My 89 year old mom lives alone and insists on sleeping upstairs. She can hardly make it up a curb with a cane but won’t move back downstairs.

Can you make the bedroom in a different room - reverse the bedroom and living room for example? Of course she is going to fuss and say it's unworkable but try to get her to see that it would be unfair for you to be the one who finds her dead or injured at the bottom of the stairs.
You might also have remove any bed that is upstairs so that sleeping up there isn't even an option.

Good luck with this,, you may have to wait until she really CAN:T get upstairs.. I do know my hubs will freak if my Mom dies in our home, But I think if I buy a new bed he will be OK. My GGM passed in her recliner,, my uncle wanted it and brought it home to his house. I can tell you NO one but he ever sat in it.. If you are afraid of her it makes it harder. Good luck!!

If he was in the bed, maybe she needs an entirely new bed, even a new size. My mom went from 2 twins to a full to make it "her" room.

Why do they have to be so darn stubborn?? Doesn't she understand that she could all too easily fall down those darn stairs and hurt or kill herself? Not too much you can do besides try to reason with her - but you can't be fighting with her about this regularly or it will just further damage your relationship.

Frustrating....

If you can afford it, perhaps get a stair lift installed. I know they are expensive but it is something that you and your husband might appreciate in a few years for yourselves. In Australia where I live, in certain circumstances the government will make a substantial contribution to the cost ... it us cheaper to keep people in their own homes than nursing home or aged care facilities.

Maybe along with a new bed, redecorate some and ask for your mom’s input. She might warm to the idea over time as she sees the room transform. If not, it will be ready for her to move in when there is no other option. I get what you’re facing. Dad is 98 and maddeningly stubborn. Hoping for the best outcome for you both!

Can you move her upstairs bed to where she is comfortable and move it into the downstairs bedroom? Maybe she doesn't want to sleep in the bed he died in...but would be OK in that room with her Own bed from upstairs...

Get her a stair lift if you can. They are very helpful.

These issues are very difficult to handle. Pray for your peace of mind. If you can call an adopted stairs company and have them to put a chair lift on the stairs. I think Medicare will paid for this. If not start a go fund me account. Go with God speed and Grace.
Desire To Live

Gather information on a stair lift & discuss with her.

You might try to remind her that a fall down the stairs would most likely send her to a nursing home or worse.

Think about having an occupational therapist come in to evaluate her safety in her home. There are more problems than just the stairs. Her doctor could order it.

Would you want to sleep where your spouse died?!

Her behavior is normal. Stop trying to change her. Do you realize how many widows refuse to live in the house where a spouse passed away? My GF, an aunt and my own sister couldn't stay in the house. I lost my DH but this is MY house and I have no trouble staying here. My DH died in the livingroom, not in my bedroom. And I still had to replace the bed.

Until you walk in your Mother's shoes, please tread carefully.

I suggest that you support her wishes. She must be able to climb the stairs and one day she won’t be able to. If she’s cognizant then she will know when it’s time. I’m guessing that her need for independence is equal to her need for control and if you back off and support her it changes the dynamics between you. You may even come to grow closer to her and understand her better. You would need to genuinely support her. Let her know that you support her and want her to support her through her independence. Good luck to you and to your family.

One day she really won’t be able to climb the stairs anymore. In others words, events will happen that will make the decisions for you, or her in this case. She clearly wants her independence and you say she has her mind, so I’d say let it be. Climbing may be much needed exercise. One day it’ll be different and yes, an accident may happen, but that’s true for all of us

Movement is lubricant in arthritis. I have arthritis in my hands and knees - at 57! Physical therapists suggest daily movement of the affected joints. Seems your mom is doing just that. Wait until she says it is too difficult. Then offer to move things around to make the "back bedroom" just the way she likes it. My Gram died short of 99 years old and had terrible arthritis in her joints. She was climbing stairs to the very end... and died in the car on the way to a doctor's appointment - my mom was driving.

My mother would not leave her home until a professional told her she had to leave. That might work to have her doctor or someone who she sees as a professional tell her she has to be in the master bedroom. They can also suggest she redecorate.

Is there another room downstairs that could be turned into a bedroom? I had a friend who has a son who had major surgery on his back several years ago. They used their dining room as a bedroom for him for almost a month because he could not go up and down stairs. They added curtains to the entrances to the room to give him some privacy.

Acorn Stair lift. My Mom used hers for 6 years until she had to move. Worth it!

Agree with Acorn stair lift. It was well worth every penny that we spent. It gives Mom freedom and independence.

Why is she living by her self kind of dangerous just wondering I read a lot of leaving their parents by them selfs not being mean does she have a nurse or care taker come over anything can happen

Climbing the stairs is actually keeping her mobile and strong, however it's also a serious fall risk. You might ask her if she is going to be ok to have to go to a nursing home if she falls and breaks a bone and then suggest you don't want her to end up unable to walk, just laying in a bed all day. That's how I got my strong willed-can do anything grandmother to give up her ladder (she was still climbing on the roof to sweep leaves and pine needles!)

