail off without complaining when her PT partner is a hunky young man instead of me. There was a period where she was falling when she got out of bed and we had to call the fire department 3 different nights before we figured out a fix. Four to five lovely, compassionate, muscular, hunky young men gently lifted her back into bed, voicing concern that she was okay and assuring her they were always available. She’d be in a good mood for a couple of days. LOVED the attention from such vibrant youngsters! So ... maybe hire a hunky orderly-type guy to help her walk for a couple of days and see if it breaks the pattern. I forget that she still longs to be attractive to the opposite sex, even though she would freak out at the hint of anything sexual. I’m not in any way making fun here — it really is a remarkable thing to see and gave me a new level of compassion about all the levels on which her disease leaves her lonely and discouraged.