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My 87-year-old father in law is convinced that his 46-year-old caregiver is his fiancée (she told a friend she's just pretending to be his fiancée). She has isolated him from all of his family by telling him we don't care about him, and that we are "picking on her" because we don't approve of their relationship due to her age. She has blocked our phone numbers and even called the police telling them lies, saying we want to harm him and take his money. We are heartbroken and afraid for his safety. She's already conned him out of more than $300,000 and has taken control of his bank accounts. We have seen photos of him and he has had several black eyes and other injuries. We called APS and all they did was call his house and ask him, with the girlfriend next to him, if he was okay. He said "yes" so APS said there was nothing they could do. We feel helpless. The woman has installed cameras all over his house and electronically monitors his phone and email and has told him to never answer the phone. Two of my father-in-laws best friends, also in their 80's, tried to visit him and the supposed fiancée called the police and had a restraining order placed on them; she has said that she will do the same to any family member who tries to see him. We feel so helpless and can't believe this is happening. She has totally brainwashed him against the people who love him. What can we do?

How sickening! If there is karma, she will get hers. She is evil!

I am so very sorry that this is happening. I hope your attorney will be able to free your loved one from this evil person.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Glad that you have hired an attorney. If they are any good, I hope they will push hard to get this situation under control. Your poor dad! She is a real piece of work. Greedy little monster! Elder abuse, big time.

I would keep in close contact with the attorney and ask what you can do to help move this along as quickly as possible. Any length of time for this to be going on is too long. Be prepared. I am imagining that when "she" starts to feel the heat, she might run, leaving your dad high and dry. Is he OK by himself? If not, you or someone will need to be there to pick up the pieces and get him evaluated and figure out what's really going on.

Elder care is hard enough without crap like this happening. Keep us posted.
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Reply to againx100
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Signs and symptoms of elder abuse can include:

Injuries such as bruises, cuts, or broken bones
Malnourishment or weight loss
Poor hygiene
Symptoms of anxiety, depression, or confusion
Unexplained transactions or loss of money
Withdrawal from family members or friends
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Rosewater1 May 3, 2021
Yep. We know, which is why we went to Adult Protective Services, and my father-in-law's doctor. APS is useless. We hired an attorney, and we still can't get law enforcement to do anything, all because my father-in-law is now so brainwashed and isolated that he believes whatever the caretaker tells him, and does whatever she tells him to do. We also found out that he is dehydrated and undernourished, but we can't prove it because the caretaker has now made herself his Power of Medical and has forbidden the doctor's to release any records to us. The legal system is protecting the abuser.
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Time to see a lawyer about guardianship which will only work if your father is demented and you have MD proof of same. If he is not demented then there is honestly little you can do about his intention to give all his money to this "caregiver". If you do win guardianship that can be reimbursed by the FIL estate. If you lose the cost is yours, and courts are VERY loathe to take an elder's rights from him.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Rosewater1 May 3, 2021
Yep. We did hire one. We also found out that my father in law has been diagnosed with slight dementia, and has been dehydrated and under nourished under her care; but, because the abusive girlfriend persuaded him to list her as his medical power of attorney, we can't get the medical records to prove it; the abuser took our names off the list of people the doctor's office can communicate with. The woman who is exploiting him is a pro; she knows how to cover her tracks. She even made sure that when she was getting paid to be his caretaker, he paid her in cash, so there's no record of her ever being hired (she's my sister in laws "friend" so everything was done without a contract; we live out of state, so my sister in law handled the arrangements). And, yes, it's very expensive for us to pay a lawyer and an investigator to try to gather evidence to prove what she's doing. It's sickening to see this happening to our family. My husband is literally sick with worry about his father.
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