Several good options listed in responses - the chair lift that would allow her to be able to still use the upstairs portion of her house or making another downstairs room into a bedroom. My bet is she would prefer to keep going upstairs because she doesn't want to change her 'normal' or admit to herself she can no longer keep doing what she is doing.

If she agrees to the chair lift, get her a leg exerciser to use during the day. It will make up for no longer climbing stairs. Check in to the knee shots that might give her a little relief from pain.

Suggest a stair lift. Other than that, she will have to decide when she is no longer capable of getting upstairs. Have you discussed selling the house and her moving to a one level?

Most people her age use more than a cane. If she's 89 and all she needs is a cane, she's in pretty good shape.

"We’ve offered to redecorate...." I've learned that offering to do anything for stubborn old people rarely ever elicits the desired "Yes please!" Rather than offer, be direct with your mother: "Mother, I'm concerned that you are going to fall down the stairs. What do you want to do with the downstairs bedroom where dad died?" Then be quiet and listen to her.

Depending on what she says, you may have several options for that room. Come back and let us know.

Just leave her alone. she is getting up and down stairs today. Let tomorrow take care of itself. I think getting literature on stair lifts is a great idea. Then wait for her to not be able to navigate the stairs. If she falls, she falls. I recommend letting her do what she wants unless it impacts other people, like driving a car.

As an 85 year old, I do not want people telling me to stop something "for my own good". God, I hate those words. We are all going to die. Right now I have 2 friends and 1 relative on hospice. Most of us will end up in nursing homes. In the meantime, let us live our lives on our terms. She could sleep on the couch if she wants to.

I was at my husband's Cardiologist yesterday, he was telling us about a woman in her 80's that has Metastatic Breast Cancer all over her left side and neck. Her family wants to keep trying to save her, they want him to move her pacemaker from her left side to the right so they can radiate her entire left side. He said he hates to put her through it, but the family is insisting. Don't be one of those "loving" family members.

I think a security button (Help I've fallen down and can't get up) is great. Mention to her that she probably doesn't need it, but it will ease your mind. With my mother we set it up so they called me, then my daughter, then 911. My girlfriend who lived in Southern California and her mother in Montana (for those of you outside the U.S. about 2,000 miles away) had theirs set up so it would call 911 then her. That way she knew something was wrong.

I would remind her that you can't take her in to your home, and what does she want when she can't take care of herself? Then let her decide. Be grateful that she doesn't want to move in with you.

While still in her own home at age 94 my mother refused to do a little walking every day. Legs had edema. A stroke put her in assisted living on the second floor. She was legally blind and could not figure out how to run the elevator or ask someone for help. (Stubborn ? )The house manager called me about the danger of her falling. I said "Let her use the stairs. I will not hold you accountable.)Eventually she learned the elevator controls. Meanwhile her edema disappeared and she went off one of her drugs. She never fell down the stairs. My advice, leave Mom alone.

The recommendations for a stairlift are great! I agree. How often does she go up and down the stairs?

I wouldn’t want to sleep in a bedroom where someone died. No way.

She’s old. She’s stubborn. She’s set in her ways. You will not change her. Where is that magic wand, right? Would be nice if everyone that cared for stubborn parents would find a magic wand in the Christmas stocking this year.

We had wanted my dad to stay home to die My mom also was afraid of him dying in her bedroom - I guess I had never considered that would be an issue but apparently it is.

I was thinking that is where my dad would have preferred to die and my mom was being selfish, but maybe there is something to that. Yes, the stairlift. I am guessing she is not a veteran but the VA installed one for my uncle.

If she insists on sleeping upstairs, that's an accident waiting to happen. If she refuses to sleep downstairs, then you may have to consider installing a riding stair chair - if even possible?

Look at all your options... Acorn lift? YOu pay around 3K to have it installed for how long? And you will need a (Goodwill store) a walker on both ends, for her to get around upstairs and downstairs... but where are bathrooms, etc?
Can she actually exist on one level? Arthritis... check out green muscles from New Zealand.. it's the newest thing I have been hearing about... Supposed to be real good. a website sayss take it for 30 days... if you don't feel different, they will encourage you to take another month supply and re-imburse you for the first supply.....
Collegen, calcium. etc/ ask your doc or nutritionist.

Anyhow... a lift is a temporary fix... When Ma becomes too bad... do you have the wheel chair ramp set up to get her outside to the car, or wheel chair access taxi cab? Perhaps, you should ask the doc or social worker to come out and do a house safety check...to see what if anything needs to be done to make if a safe place of older people with issues...arthritis..

How many ghosts have you seen? I felt one before,,,, strange... but if a house was involved, and I liked it? I would seriously have taken it, and get is blessed to get rid of any issues I may have had...

She just may have been grumpy... She may have loved having a loved one around... I would have taken the chance... :_)

Take it now... sell later if it turned out to be an issue...

Sad to Say, Mom will have to Live and Learn with a Burn....Get her Life Alert.xx