Over the last two weeks she keeps knocking on my door and asking me to help her with many tasks. She hides money and then forgets she has it and will ask me several times a day to take her to the bank. She tells people in the building she has hidden money and can’t find it. She also accuses me and others of taking her money. She forgets she has the stove on and I smell burning and have to remind her to turn off her stove. Her apartment is filthy and she has had bug problems in the past. She has taken to answering the door in her underwear. She doesn’t eat very much and doesn’t bathe very often. She came to my apartment 7 times in one day. She also drives! I am afraid she will set her apartment on fire. Her family lives two hours away and knows she is this bad but haven’t taken any steps to help her. I am disabled and do what I can but I don’t feel this is my problem. I don’t mind helping once in a while but it is every day. I have spent hours helping her find items/money she has misplaced but then she hides it again. I did take her to a doctor appointment and she couldn’t tell him what day of the week it was, the date, the month or the year. She also didn’t know who the president was. Recently she has become very aggressive, hitting people with her cane and yelling at them/me. Should I call Social Services? This is a regular apartment building, not a residential care one.
Her family may have tried to "reason" with her and been shown the door (by her).
Be patient. It is a dangerous situation for your neighbor, and the people living there.
When my neighbor had reached this point:
After- APS came and interviewed her in her underwear.
After-the Fire Dept. informed me that she would have to call 911 herself, or
basically fall and 911 would come, but until then, they could not do anything.
After- she is at my door again, my dH answers and says wait; and she follows him (smoking a cigarette) to my bedroom where I am asleep.
After- her son was stopped just outside and the problem was described to him.
After- sharing with all the neighbors, hoping for some help for her.
Then, after- she falls, and 911 took her away. She was later placed in a Board & Care home by her son, never returning home again. Too bad they waited that long.
What did I do?
On the day she fell, I told her that I would not help her anymore, and that the symptoms she was having were like a heart attack, and she needed medical care. She went home, and 4 hours later, 911 was there because she fell outside and a neighbor saw her and called 911.
Sometimes, if we are always there for someone needing more care, help does not come unless we back off trying to help. That is a hard position to take.
Hands off approach may work for you.
You say the family knows. How is it that you know that? Have you spoken to them already? If your neighbor told you that, she may be right but she could also be wrong. Her brain is obviously broken.
You could also call the police and ask for a wellness check and they might be able to call the family and APS for faster action. Usually the police have a non emergency number you can call to discuss things with.
Let us know what works to get some action taken. You sound like a good neighbor.
I helped a friend some 10 years ago. Started with Mom. She needed someone to drive her to out of town appts because she had no sight in her left eye. No problem, once maybe twice a month. Then it was driving the GF, then her daughter, then the oldest and thats where I told DH no. These people could have made choices. They could have found doctors closer to home. The daughter could have gotten a licence and drove. (Think there was some autism there but high functioning) Mom seemed to be keeping her daughter dependent on her. I stopped because of babysitting Gson.
GF died in 2013. Daughter married shortly before. Other daughter is in the Wind. Father passed in 2015. GF and Mom were only children. Dad was the youngest so most of his siblings were gone and those left were in their 90s and living in another State. Mom just died a few months back. I feel guilty for not visiting but I was afraid she would cling to me and become needy. I did not want to be at anyones beck and call. I had gson till 2014 when I had to take Mom in. She passed in 2017. I needed to just breath and have no responsibilities. Yes, and I feel a little guilty about that. We are raised to help others. But I wonder sometimes, who will be there for me.
So in your situation you have done what you could. Now someone else needs to take the reins.
I'm also glad you called APS and that things are going to be taken care of. Real soon. This poor woman needs help and it is sad that her family is not ready to help her get what she needs to be safe.
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