Follow
Share

Although she has displayed cognitive issues, this break caught me completely off-guard. She is misplacing things and swears he's stealing things.


I'm in no way prepared this. There are no directives to care for her or her disabled 23 yo son. She has a 48 yo son who has his own family and a job.


I can't do this. I'm a recovering cancer patient with one kidney that's failing. My husband is also a cancer patient with metastasis. She is not aware that there is something wrong with her. She has practically baracaded herself in her house.


I want her to go to the doctor for a complete physical to rule out any medical issues. This is a person who treats herself with herbs and refuses to see a doctor.


Forgive me. I am rambling and lost. I don't know where to start. I was going to call APS this morning, but the reviews frightened me. She's called the police non-emergency line to talk about things in her house. I don't think yet they are aware of what's really happening. I called them yesterday and asked that her address be flagged and explained the extent of the issues there.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I think you've done what you can do.
I'm so sorry - this must be frightening and confusing. Who is caring for the 23 yr old disabled son?

So, I want to start with, the 48 year old son may not take any action. And that is his prerogative. Unless he has agreed to be POA, he has no responsibility to take any action. It can be disappointing, but his mother and his brother are not his responsibility.

You and your husband have your hands full taking care of yourselves.

Perhaps a meeting with an attorney can provide guidance on where to go from here.

You do have options: You can call APS, and hope for the best, or you can do nothing, and hope for the best.
You can want for her to go to a doctor, or anything else to take care of herself, but you can not make it happen.
I am concerned about the disabled son. It sounds as if your sister is unable to adequately care for herself. Does anyone have POA either for her, or for the son?

This is sad and scary. I'm sorry the reviews for APS frightened you, but are you more or less frightened by trying to manage this on your own? At some point, you have to let go, and make the best decisions you can for the people you care about. And taking care of yourself is number one on the list. No one else is going to do it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Call the authorities to take her to EMS. She is not safe to live alone. She also should not have to live with this level of fear.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Call Alzheimer’s Association.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am so sorry. This is just awful.
I agree with physical exam. My dear friend—super smart—started sleeping in her car in her druvewat in Florida’s summer heat bc she was convinced snakes were getting in the house thru an electrical outlet. She did go to the doc. I was not told they found anything but she died within a couple months. Something was wrong.
Wishing you some help in this very difficult situation.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Call APS. Our local police recommended it, they sent a friendly and reassuring gentleman who was able to convince my husband to see a doctor, I had been unsuccessful. I am sorry you are going through all this, I hope you and your husband can find time to take care of yourself. Involve the 48-years old son and the father of the disabled one, if he can be located. You need help!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

My 87yo mother recently went through this after being almost comatose and seeing things. I had to call 911 for her to go via ambulance to the hospital. It was a bad UTI! Then while she was in the hospital it progressed to HID (hospital induced delirium). It was quite scary to get a 3am call from her that she had been kidnapped. She was positive that she had a dog in the bed with her, and a cat in the room. She said she had slept in the doctors house the night before. and that there was a drug addict in the hallway demanding drugs or he would kill everyone, and my dad was the cop handling the situation (my dad has been dead for over 25 years). It was all very scary. The delirium went away after a few days as the UTI was being treated.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
WendyElaine May 31, 2025
They all get that hospital dilerium. It’s very scary.
(2)
Report
I’m so sorry that you have been dealing with so much. There are so many illnesses that can cause hallucinations even something as simple as dehydration can be the culprit. I have been there and it is frightening for everyone involved. Call APS, she may need someone who can evaluate her in her home. Medicare should be able to help find services for her. Best of luck!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Hi
sorry to hear and it is indeed very disturbing. My father got deliriuM I. Hospital and she. He exited. We had the doctor review his tablets and found that his pain killing tablets seemed to generate the delirium crazy talk
Along with that dehydration
it took patience getting dad to drink more and the change of tablets and suddenly the crazy talk completely stopped.
it wouldn’t surprise me if this may be the case with your mother ? ( my father is 93)
i would recommend speaking to her doctor and monitoring her water intake/levels
my fathers arrow went to my sisters partner - he was stealing his things !
all stopped now.
that all says a lot of people do abuse old people and they do steal from them
so I would also keep an eye on mothers things
who knows she may have seen something irregular
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

She needs to be in a care facility. She may have dementia, or she may have severe mental illness. Either way she needs to be in a care facility.

