My 74 yr old mom was Baker acted. Why didn't she go to jail upon being released from the hospital? - AgingCare.com

My 74 yr old mom was Baker acted. Why didn't she go to jail upon being released from the hospital?

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Ambulance was called. Mom was unresponsive. She had two bottles of pills on her person. When asked where did she get them her response was I can't tell you. Mom was Baker acted. Then she was released to her own care after the hospital stay. Highly confused. Why?

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The Only thing you can do for your Mom is offer her help in getting into a treatment facility through Social Services (your local Welfare Office), where she will enter into drug treatment for a subscribed amount of time, with intensive outpatient treatment and AA or NA involvement afterwards, and for the rest of her life.

Do realize that most people fail a time or two or more, before being fully committed to stay clean and sober. She may even need to go into a Womens Sober house (or Oxford House), and stay active in her involvement to stay clean and sober for months or years,  for the added layer of help and assistance,  and the sober community environment,  in order yo stay clean, after a stint in Drug Rehabilitation. 

You need to do this once and only once, to try to get her the help she needs, and then Move On with your own life, and with you going to NA meetings to help you to stay strong and hold onto your sanity. No one, not even your own Mom should be able to hijack your life, because they are making poor choices in their lives. Good Luck,  you can do this, Stay Strong!
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Reply to staceyb
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Tina - I think you'll have to learn the "3 C's" to deal with this. They were incredibly helpful for me when my son (age 19) was jailed for a B&E spree he went on with his buddies. I was devastated and felt extremely guilty that something I had done - or hadn't done - caused his behavior. I finally had to realize he was an ADULT and had to take responsibility for his own actions.

I had to tell myself this every day for many weeks before I really felt it:

The 3 C's:
If I didn't CREATE it
And I can't CONTROL it
Then I can't CURE it

Keep reminding yourself.
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Reply to AnonymousMember
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Rovana,
Yeah, for our loved ones who make really bad decisions.

My theory is that hell is right here. Heaven is the reward for having put up with hell here.

I guess that's not a bad deal....80-90 years of evil, addictions, torture, injustice, prejudism, hate, death and the like for an eternity of love, peace, happiness, being with God, no needs, no wants, no sickness, no anger.

I'm going to have a "show down" with Eve. She really botched things up for everyone.

Funny, I was just thinking about this subject a few days ago. Not that I'm in any hurry ('cause I want to experience retirement) but I'm looking forward to the other side.
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Reply to SueC1957
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Don't mean this in any disrespectful way, but I sometimes think that God should have held off the free will thing.
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Reply to rovana
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 Tina, mine's a brother in law, and he doesn't want to change, no one can make him, he even gets DUIs on his bicycle, since he no longer is allowed to drive - how ridiculous is that? But not funny.... Back off, pray like crazy, and see what happens; you WILL get an answer, but it will also depend on her to cooperate - free will, just as the others said. YOU also have free will, to detach if you can/want and not take on guilt for it.
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Reply to mally1
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Tina,
If my 61 years have taught me anything, it's that you can only change YOU, you can't, no matter how hard you try or wish, change anyone else. 

That was a hard "pill to swallow" for me. Darn I wish I could have changed my Dad being a chronic alcoholic, my Mom being a binge alcoholic, my son being a heroin addict, another family member having had a meth addiction but I couldn't and can't.

If you go to any of the Al-Anon or Narc Anon meetings, they recite the serenity prayer.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Watch out for yourself first because they're on a slide into h*ll and you've got to make sure you're ok.

I wish it would change. If you pray, do so daily. But also understand.....God does not cross a person's free will. I prayed for all of them until I had no strength left. Nothing changed. That's because God will let them do whatever they want to do. It's up to them to change. Sadly, some never do.
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Reply to SueC1957
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To help you get a better understanding of what is going on or how to help I suggest you seek out AL anon or narc anon. Both are based on the same founder. It all depends which is closer to you. I agree with Pepsee. She needs to want help. You mom has a disease that is not helped with jail
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Reply to MACinCT
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Thank you
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Reply to TinaLHill
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Hi Tina
The only thing that makes an addict want to get clean is consequences. Hitting their personal bottom. And we can only get out of their way and let them go until they crash.

Sadly we can not give someone a better life, nor happiness and definitely not clean time or sobriety. All we have the power to do is change ourselves. We can't love a sick person well.

Hard as letting them go is, on us,   it is the loving thing to do. As for you, please try Al Anon. It's for family and friends of addicts/ alcoholics. They will teach you how to cope and live without the burden of guilt and feelings of responsibility to your sick loved one. Hang in there Sweetie, there is hope.
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Reply to Pepsee
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I understand and I am truly sorry. My prayers are with you. I keep remembering the times my Mom took trips with me and packed picknick lunch to take us down to the creek to play in the water. I want so bad to give her a good life till her passing not just existing for the next dose. It's hard to detach which I am sure you already know. So sorry
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