My 74 yr old mom was Baker acted. Why didn't she go to jail upon being released from the hospital?

Hi Tina
The only thing that makes an addict want to get clean is consequences. Hitting their personal bottom. And we can only get out of their way and let them go until they crash.

Sadly we can not give someone a better life, nor happiness and definitely not clean time or sobriety. All we have the power to do is change ourselves. We can't love a sick person well.

Hard as letting them go is, on us,   it is the loving thing to do. As for you, please try Al Anon. It's for family and friends of addicts/ alcoholics. They will teach you how to cope and live without the burden of guilt and feelings of responsibility to your sick loved one. Hang in there Sweetie, there is hope.

Tina, I sympathize with you. I've got a brother, bless his heart, who is an alcoholic, hasn't worked in about 12 years. Had life-threatening complications from the alcoholism this spring. He's made life miserable for my parents whom he lives with, he has anger issues and is always the victim. When he's sober, he's great, he helps out around the house but when he's not, its awful. The thing is, they have to want to help themselves. jail time, baker act, thats just a bandaid. Its not a cure. I think you have to decide, do you want to detach yourself from the situation and let her deal with the consequences or do you want to fight for her and try to get her into rehab? Again, she has to want help, she has to want to get better. otherwise....the cycle will continue. My mom has chosen to continue to enable my brother, she won't kick him out, she still supports him. We are hoping that this last scare was bad enough that he's going to get his act together but I'm not holding my breath and I won't make an effort for him anymore. Its on him and he can suffer the consequences.

Tina,
If my 61 years have taught me anything, it's that you can only change YOU, you can't, no matter how hard you try or wish, change anyone else. 

That was a hard "pill to swallow" for me. Darn I wish I could have changed my Dad being a chronic alcoholic, my Mom being a binge alcoholic, my son being a heroin addict, another family member having had a meth addiction but I couldn't and can't.

If you go to any of the Al-Anon or Narc Anon meetings, they recite the serenity prayer.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Watch out for yourself first because they're on a slide into h*ll and you've got to make sure you're ok.

I wish it would change. If you pray, do so daily. But also understand.....God does not cross a person's free will. I prayed for all of them until I had no strength left. Nothing changed. That's because God will let them do whatever they want to do. It's up to them to change. Sadly, some never do.

They wouldn't put her in jail simply because she was Baker-acted. Jail isn't the appropriate place. If she had committed a crime, thats another story. And under the baker act, you can only be held up to 72hours.

A 74 year old has no business in jail IMO. She needs help not jail time. Did you attempt to find her a rehab facility while she was baker acted?

 Tina, mine's a brother in law, and he doesn't want to change, no one can make him, he even gets DUIs on his bicycle, since he no longer is allowed to drive - how ridiculous is that? But not funny.... Back off, pray like crazy, and see what happens; you WILL get an answer, but it will also depend on her to cooperate - free will, just as the others said. YOU also have free will, to detach if you can/want and not take on guilt for it.

Was she arrested? Did she commit a crime? Was it proved that she stole the pills? We need a little more background.

Don't mean this in any disrespectful way, but I sometimes think that God should have held off the free will thing.

Rovana,
Yeah, for our loved ones who make really bad decisions.

My theory is that hell is right here. Heaven is the reward for having put up with hell here.

I guess that's not a bad deal....80-90 years of evil, addictions, torture, injustice, prejudism, hate, death and the like for an eternity of love, peace, happiness, being with God, no needs, no wants, no sickness, no anger.

I'm going to have a "show down" with Eve. She really botched things up for everyone.

Funny, I was just thinking about this subject a few days ago. Not that I'm in any hurry ('cause I want to experience retirement) but I'm looking forward to the other side.

Tina - I think you'll have to learn the "3 C's" to deal with this. They were incredibly helpful for me when my son (age 19) was jailed for a B&E spree he went on with his buddies. I was devastated and felt extremely guilty that something I had done - or hadn't done - caused his behavior. I finally had to realize he was an ADULT and had to take responsibility for his own actions.

I had to tell myself this every day for many weeks before I really felt it:

The 3 C's:
If I didn't CREATE it
And I can't CONTROL it
Then I can't CURE it

Keep reminding yourself.