You talk about there being a 23 year-old disabled son of hers in the house (your nephew). Where is his father? Is his father the ex-husband she thinks is coming in and stealing from her? Call him. He needs to take some responsibility for his son. The other son needs to step up a little bit as well. The fact that he has a job and a family is not a Get-Out-Of-Taking-Any-Responsibility card. Everyone has jobs and families and they still help. Maybe he doesn't want the legal responsibility of conservatorship for his mother and that's understandable, but he can petition the court to get conservatorship for his brother at least and get him into whatever level of residential care is appropriate for his needs.

Don't be afraid of APS or their reviews. Be afraid that a disabled person (your nephew) is living with someone (your sister) who is completely out of it from some form of dementia or some form of mental illness.

You have a lot on your plate and this is too much for any one person to handle under the best circumstances. The purpose of APS is to make sure vulnerable adults are safe and their care needs met.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report
fluffy1966 May 31, 2025
I like that you focused on the Disabled 23 year old that is stuck with the craziness and needs an Advocate desperately. I hope the employed older Brother is decent enough to try to help to find a safe placement for his younger brother, or a halfway house. This takes A LOT OF TIME: I think that the State Dept of Health and Welfare may need to do a 'cognitive assessment' on the unfortunate young man, to be able to help in the placement of this disabled Nephew. I hope, Karmini, that you and the older nephew can focus on the 23 year old. Some residential placement are actually "good" but some are not so very good at all. He needs an advocate, and it seems the situation for your sister may not play out "well". Her disabled son deserves better.
(1)
Report
Get her 48 year Old son Involved . Communication is key and an Intervention . Most of the time people wont acknowledge the reality of the situation till The person is falling down or breaks a Hip . Work together with her son for a solution . She definitely needs to be evaluated and Brought to a Physician who can treat her .
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

First of all, best of luck with your health challenges and that of your husband. Secondly, my Alzheimer's-ridden mom also hallucinated: both auditorily and visually. No amount of reasoning with her was successful. Her Alzheiemr's-induced paranoia of people stealing things also didn't help any. I agree with others: have her checked for a UTI and/or other issues. Since she's reluctant to go to a doctor, maybe you could twist the truth and say how helpful it could be for the DOCTOR, since he or she is researching HEALTHY adults, and of course, fill her doc in on this line of reasoning. She might be more willing to go under those circumstances. Sometimes caregivers have to get creative, for the good of the patient.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Herbs. I keep learning about people treating themselves with herbs. You'd think this is the dark ages or someplace at the ends of the earth where they don't have modern medicine.

Someone is always going to be disgruntled with APS because they WILL step in and make sure that the person in question gets help. Someone like your mom, who may be killing herself or at the very least deteriorating from taking useless herbs, would probably be the first to holler "APS is killing me!" But you MUST get help for her and likewise her disabled son. Otherwise you might have two deaths to contemplate throughout eternity. At this point, you should fear what your mother is doing more than what APS could do for her!

Make the call. You need to put your own health and your husband's first. Don't let a crazy lady, by default, make decisions for herself (and thus for you). For the record, I do use herbal tea for throat and bladder. So I'm not totally anti-herb. But when we have serious health problems, modern drugs are the way to go. Big Pharma has been my friend and helped me survive to an amazing age of good-enough health. I'm pretty sure modern drugs could do something to help your mom too.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

1. Call the ambulane
2. Do not allow mother to return to your home. If YOU live in her home, move out.
3. Call Social Services and Discharge planning at the hospital, report your and your husband's dire medical conditions and give them your doctor's phone numbers.
Tell them your mom needs guardianship of the state if she is found incompetent.
4. If she returns home do not intervene. Call APS for concerns for her care.

What you are doing is not sustainable.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
cinzim281 May 31, 2025
Please Listen to Alvadeer..You need to do all of this asap..🙏🏼🙏🏼
(1)
Report
You should consider calling 911 for her and APS for her disabled son. You don't seem to have any legal authority to manage her care or make decisions on her behalf or have access to her finances anyway AND you have your own health issues and life, which is a #1 priority over your sister. All you can do is notify agencies that can help her. After that you will need to accept this is the best that can be put in place for her and her son. He may need a legal guardian, which the courts can supply. Please take care of yourself and your spouse. My personal experience with APS and court guardianship for my SFIL was a positive one and a solution we were very grateful for. It's different in every state and every county.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Has your sister been tested for a UTI, as that can cause hallucinations and cognitive issues? You can buy test strips at any drug store to test her since she won't go to a doctor, but if it comes back positive then you must call 911 and have her transported to the hospital to get help.
And if it's not a UTI, then you MUST call APS(despite any reviews) and report a vulnerable adult with possible dementia and living with her disabled son, as they are both at great risk in the home now.
Your sister needs help as does her son and someone has to have the balls to do what is best for the both of them. Hopefully that will be you.
Call APS now!!!
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter