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They have been married for 30 years and are both living together in assisted living (for the last 10 months). He had his prostate removed decades ago. However, now he wants to "play" with her (she also wears depends). She has absolutely no desire and keeps asking me if I can find her another place to live, that I should have her "committed" or that she would rather be dead than have to deal with him. He gets aggressive and has temper tantrums when she tells him "no". She has also feigned chest pains just to go to the hospital to get away from him - trouble is, he always goes along. He is afraid to be alone. The doctor prescribed Seroquel for the times he "acts up" but I believe it has to be in his system for a while and not on an "as needed" basis. This has been going on for quite a while and the assisted living facility has threatened to evict them in the past saying they aren't equipped to handle such situations (they are extremely understaffed). Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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They need to be separated for her safety. Molestation is not ok even when it is a spouse doing it. You need to go to the facility they are in and see what can be arranged to have them separated. I am utterly AMAZED a doctor would take this so lightly.
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JustDucky00 Aug 2019
Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately the facility is having financial difficulties and/or doesn't care. They are on their third executive director since November of last year. :( We have another place lined up for them though (on the waiting list).
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There is a lot of information online about ISB: Inappropriate Sexual Behavior with dementia & Alzheimer's; it's quite common actually. Google it and all sorts of articles will come up. There are medications that can be prescribed to prevent this behavior, not prescribed 'as it happens'! If his doctor is taking the matter too lightly, it may be time to find another doctor!!! They do need to be separated if his ISB cannot be controlled, but I'm not sure how it would be affordable to pay for TWO separate units in an Assisted Living environment. Furthermore, the ALF can ask your folks to leave at any time if they become too much to handle (with 30 days notice, of course); I know......I've been down this road. That's when either Memory Care or Skilled Nursing becomes the only other alternative.

Best of luck!
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JustDucky00 Aug 2019
Thank you for the information! My sister and I did find another facility for them that has staff trained for behavioral issues but we've had promises made and broken before. The facility they are in now said my folks are not at the point for Memory Care and they would disrupt the other residents. I also have my dad on a wait list for a geriatric psychiatrist but there is a 6 week waiting list just to get an appointment (we're about 3 weeks into it). I'm wondering if maybe the Neurologist might be of some help but it usually takes a month to get in to see him too.
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Your poor step mom. This is really horrible and unsafe for her. Oh, dementia is so cruel. Does he belong in a NH? Does he ever realize that his behavior is completely inappropriate or is he too far gone? Would he agree to or at least take more medication to help control this behavior??
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JustDucky00 Aug 2019
He's not at the point of needing a nursing home and he doesn't believe he has a problem....he blames her unfortunately! I will call his regular doctor tomorrow to see what he recommends. I'm not sure what else I can do.
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I think it is very common for the person with a problem not to recognize it as such. Good plan to call his doc and get advice!

Best of luck. I'm feeling like you are getting right on top of this and will get some improvement shortly.
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JustDucky00 Aug 2019
Thank you!!
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Oh Ducky. So sad. I wish you success tomorrow AM with the doctor and do not accept his lame excuses. You could always call 911 and get your Dad to the ER which would force the involvement of psych/neuro. Good luck.
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