My 89 year old mom lives alone and insists on sleeping upstairs. She can hardly make it up a curb with a cane but won’t move back downstairs.

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My 89 year old mom lives alone and insists on sleeping upstairs. She can hardly make it up a curb with a cane but won’t move back downstairs.

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Movement is lubricant in arthritis. I have arthritis in my hands and knees - at 57! Physical therapists suggest daily movement of the affected joints. Seems your mom is doing just that. Wait until she says it is too difficult. Then offer to move things around to make the "back bedroom" just the way she likes it. My Gram died short of 99 years old and had terrible arthritis in her joints. She was climbing stairs to the very end... and died in the car on the way to a doctor's appointment - my mom was driving.

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One day she really won’t be able to climb the stairs anymore. In others words, events will happen that will make the decisions for you, or her in this case. She clearly wants her independence and you say she has her mind, so I’d say let it be. Climbing may be much needed exercise. One day it’ll be different and yes, an accident may happen, but that’s true for all of us

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I suggest that you support her wishes. She must be able to climb the stairs and one day she won’t be able to. If she’s cognizant then she will know when it’s time. I’m guessing that her need for independence is equal to her need for control and if you back off and support her it changes the dynamics between you. You may even come to grow closer to her and understand her better. You would need to genuinely support her. Let her know that you support her and want her to support her through her independence. Good luck to you and to your family.

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Would you want to sleep where your spouse died?!

Her behavior is normal. Stop trying to change her. Do you realize how many widows refuse to live in the house where a spouse passed away? My GF, an aunt and my own sister couldn't stay in the house. I lost my DH but this is MY house and I have no trouble staying here. My DH died in the livingroom, not in my bedroom. And I still had to replace the bed.

Until you walk in your Mother's shoes, please tread carefully.

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You might try to remind her that a fall down the stairs would most likely send her to a nursing home or worse.

Think about having an occupational therapist come in to evaluate her safety in her home. There are more problems than just the stairs. Her doctor could order it.

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Gather information on a stair lift & discuss with her.

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These issues are very difficult to handle. Pray for your peace of mind. If you can call an adopted stairs company and have them to put a chair lift on the stairs. I think Medicare will paid for this. If not start a go fund me account. Go with God speed and Grace.
Desire To Live

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Get her a stair lift if you can. They are very helpful.

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Can you move her upstairs bed to where she is comfortable and move it into the downstairs bedroom? Maybe she doesn't want to sleep in the bed he died in...but would be OK in that room with her Own bed from upstairs...

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Maybe along with a new bed, redecorate some and ask for your mom’s input. She might warm to the idea over time as she sees the room transform. If not, it will be ready for her to move in when there is no other option. I get what you’re facing. Dad is 98 and maddeningly stubborn. Hoping for the best outcome for you both!

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My mom is 97 and maddeningly stubborn. She's got a caretaker 6 days a week, my niece lives with her (so she won't be home alone overnight), and my sister is there every minute in-between. That's 3 adults who make it possible to stay in her house. Makes me mad that she can't or won't see how selfish her 'cute stubbornness' is, or the lack of appreciation for those 3 adults. .. At least now I know how NOT to act when I'm 'there'.

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If you can afford it, perhaps get a stair lift installed. I know they are expensive but it is something that you and your husband might appreciate in a few years for yourselves. In Australia where I live, in certain circumstances the government will make a substantial contribution to the cost ... it us cheaper to keep people in their own homes than nursing home or aged care facilities.

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If he was in the bed, maybe she needs an entirely new bed, even a new size. My mom went from 2 twins to a full to make it "her" room.

Why do they have to be so darn stubborn?? Doesn't she understand that she could all too easily fall down those darn stairs and hurt or kill herself? Not too much you can do besides try to reason with her - but you can't be fighting with her about this regularly or it will just further damage your relationship.

Frustrating....

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You must understand that they are losing their independent. It is now your responsibility to be reassuring to them. As hopefully, they were to you when you were younger. Be patience they deserve it. Trust me, ONE day you will need that kindness also.

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Good luck with this,, you may have to wait until she really CAN:T get upstairs.. I do know my hubs will freak if my Mom dies in our home, But I think if I buy a new bed he will be OK. My GGM passed in her recliner,, my uncle wanted it and brought it home to his house. I can tell you NO one but he ever sat in it.. If you are afraid of her it makes it harder. Good luck!!

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Can you make the bedroom in a different room - reverse the bedroom and living room for example? Of course she is going to fuss and say it's unworkable but try to get her to see that it would be unfair for you to be the one who finds her dead or injured at the bottom of the stairs.
You might also have remove any bed that is upstairs so that sleeping up there isn't even an option.

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My 89 year old mom lives alone and insists on sleeping upstairs. She can hardly make it up a curb with a cane but won’t move back downstairs.

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