My 87-year-old father-in-law is being exploited by a 46-year-old caregiver. What can we do?

I find it hard to believe that the police and/or courts would take proceedings to place a restraining order on two people in their eighties trying to visit an old friend - unless there were a heck of a lot more to the story than that.

I smell a serial predator.    Seems as if she's covered all the bases, sequestering and isolating him.    People don't learn these kinds of tactics overnight.    There have been other threads posted here about these serial predators; one even cultivated her "marks" at a senior center.

I'd find a good investigator who specializes in elder abuse (if there are such folks) and do some background investigation, such as exploring her prior clients.   What the investigator should be looking for are past events and other co-opted clients, criminal records, including in other states, and if the investigator knows how to do this (I don't), access to her financial records to document the financial abuses.

BTW, how did your FIL find her, or did she approach him?  This could shed some light on her approach, and could be clues to past behavior.

If an investigator can produce this information, it could be used to get a TRO (temporary restraining order) and/or permanent injunction to remove her from his premises.  

"Two of my father-in-laws best friends, also in their 80's, tried to visit him and the supposed fiancée called the police and had a restraining order placed on them; she has said that she will do the same to any family member who tries to see him."   I'm finding this a bit hard to believe, i.e., that the police would initiate a restraining order against 2 friends, and for what reason?   Is this a TRO or a permanent restraining order?   

Another aspect that troubles me is that she has"called the police telling them lies, saying we want to harm him and take his money."    I would think the police would want some proof and wouldn't just take her word w/o investigating.  Did they provide any rationale for their actions, or inactions? 

I would also press APS to do its job.    The nominal "investigation" you cited is worthless.   Find out who the top exec is, and contact that person.  Also, if the state in which he lives has a elder law agency, or elder law advisor, contact those departments.

Time to see a lawyer about guardianship which will only work if your father is demented and you have MD proof of same. If he is not demented then there is honestly little you can do about his intention to give all his money to this "caregiver". If you do win guardianship that can be reimbursed by the FIL estate. If you lose the cost is yours, and courts are VERY loathe to take an elder's rights from him.

How sickening! If there is karma, she will get hers. She is evil!

I am so very sorry that this is happening. I hope your attorney will be able to free your loved one from this evil person.

There are pictures of him with black eyes? Did she send them to you? If not, who took them? If you have these pictures, then take them to the police
Have you seen proof of this restraining order? A caregiver cannot file for restraining orders for the person they look after,, the family would be contacted. It also takes a long time to get a restraining order and there have to be strong valid (and proven) reasons. And she can't just keep getting a restraining order, they are not easy to get. What could some 80-year-olds be accused of?
The APS has to go and investigate if called, they can't just call and ask. All of this seems very odd.
If this woman is doing all of these things, then you fight back harder. If someone was beating my parents then the fury would be unleashed..unleash your fury and fight dirty!!

The police don't do restraining orders, that has to be done through the court system. With appropriate "proof" or sufficient words, one can get a temporary order, which will be issued to the person/people it is against, but it is only good for a limited time. To make it permanent, there has to be a hearing and both parties would have their say. Has this gone through the court system? If not, there are no restraining orders. She may have told them they exist, but unless they received something from the court, there isn't any order.

Too often APS is useless. Would it be possible to request a wellness check through the police, but you accompany them? You indicated you live out of state, so if husband is really concerned, he should go there, go to the police and request an escort/wellness check.

As far as medical records, if you pursue guardianship, the courts will order testing by other doctors. They wouldn't need his records.

You say she was hired through SIL, a "friend." Is SIL aware of what's going on? Has she said anything? Has your husband talked with her at all about it?

While an investigator might be able to find the scoop on this woman, it will take time. The lawyer you use should not just be any lawyer, they should have experience with elder abuse, aging, etc. A good one would know how to at least get him out from under her, perhaps a temporary hold in a facility that would test his cognitive abilities. While many issues take time to get through the courts, a good atty would know how to get emergency orders in place. If what you have described is really going on, it would be worth paying the cost to get to the bottom of it. His assets, if there is anything left, can reimburse the legal costs, if they find in your favor.

I should think if she has bled his assets dry, she would move on to the next target, so maybe. At the very least, if there is enough proof, you could get her off the streets so she can never do this to another person.

You need an attorney. $300K out of an account since 'friend' has been there speaks loudly what this arrangement is all about. If Medicaid doesn't have something to show he is not competent, when all the money is gone - all those gifts will be penalty months against him. She'll be long gone at that point.

Surely there will be a special place in the afterlife for those who abuse elderly.

CM, I think there IS a lot more to the story.

So, do you want to be an a-hole? Call the DOL and IRS, turn father in for avoiding payroll taxes and if she gets DHS, turn her in for failing to report income, most of these types do.

OMG 😱 Who hired this crook? Private or from agency? Did she ever have background check? She needs to be FIRED ASAP & be ARRESTED!!!!! You need proof of all the $$$ stolen & go to banks with the information. Get control of accounts & get POA from lawyer…Also change locks on house! I can’t believe this went on as long as it did. Good luck & HUGS 🤗